Painting

Chapter 4

I get up from the couch and I open the TV. I put on a Disney movie. A great way to spend my Saturday night. I've always love those stories. They give me hope, maybe one day, I will have my own happy ending. Does that make me sound desperate? Maybe, but it makes me happy.

It helped me a lot during these past few months. I needed something to help me get through it. I had to hang on to all the sources of hope at my disposal. Even if it was fiction. I needed to believe that there was a light at the end of the tunnel. That I would get out someday. Leave that world that I unconsciously walked into.

I get up and I trow my book on the ground. I cry. I cry the tears of pain. I cry the tears of inertia. What made me stay in that hell for so long. At the end, I cry the tears of joy. I cry the tears of relief. Those tears that were stuck in my heart for so long. I made it out. I am free.

I take my book in my hands and I carefully place it back on the table. I go in the kitchen and I start dinner. I eat healthy and then I make myself a chocolate fondue. It's a day of celebration. I made it out completely, those tears got out and I met new people. I am not letting that go to waste. Tonight, right now, I am adding them on Facebook. Tomorrow, I will follow them on Instagram. I do it, one day at a time. I don't want to look creepy. I'll do that after my movie. The real life adaptation of Cinderella, made in 2015 is way too good, to not listen to it right now with fruits and a lot of hot melted chocolate.

As I am saying that, I receive two Facebook notifications.

Victor added me on Facebook? What? And Tyler too? Are we synchronized? I mean that's basically impossible. Why would they add me? I am not even pretty and adventurous.

Maybe I am. Do a lot of people can say that they slept in the same bed with two boys? I don't think so. I feel invaded by a brand new energy. A new kind of energy, I think I could run a marathon. Huh... Yeah... No. Not that much. I think I'll just finish my movie and then go to bed, that sounds like a great plan.

I go to sleep and it's the best night I've had in months. I dream about beautiful things. Handsome things. I don't have any nightmares. I don't wake up screaming. My pillow is not soaked in tears this morning. Most of the time, when I wake up screaming and crying, it's because I am having a nightmare. About, my ex-boyfriend, obviously. I dream that I am still in the prison, that was his apartment. Sometimes even worse, I see the scene of me trying to break up on my own again. But then follows something scary, him tying me to his bed and telling me that I'm not going to leave his side, ever. Only then I wake up and follows the screams and the usual breathing exercise.

This morning though. I wake up and I stretch my arms. I open the curtains that cover the large windows of my loft. I feel good and happy. I blast some Frank Sinatra's music. I make myself some waffles with a lot of blueberries and maple syrup. Victor is right. It is a divine nectar. I go in my wardrobe. I get out my favorite skinny jeans. Then I put on a turtle neck shirt, because it's November and it's really cold. I look in the mirror. Well I have to say, I look mighty fine. What am I going to do today?

Yeah, right I'm suppose to go follow them on Instagram. I open my phone and I go on the Instagram app. I search for them and I add them. I click on Tyler's profile. 15 posts, let's see... Am I being creepy? Are they going to know if I look at their profile? Nah... Pictures of the beach, pictures of the forest, pictures of GreenPeace and a few pictures of him and Victor, planting trees. They care about the environment, that's good. I should ask them about that. Let's see Victor's profile. 10 posts, pictures of the beach, pictures of the cabin and pictures of him and Tyler planting trees. Is the cabin theirs? Why would he take a picture of it if it's not his property? I really have to ask them. It seemed like it wasn't their only house. They said they had to go to town. That means they probably have another house and the cabin is only a place they go to relax, during the weekend and vacation.

I used to really want to leave in a cabin, like live there all year long. Being at the edge of the forest. Near a lake. Go on expeditions in a kayak and stop in the middle of the lake. Appreciate the silence. Fresh and healthy air. Drink tea on a balcony facing my own little kingdom. My room would be spacious, with wide windows and white curtains. White silk sheets and a king size bed. Away from everything.

Become a writer. Write on a big computer. Write about nature and maybe about forbidden love. Publish under a pseudonym. Maybe Cassiopée or Canopée.

One day, I just thought it would be way too complicated. Like I said living in a cabin means, away from everything. So, away from my parents, away from my town and away from people, which wouldn't be so bad, but you know, social interactions are said to be good for mental health.

Become a writer would be difficult, not everyone can do it. Sitting in front of a computer for two hours can be long and boring if you don't know what to write.

Now, that I think about it. I could be a writer. Why not? It doesn't scare me to be in front of a computer. I've got a lot of ideas.

A notification from Instagram. Tyler liked my latest picture. Well, I should post another one.