A Reason To Live | Wheebyul | Moonsun

Second Guessing

Wheein wanted it to stop.

She wanted to stop the voice in her head telling her that she's always going to be second best.

Here she thought that someone finally saw something in her worth loving; worth staying for. But now she wasn't so sure. Did Byul know all along? She shakes her head, knowing that's not possible. -It is, but Wheein didn't want to recognize it as a possibility.

But she wonders if Byul really loves her, for her. She wonders if Byul only loved her because somehow Byul recognized her heart. Yongsun's heart. She's not so sure she could even call it her own right now. She even wonders if she really loves Byul, or her heart just decided for her. She's so confused as to what she should feel - or what she should think about the whole situation.

Yesterday, after her lunch date with Yonghee, Byul felt awkward when she drove Wheein home. She didn't even stay for a while to have a chat with Hyejin and her parents like she always does. Right before Wheein steps out of the car, Byul told her that she loves her, as if she's convincing Wheein as well as herself.

And Wheein didn't know how to feel about that. She's not sure if she could believe it, in that moment. She's not so sure if Byul was referring to Wheein as a whole or just her heart. Wheein knows its unfair to question Byul's love like that -but she can't help it.

Wheein was reminded of the time that Byul flashed her her wedding ring in their first meeting. She recalls how she kept thinking how lucky she is that she had another chance with Byul. She kept wondering about what changed. She wonders if Byul only noticed her now because her wife wasn't in the picture anymore. She pushed it at the back of her mind because it all felt irrelevant just before yesterday. But right now, those questions are all she could think about.

"Am I your favorite person?" Wheein asks abruptly, surprising herself. She sighs, shaking her head at how ridiculous she sounded. She's not sure whether to be happy that she was alone in her room so Byul didn't hear her stupid question, or she's actually sad that Byul's not there to reassure her.

Wheein laughs humorlessly, taking a second for herself before she types out her question and send it to Byul. It wasn't the smartest move she made; she knows that. But she reasons that she's allowed to make stupid decisions sometimes, then proceeding to hit the send button.

She could already imagine Byul saying that she's her favorite person right now. Right now being the keyword; because they both know that if Yongsun is still alive right now Wheein wouldn't even be in the choices.

She's not even sure she'd like Byul to answer that. Because right now, Wheein's not sure she could believe her. Byul didn't reply right away, but when she did it was in a form of a call. Wheein contemplated whether she should answer or not but she ended up answering the call.

"Wheein, of course, you're my favorite person." Byul answers in the softest way possible, but Wheein didn't like it. She didn't like how her mind whispers how Byul is probably lying right now as to not to hurt Wheein's feelings.

She hated hearing Byul say Wheein's her favorite person because right now all Wheein could think of was how she would always be just secondary to Yongsun. How the only reason Byul's even with her is because she's the closest thing that reminds Byul of Yongsun.

She feels as if she's just somewhere in the middle of the love that Byul lost, and the love that Byul craves for.

And so she drops the call without saying anything in reply.

-------------------------------------------------------------

"Am I your favorite person?"

Byul didn't know why Wheein would ask something so random..and yet...she knows exactly why.

Wheein's insecurities must be eating her up right now, judging by the way Wheein acted yesterday on their way home. Byul wanted to stay beside Wheein and not leave until she's sure of herself again, but Byul's not sure if she could convince Wheein there's nothing to be worried about when Byul herself isn't as sure as she was before.

But nonetheless, Byul calls Wheein just to answer her question. She didn't think a simple text would be enough. It took Wheein a while before she answers her phone but when she did, Byul immediately answers, "Wheein, of course, you're my favorite person."

Byul was taken aback at how easy she was able to say it even though there was a slight doubt whether it was a lie she convinced herself of being the truth, or it was simpy the truth, and everything that's going on in her mind right now is just a result of her overthinking.

It wasn't exactly a lie. Wheein really is her favorite person right now; there's no doubt about that. But right now she's inclined to think of how Wheein has Yongsun's heart -and she knows, scientifically its impossible that Yongsun still has control of her heart but what if hearts do remember. What if hearts remember the people they once loved even if they get transfered to another person's body.

What if Yongsun's heart remembers her? And the only reason why Wheein think she's in love with Byul is because of that. And what if Byul only thinks she loves Wheein is because she has Yongsun's heart?

Byul's not sure if it should even matter. Because shouldn't she be happy? She just found out the the woman she loves happen to have the heart of the woman she loved. Maybe things ended up being the way they're suppsoed to be. Maybe this is fate telling her that this is how its supposed to be.

Maybe Yongsun just found a way to still be with Byul even if she's no longer in the world she lives in. Its kinf of poetic when you think about it. But Byul wonders that's a comforting thing to know. It feels unfair on Wheein's side.

She didn't want to think about Yongsun every minute that she's with Wheein. She was just getting better at avoiding doing that, even though Wheein really reminds her of Yongsun

Wheein is her girlfriend and not Yongsun.

No matter how connected or how similar Yongsun and Wheein are, they are not the same person. And Byul feels like cheating everytime she thinks of Yongsun while she's with Wheein.

When Wheein dropped the call without saying anything, Byul knows her answer wasn't enough.

Byul immediately stopped whatever she was doing and drove to Wheein's house; knowing that going there and having a conversation with Wheein would either make them or break them.

-------------------------------------------------------------

-------------------------------------------------------------

A/N:

Here's another chapter for you, lovely people as promised. The first one was too short, I know. And this one is relatively short too but at least it was a quick update. Haha.

Thoughts on the chapter? What do you think about their situation? Let me know your thoughts. I'd like to hear them.