No Better Heaven Than You.

Heaven, couldn't wait for you

J U N E • 2 3rd

"Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy."

– Unknown
•••
A I R I O N N A•

It wasn't real. It couldn't be... Standing slowly to slide my feet into my heels, I could feel the tears before they even rolled down my face. I wore no makeup, no fake hair, no fake nails. I would approach my Father as he first saw and always loved me.

My natural, beautiful self.

And I would always respect that love and support he built me on. I wouldn't disrespect his memory by being weak and relapsing. I would fall apart, but I'd eventually rebuild right..? Closing my eyes as the wind from outside blew in, I breath in slowly as it ruffled the ends of my dress and blew my hair across my still face gently.

"Everyone's ready." Looking at Carmen through the mirror, I noted the white flower tucked in her hair. The family wore white and everyone else black, with a hint of white somewhere. The men chose to wear white ties or tuck a white handkerchief somewhere in there suit. Without a word, I pulled my bedroom door open to see everyone standing there. Corey couldn't attend obviously, but he called me earlier this morning. Almost as if he knew I'd be awake in the middle of the night, getting no rest. No peace, no sleep.

He just knew.

"C'mon. We gotchu." Leaning against Nique as she grabbed my arm, I closed my eyes as we took it step...by step...down the wooden steps of my home. A home that would some day no longer be mine, a home that would someday become a place for another family. It agitated me, it frustrated me, and it angered me. My father raised me here, his love, his memory, his scent was here. I thought the house would smell like death and medicine, but that man left his soul here. His imprint to bring us comfort, but he would have to leave just like us.

They mean it when they say all good things come to and end.

"I'll see you guys there." I croaked, sliding in the limo and sitting next to my brother. Tray followed me and pulled my head to rest on his shoulder as the limo pulled off. The car was still, and silent. Only the wind provided sound as we drove. No one wanted to speak..no one could. We were all transfixed in our own personal pain, and senseless anger. Damon was mature and calm, understanding the shoes I had to fill.

He wanted to be peacemaker.

But my mother assaulted me on the day I needed her the most, Juliet said words that even if she apologized she could never erase from my mind. And Dana, she simply just..crushed my heart.
•••
F L A S H B A CK•

Gripping the blankets, I buried my face in them until I could smell the faint scent that Tray left behind. He had to go produce some content and visit his parents to give them more things for Cj. I didn't move after he left, and I didn't eat or drink anything. The smell of breakfast never woke me up, laughter didn't hit me ears and make me melt into the contagion of it.

Nothing.

It was silent, dark and still in my home. No one moved, no one budged. If there was any sound it was the toilet flushing, the water running and Juliet crying. She had me beat at this point, I couldn't produce anymore tears and I just laid in the bed stiff. Hair tangled and a mess atop my head, missing acrylic nails that somehow got ripped off in my hast to keep him here. My eyes were swollen and dry, my lips cracked from the tears that wet them and them later dried them out. I just laid there starring at the wall, hardly even breathing. My phone was off, only wanting to be bothered by Tray.