Hermitcrap/Oneshots S7 [CANCELLED, DON'T BOTHER READING]

The Adventures Of Hermitcraft: The Confession

Today, on Mumbo's A Shovel...
And yes, this is a series now.
Note I don't ship anyone romantically, any sort of romantic shipping mentioned is purely for entertainment purposes. Also, there's no perma-death here.

"You ready for this?" False asked Mumbo.

"Not really." Mumbo admitted.

"Come on, it'll be fine!" False comforted Mumbo and gave him a quick kiss on the lips.

Attempt #1:

"Zedaph, we have something to tell you-" False tried to confess, but was interrupted by Mumbo suddenly throwing up all over the floor.

"I'm so sorry," False apologized, and immediately left, dragging Mumbo along with her.

~

"I think that went pretty well!" Mumbo said.

"You threw up and we both left." False reminded him.

"Meh, that's all in the past," Mumbo said.

"It was literally 10 seconds ago,"

"That's a matter of opinion!" Mumbo stated. God, he was acting like a damn shovel, and even that's an understatement.

"No, it's not, let's try again," False said as she took Mumbo back to Zedaph's base once again. Let's hope this was a success.

Attempt #2:

"Zedaph, we have something to tell you." False started, but was yet again interrupted by Mumbo passing out- wait, why did he have chloroform on him?!

~

"I chloroformed myself, didn't I?" Mumbo said after he woke up.

"Yeah, you did." False confirmed. But for some reason, he was putting the chloroform-soaked cloth over his mouth. Again.

"Don't do it again!" False yelled as she slapped the cloth out of his hand. "Look, you take the lead this time," False said which excited Mumbo. Let's hope she didn't regret this.

Attempt #3:

As they walked into the room, Mumbo started, but he freaked out so his confession came out as gibberish. Yet another fail.

Attempt #4:

"You see, the thing is-" Mumbo started, but as he came to the realization that he had no idea what to say, he just gave up and lost his mind at the same time. "I'll just kill him." He said as he pulled out a pistol.

"Nonononononono-" False tried to stop him.

"Le me kill him! Let me shoot him in the face!" Mumbo yelled.

Attempt #5:

"Mom, dad, I'm GAY!" Mumbo said, completely forgetting where he was and that False was right there.

"WRONG! I hope," she muttered the last sentence behind her breath.

Huh, you thought attempt #4 was over, huh? But wait! There's more!

"If I shoot him, we can make out! This can be so easy!" Mumbo pleaded as False was desperately trying to get the gun out of his grasp.

"NO! STOP IT!" False yelled at Mumbo. Why did she still love him?

Attempt #6:

"You see, when two people spend a lot of time together-" Mumbo started but was interrupted yet again by False.

"Where are your legs!?" False asked Mumbo. Oh, come on! First it was his mustache and now his legs?

Attempt #7 but in Germany:

"A carbon slex and a tibo isla." Mumbo announced to Zedaph in German.

"Nein!" False yelled at him in German.

Attempt #8:

"Zedaph-"

"Mumbo! I'm from the future! Tell him he's ugly!" Some random dude popped out of nowhere who I will now call Future Guy and commanded Mumbo:

"You're chubby!" Mumbo insulted Zedaph, which make Future Guy facepalm.

"You can't even get that right!" False exclaimed.

Attempt 9:

Now for some reason Mumbo was dancing. He hadn't even said anything yet. At this point, False was no longer mad, just concerned.

Ok, this is the end of attempt #4, I promise

"Mumbo, MUMBO!" False said as she had just given up to get the gun out of his hand and just dragged him out of there.

"NOO-"

~

"I'm really bad at this, aren't I?" Mumbo asked False.

"Yeah, Zedaph is never gonna find out about us." False said, defeated by Mumbo's absolute stupidity when it comes to this stuff. And that is when something clicked in Mumbo's head.

"Oh, THAT'S what we're doing!" Mumbo declared. He was now ready to come in there and not make a fool of himself.

Attempt #10:

"Zedaph, I know this is hard for you to hear but I'm dating your cousin!" Mumbo declared to Zedaph.

"Yeah, that's fine." Zedaph said with a blank face. Than Mumbo lost his mind once again and shot Zedaph in the head with his backup gun he hid from False until now.

"WHOOPS!"