red vs blue(w/OCs): The Blood Gulch Chronicles (Discontinued)

[S1] Red gets a delivery

NEAR Red Base

Sarge, Seville, and Ayumi were waiting for Simmons and Grif to come to their location.

Ayumi: Sarge, why are we down here?

Sarge: Private Okuto and Corporal Seville, I got something to show you, but first, where are those two lazy soldiers! 

Sarge spotted Simmons and Grif coming 

Sarge: Hurry up, ladies. This ain't no ice cream social.

Simmons: Ice cream social?

Simmons and Grif exchange looks in confusion.

Sarge: stop the pillow talk, you two. Anyone... want to guess... why I gathered you here... today?

Grif: Uh... is it because the war's over and you're sending us home?

Seville: (deadpanned) Are you serious Grif?.

Grif shrugged

Sarge: (Sarcastically) That's exactly it, Private. War's over. We won. Turns out you're the big hero, and we're gonna hold a parade in your honor. I get to drive the float and Simmons here is in CHARGE OF CONFETTI! 

Grif: I'm no stranger to sarcasm, sir.

Sarge: Gosh DAMN it, Private. Shut your mouth, or else I'll have Simmons slit your throat while you're asleep!

Simmons: Oh, I'll do it, too.

Sarge: I know you would, Simmons. Goodman

Sarge then look at his men.

Sarge: Couple of things today, ladies. Command has seen fit to increase our ranks here at Blood Gulch Outpost Number One.

Grif: Crap. We're getting a rookie.  

Sarge: That's right, dead man. Our recruit will be here within a week. But today, we received the first part of our shipment from Command. Lopez!

Sarge turns towards the hill behind him.

Sarge: Bring up the vehicle. 

An Armored Jeep with a mounted chain-gun at the comes over the hill with a soldier in brown armor named Lopez, who drives the vehicle. He hops out of the jeep and goes to the Reds.

Simmons: Shotgun!

Grif: shotgun! Crap.

Sarge: May I introduce our new light reconnaissance vehicle.

Seville: (whistles) Sir, permission to talk about jeep? Because I've ridden one them since I was in the UNSC.

Sarge: Oh sure, why not?

Seville faces the Reds

Seville: This Vehicle is called The M12 Light Reconnaissance Vehicle, commonly known as the 'Warthog', which was a variant of the M12 Force Application Vehicle, also commonly known as the 'Warthog' or simply the'Hog', and the UNSC's most common anti-infantry vehicle. It has four-inch armor plating, mag bumper suspension, a mounted M41 chain gun at the back, and total seating for three. This thing saved many lives during the war itself. God bless the Warthogs.

Simmons: ...Why 'Warthog', Seville?

Sarge: Because M12 LRV is too hard to say in conversation, son.

Ayumi: And most militaries even called this vehicle 'Warthog' in the first place, Simmons.

Grif: No, but... why 'Warthog'? I mean, it doesn't really look like a pig.

Sarge: Say that again?

Grif: I think it looks more like a puma.

Sarge: What in Sam Hill is a puma?

Ayumi: (Sweatdrops) Eh!?

Simmons: Uh, you mean like the shoe company?

Grif: No, like a puma. It's a big cat, like a lion.

Sarge: ...You're making that up.

Seville: (Mutters) My god, I am surrounded by idiots except for Okuto.

Grif: I'm telling you, It's a real animal!

Sarge: Simmons, I want you to poison Grif's next meal.

Simmons: Yes, sir!

Sarge walks to the Warthog and pointing the tow hooks at the front of the vehicle.

Sarge: Look, see these two tow hooks? They look like tusks. And what kind of animal has tusks?

Grif: A walrus.

Sarge: Didn't I just tell you to stop making up animals?

Cliff near Red base

Tucker: What is that thing?

Church lowers his sniper rifle.

Church: I don't know. It looks like, uhh... looks like they got some kinda car down there. We better get back to base and report it. 

Tucker: A car? how they get a car?

Church What are you complaining about, man? We're about to get a tank in the very next drop.

Tucker: You can't pick up chicks in a tank.

That caught attention to Azumi and starting to hate at Tucker. 

Church: Oh, you know what? You could b**** about anything, couldn't you? We're gonna get a tank, and you're worried about chicks. What chicks are we gonna pick up, man? Well...

Church and Tucker slowly turn their heads at Azumi.

Azumi: What?

Then start to look at each other.

Church: Hey Tucker, don't ever think about it. And secondly, how are you gonna pick up chicks in a car that looks like that

Tucker: (sigh)What kind of car is it?. 

Azumi starts walking to them to see the vehicle.

Church: I don't know, I've never to see a car like that before. It looks like a, uhh... like a big cat of some kind.

Tucker: What, like a puma?

Church: Yeah man, there you go.

Azumi: (Thinking) Some people don't really know about the Warthog. Still, idiots.

Near Outpost-1

Sarge: So unless anybody has any more mythical creatures to suggest as a name for the new vehicle, We're gonna stick with the Warthog. How about it, Grif?

Grif: (Dejected) No, sir. No more suggestions.

Sarge: Are you sure? How 'bout Bigfoot?

Grif: I'm okay.

Sarge: Unicorn?

Grif: No, really.  Uh, I'm cool.

Sarge: Sasquatch?

Simmons: Leprechaun?

Ayumi: Kitsune?

Grif: Hey, he doesn't need any help, guys.

Sarge: Phoenix?

Grif: (Sigh) Christ.

Sarge: Hey Simmons! What's the name of the Mexican lizard? Eats all the goats?

Simmons: Uh, that would be the Chupacabra, sir.

Sarge: Hey, Grif! Chupa-thingy, how 'bout that? I like it. Got a ring to it.

Seville: (Sign) (Mutters) Same day, different s***.

==The End==

A/N: hey guys thank you for reading this chapter and I hope you guys enjoy!