A Reason To Live | Wheebyul | Moonsun

Owner of my Heart

"I didn't know what I'm supposed to say right now. I wasn't prepared to have this conversation with you." Byul says immediately as soon as she thought Wheein could hear her.

Wheein nods, acknowledging what conversation they're about to have.

"I know my answer to your previous question wasn't enough." Byul states.

Wheein smiles faintly. "It only took you three days to realize that, so it's fine." she answers sarcastically. "Although I thought you'd be more prepared coming here." she adds, disappointment was evident in her voice.

Byul didn't text or call or went to see her for three days. Byul left her alone with her own suffocating thoughts. And it wasn't the first time. At this point, Wheein doesn't know why she's still surprised and disappointed.

"I'm sorry if I kept vanishing in thin air whenever there's a little inconvnience." Byul apologizes, maybe it has become her defense mechanism to get away from people she's too afraid to lose before she gets left behind again, if that even makes sense. But she's not going to say that and ruin her apology with an excuse. "It's not my intention to make you feel like you're alone in this, but I also know that it doesn't matter because I still made you feel that way."

"Well, at least you got that right." Wheein agrees, her invisible walls were clearly still surrounding her.

"But I'm here now." Byul hope that counts for something.

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Moonbyul's POV:

"I thought you went at Wheein's house?" Seulgi asked.

"I did." I replied. What I couldn't tell her was that when I went there, there was a throbbing pain in my chest telling me to run away every step I took towards Wheein's porch. And just when I raised my arm to knock on their door, I caved in to the voice inside my head.

She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion, probably at how quick my trip was. "Well?" She asked, "How did your conversation went? I thought it would be a bit longer."

"I wasn't able to talk to her." I answered.

"Why?" Seulgi asked.

It was a simple question, but I couldn't seem to find a reasonable answer. I didn't know if being afraid was good enough. I know how fragile Wheein is right now, and how a wrongly worded sentence could break us. I wasn't ready to know whatever decision we'd reach if we did have that conversation.

I shrugged.

"Because..." I began, I couldn't even say it out loud. I didn't think running away and driving to Yongsun's grave was the best response I could give.

Seulgi sighed. "You weren't ready for that conversation, huh?"

I looked up at Seulgi, meeting an understanding stare. "Your feelings are valid, Byul. But I don't think running away was the best reaction you could give her."

I nodded. I know Wheein deserved better. That's why everything's scary; because I don't want to subject her with a love this complicated. I wanted to do right by her, but still don't know how. Its hard to admit that after all this time, inspite and despite of everything that happened, I still don't know how.

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"Is it really that hard for you to just talk to me?" Wheein looked exasperated. " Of course, it matters that you're here now. But it would've been nice if you were here three days ago, when I was drowning with confusion - when I was looking for something to grasp onto..." Wheein sighed, as if letting go of all her built-up frustration and just deciding stop, "I guess I'm just looking for reassurance, Byul."