new phone who dis || mairi (COMPLETED)

15. tired

When Kairi wakes up, the room is bright.

He squints at his window, remembering that he didn't close his curtains last night. Shut them, he tells himself. He doesn't move.

-

The next time he properly wakes up, as he opens his eyes every hour or so to silently yell at himself to close his curtains, it's to his mum.

"Baby," she says, "why are you still in bed?"

Kairi barely musters up the energy to look at her. His eyes hurt. His eyelids want to close. "Tired," is all he manages.

She gives him a look, but he can't bring himself to care.

"Mattia called me. He's worried about you."

Oh. Right. They were supposed to go to the arcade today. He should probably get out of bed. Or cancel. Or just lie there, motionless.

Option C it is.

His eyes shut. He hears his mum pad over, feels her hand gently run through his hair then hears the curtains slide shut. The room is dark.

-

So Kai was the dumb one all along.

It's stupid, how much it affects him. Logically, he knows they're just words. Meaningless words.

But are they?

Kairi knows that he's slow. He knows that all his friends are in on something that he isn't. He knows that he's the butt of the joke. And that's fine. That's absolutely fucking fine-

Hot tears splash down his face as Kairi stares up at the ceiling. The ceiling stares back.

"How pathetic," he croaks out to the empty room. The words dissolve into nothing. They weren't important anyway.

Text Mattia - I'll fuck that up somehow. Maybe he was joking and I didn't know. Because I'm an idiot. He sent me a message hours ago. I didn't even read it because I'm a bad friend. He hates me now.

Tell Alejandro what's going on - no, I don't want to be annoying. Always so fucking annoying. I always need help. Am I there for him enough? I talk too much. Too much, too much, I'm too much!

Kairi presses a hand against his mouth to stifle his sobs. He's being stupid, he just needs to shut up, shut up, shut up!

His chest aches and mourns for something - anything - but holding a pillow tight to himself isn't doing anything but giving him something to cry into. His mind is so loud - it's deafening. He just wants everything to be silent.

So he goes back to bed.

-

He checks his phone. It's almost 3:00am and he has six unread messages from Mattia. He can't focus his eyes to read them, so he decides to ignore them for another day. It's not like he can hate him anymore right?

Wrong, Kairi reminds himself. At this point, he's almost memorised the ceiling. If he closed his eyes, he'd probably still be able to see it.

He can't be bothered to close his eyes though.

So he stares straight-up, not moving even as the sky begins to brighten outside.

He's so... exhausted. But of everything. And he feels hollow, like his heart isn't beating and his lungs are empty. His eyes burn and he's so tired.

So. Tired.

-

He heard a knock, he's sure of it. Or maybe he dreamt it. Maybe he's still dreaming.