Painting

Chapter 32

(1 month before real break-up)

I wake up with my hair all over my face. Teddy is spooning me.

-Hi Babydoll...

-Hi!

-Already awake? I thought I wore you out, last night.

-You did. I'm still tired.

He smiles.

-How about tonight I take you out in a great restaurant in town? You could wear that dress I like.

I bite my lower lip. Outside? I'll do anything to be outside.

-That would be nice.

-Wonderful! But for now I'm still tired and you are too. So let's go back to sleep.

He falls back asleep. I know he is going to avoid the subject. Will I talk about it? Probably not. Do I want to upset him? Not really. He can be really kind and gentle, if he wants to. As long as I do what he says. I have to be good. If I do that, he might take me out more often. He might even let me see my parents. He says they aren't in favor of us dating. I don't know what I'm suppose to do. Should I believe him? I mean he loves me, doesn't he? Of course, he does, otherwise he wouldn't have done all of that.

Maybe my parents are right too. He is really possessive and jealous, but that's how love works. Doesn't it?

Something doesn't feel right. Stop it! I really need to get out of here.

I get up and get dressed.

-Can you unlock the door please?

-Why?

-I need to go buy something.

-What?

-Tampons.

-Okay, but you promise you'll come back, right?

-Promise.

He gets up and unlocks the door. I go out of the apartment.

-Wait!

No. He'll want to come with me.

-Don't forget your purse, your phone and take my umbrella. It's raining. Have a good walk!

He closes the door behind me. You see, he is caring and he loves you. What did you think he was going to do? You little ingrate, you don't even see the things he does for you. Now go take a good walk and come back with a better attitude.

I come out of the building and walk toward the drug store. I stop in the middle of the boardwalk and lower the umbrella. Tilt my head back. The rain on my face. Feel it like it's the last time you are going to feel it. It could be.

I wish I could become a tree. A real tree. Because, I feel like one. Outside, but not free.

I come back to his apartment. I open the door.

-Hey! Would you like something for lunch? I can reheat the Mac&Cheese left-overs, if you want.

I drop my purse and the umbrella.

-Are you okay?

-I'm fine.

-Your hair is all wet, do you want a towel?

I stand there with my coat and my hair dripping everywhere.

-What happened? Didn't you use the umbrella?

-I did, I just wanted to feel the rain.

-Feel the rain? You talk about that often, what do you like so much about it?

-I matter.

-Of course, you matter. If it weren't for you, I probably wouldn't be here today.

-Now come on, here's a towel. Eat, after, I'll run a bath for you.

I sit down in front of my meal. I sigh. I need to get out of here. How am I going to do that? He's always looking at me. At least, I have somewhere to go. I bought the loft in my parents building. I don't have anything here, anymore. All my clothes are in the new room I have. The walls are black and white. With windows that aren't sealed shut and a door that doesn't require a code. Also, my parents are two floors under mine. If I ever need them. They aren't there a lot, though. They travel often, everywhere. I can't remember the last time, they traveled and their stay was as planned. They always take a few days more. That doesn't matter, I'm twenty years old, I can provide for myself. Now, I really need to think, how am I going to get out. I have my phone. I can call someone. Not my parents, they are in Brazil. My boss! Jammie, he could come and pick me up. Tomorrow, I'll call him. Tonight, we are going out and I don't want to disappoint Teddy.

-June?

-Yes?

-Do you mind if we stay here tonight? I just remembered that the restaurant we're suppose to go, does delivery.

No! I want to go out again.

-May I ask why?

-Well, it's cozier in here, don't you think? We have the couch, blankets, cushions and my bed. Also, I know you don't like "romantic" gestures in public. Actually, it's perfect, I've really made up my mind.

-But, I...

-I'm sorry. I still want you to wear that dress.

He walks back in his room.

I am never going to get out.

Sometimes, I wish I never called him that night.

What are you thinking about? You're a monster.

Am I?

I don't need him, he needs me. He keeps saying I saved him, now I have to save myself.