new phone who dis || mairi (COMPLETED)

20. we can try, right?

When the screen fades to black and the credits roll, Alejandro ends the live and turns to Mattia.

"So," he says, "what'd you say to him?"

He'd been waiting all day to ask. After Kairi woke up, they ate Mattia's pancakes then he and Kai went to Alejandro's bedroom to talk. Afterwards, they came out all giggly and cuddly, but Alejandro didn't want to straight out ask.

"What you told me to, basically," Mattia laughs quietly, then fondly looks back down at Kairi. "I started by apologising and explaining that the reason I didn't say anything was because I was afraid of fucking up our friendship. Then I put on my big boy pants and told him I like him. And he said he likes me too."

Alejandro smiled. Finally. "So... are you dating?"

Mattia cringes, making the smile drop from Ale's face. "We haven't really - discussed that. Yet!" Mattia interjects when he sees the disapproval. "I did ask him on a proper date though - we haven't really figured out the details. I swear we will talk about it, but if he's happy with whatever this is, then so am I."

Alejandro raises his eyebrows. "He really likes you, Mattia. I'm a thousand percent sure he wants more."

Mattia laughs. "I hope so. There has been one thing I've been wondering though. Did he tell you that he likes me?"

His friend looks at him like he's crazy. "Duh. We're his closest friends and he can't exactly talk to you about it."

Mattia nods, conceding the point. "How long ago?"

"He told me that he had a crush on a guy like two weeks ago, but I knew way longer. That's why I started messing with you in the first place."

"And all this time you let me sit here thinking that it was one-sided?"

"A promise is a promise," Ale shrugs. "Plus, Kairi still hadn't properly come out to me. I wasn't going to out him when he wasn't even sure."

"Mm, true," Mattia says.

"Speaking of which, what about you? You thinking of coming out anytime soon?"

Mattia doesn't answer for a moment. "Bruh, I don't even know what I am," is what he ends up saying. "All I know is I like Kairi."

"Have you ever liked a guy before him?"

"Dunno. Don't think so." Alejandro stares at him, unconvinced. "What?" Mattia exclaims. "Just because Kairi liked you doesn't mean I did!"

"Kairi didn't like me!"

"He kissed you!"

"As a friend," Alejandro stresses, and okay, it sounds dumb even to him. Still, when he's in an argument with Mattia, even if it was over the stupidest thing in the world, he refuses to lose.

"I've never kissed anyone as a friend," Mattia mumbles, then falls silent. Suddenly, his head whips to face Alejandro with wide eyes.

Alejandro frowns at him. That's the face he makes right before he says something stupid. "Why do you look like that?"

"You like him!" Mattia exclaims, then clamps a hand over his mouth when he realises Kairi's still asleep.

"How the fuck did you get to that conclusion?" Alejandro splutters, absolutely bewildered.

"You kissed him," he points out, which is the stupidest point in the world considering they already established that you can friendly-kiss someone.

"To help."

His friend wasn't listening though, too busy raving about his new theory. "That whole fake-liking him thing happened so naturally and was so convincing - because you do like him."

Mattia stares him down and Alejandro scoffs. Then breaks the gaze, glancing to the side. Okay, listen. "Used to," he finally admits, which makes Mattia pump his fists in celebration.

"Hah, I knew it. Wait, but you kissed my boyfriend." At that realisation, Mattia cradles Kairi's head to block him from Alejandro's view, glaring back at him.

Ale just rolls his eyes. "One, you're not even dating yet-"

"Yet!"

"-two, it was a year ago and three, I kissed him first so technically I have dibs. Not that I want him," Alejandro clarifies when Mattia's eyes narrow, "but if you look at the bro code-"

"You can shove the bro code up your ass."

The two stare at each other for a moment before they burst out laughing, trying to stifle it.

"I missed this," Alejandro admits through giggles. "It feels like all we do is argue."

"Because you tried to steal my boyfriend!"

"No, because you're an idiot who can't ask your own boyfriend out," Ale reminds him. Mattia grins back.

They fall silent again as Kairi shifts, tilting his head to the side. The fading light makes the dark circles under his eyes more pronounced. More real.

They stop smiling.

"I'm worried about him," Mattia whisper, breaking the silence. "We can tell him that we'll be there but when it gets bad, he won't call us. We all know it."

Alejandro grimaces. "That's why we have to catch him before it does. We're better equipped this time. We know the signs."

"Will it be enough?"

That question is all Alejandro had been thinking the past few weeks. Every part of him was so scared of not being there enough. Every time Kairi made a self-deprecating joke or mentioned that he was tired, the question slammed him in the chest, because he knows the answer. The reality is that it'll only be enough if Kairi lets it. And when it gets bad, he and Mattia know that that's almost impossible.

Instead of saying any of that, though, Alejandro shrugs. "We can try, right?"

Mattia nods, and they both wish it'd convince them. They had tried once before.

-

See, the thing about change was that it was gradual. Last year, they didn't think anything of it when Kairi started to decline invites. They had just thought that he was busy, and they respected that. So they let him.

And then one day, they realised they hadn't hung out with Kairi outside of school for a month. It was kind of shameful now, when they looked back on it. A whole month of Kairi slowly withdrawing, and the only reason they picked up on it was because Mattia and Alejandro were trying to explain an inside joke to him, insisting he must've been there for it.

There was something in Kairi's expression, just for a split second, that made them pause. He had stopped grinning, and his eyes looked so... dull. He stared just a little below their heads, like he couldn't muster up the energy to look any higher, and his face was devoid of any emotion. It was like he was moving slower too - Mattia would ask him something and it'd take a visible moment before Kairi would begin to move his head. His movements were so small, so tiny, it was like he was trying to disappear.

And the bags under his eyes had never been darker.

From that point on, Alejandro and Mattia tried to get him to tell them what was wrong - to no avail. Kairi would just fall silent and stare off into the distance, or he'd not come to school because he "couldn't be bothered". They had countless conversations, trying to figure out when it all started. But that was the thing - it was like Kairi had always been that way, even though they both had distinct memories of a happier, brighter Kairi.

Just when exactly did he stop smiling so hard? When did the eye bags begin to deepen? When did he start making those awful jokes about himself?

When did they stop paying attention?

-

a/n more next chapter ig, this ones kinda bad oof

also i think im gonna do more in the style of last chapter since yall really seemed to like it!! ty btw 🥺💕