Painting

Chapter 29

(1 month before real break-up)

-Keeping someone from the outside world is not a way to show love.

-I'm not. I just, I just want you to be safe. Isn't that a way to show love?

-I know. I'm safe. The outside world is not as dangerous as you say it is. I've lived in it for twenty years and nothing happened to me. I get it that you're really worrying a lot. I think it's really sweet that you care about me that much, but it's been getting out of control lately. I'm sorry, I just...

-I understand, I'm sorry too, I just love you so much. If anything would happen to you, I don't know, I think I would fall apart. If I don't have you, I'm nothing. You saved my life. I want to do the same thing.

-I know...

I get up and get close to him. He takes me in his arms and we lay down together.

-I don't want us to fight anymore, can you stay one more day?

-Of course.

He kisses the top of my head.

-What would you like to eat for dinner?

-Mac&Cheese.

-Okay. I'll get started soon, I want to stay like that for a moment.

-I can help you...

-No, tonight I'm taking care of my Babydoll. Like she takes care of me.

I smile. I still don't know if I like that nickname. He really seems to like it though. I make circles with my fingers on his arm. I look at his face. He seems lost, he seriously needs some help. I should have got him help, when I had the chance. I can't continue to do this all the time. I need some time for me too.

-Can I ask you something?

-Yes, what is it? I'll do anything, what do you want?

-What do you like about me?

-You saved my life.

He gets up and walks toward the kitchen. I look out. It's raining. The gentle tapping on the windows. I wish I could open them. Put my hands outside. Run outside and feel it on my face. Each drop on my cheeks to remind me that I'm alive. Each drop on my forehead to remind me, I can stand in its way, so I matter. I have an impact in the world. I can change it. I can continue to save people, just like I did with Teddy.

Or I can become a rain drop. Nourish something greater than me, feel like I'm a part of a group. Like I'm accomplishing something. Blend into the crowd. Lend into somebody's face. Drop in a river, make slowly my way to the ocean. Go back in the cloud and lend in a different country.

-What are you thinking about?

-The rain.

-The rain? What's so special about it?

-It's small but also a part of something greater.

-Okay, well dinner is served, so you can continue on the subject while eating.

-Okay.

I walk toward him and I sit down. He sits across me. He puts his hand on mine. I feel his foot brushing up against my leg. I start to do the same. It's like we're back at the beginning. Our first real date, at a hipster cafe. After I saved his life, like he always like to say.

He was wearing his glasses. He offered me another coffee, because he took mine by accident. Then, we spent the whole day together. He took me to see some special places. Made me discover new sensations. I shared my first kiss with him that day. Under a tree, sheltering us from the pouring rain.

That was nice.

We finish up dinner.

He takes our plates and puts them in the dishwasher.

-You can go read your book on my bed, it's way more comfortable than the couch.

-Okay.

I get up. What does he have in mind? Nothing too creepy, I hope. I hope I didn't do anything wrong. If he ties me up to his bed, what do I do?

-What are you doing?

-What?

-You've been standing there for the last two minutes.

-Sorry, I was lost in thought, I suppose.

I walk in Teddy's bedroom and take my book. I lay down and start to read. This book hits me so damn hard, each time I read it. So profound and relatable. The author and the narrator seem so close. I wonder if it all happened to the author. Probably not. I turn the pages, eager to read more. I don't even see Teddy coming in the bedroom discreetly. He's always been so good at being discreet. He saved me from a couple of bad situations.

He gets at the foot of the bed. I don't see him. I feel my socks slipping off.

-I know you don't like to sleep with your socks on.

He climbs on top of the bed and on top of me. He starts to unbutton my jeans and starts to take them off, slowly.

I hide my face behind my book. My cheeks are on fire. I see him smile. He trows my jeans on the ground. He climbs back on the bed. Starting from my belly button, he lays kisses. He takes my shirt off.

-Pardon me, young lady.

So I put my book away and I lift up my arms. He takes it off. Another kiss on my collar bone. Another one between my breasts. A couple more, until he reaches my belly button.

-What are you doing?

-I told you...

Another kiss.

-I'm...

Another one.

-Taking...

Another one.

-Care...

Another one.

-Of you.

I bite my lower lip. What do I do? I wasn't prepared for that. I have to say it's better than being tied to the bed. His lips are so soft.

-Let me show you how much I love and appreciate you. You are the guiding star of my life. If I could pay for all the stars to be named by your name, I would.

-You already bought me a star, do you remember? On our fourth date.

-Let me take care of you.