Diary Of (Actual) Complete And Utter Band Trash

Their First Date

March 21, 2020
Dear Diary,

This might sound wrong, but I was kind of hoping all this corona-quarantine-stuff would ruin Janelle and Brianna's first date.

Sadly it didn't. They ended up going out to a park yesterday. They walked around, fed some ducks, and then apparently sat on the swings and talked for hours.

I know all of this because Janelle told me everything in great detail. It's like she's trying to upset me! I don't know what to do. I can't be with her and I also can't watch her be someone else's girlfriend.

Surprisingly, Jessica has been very helpful. As soon as Jessica found out that the pair went on a date, she texted me. She trashed them and said they weren't good for each other.

She said Janelle needed to be with someone who would complement her blonde hair- not match it. Apparently Brianna's hair is too similar to Janelle's. Janelle needs to be with someone like brown hair... like my shade of brown, according to Jessica.

Jessica also said their heights don't work out because neither one of them is dominant enough to initiate a kiss and therefore the two if them must be similar heights and Brianna is far too tall for Janelle. (Those were Jessica's words exactly.) In fact, Jessica suggested someone my height would be perfect.

Next were their names. Jessica said their ship names (I taught her what a ship name was) wouldn't sound good together. She said it would either be Janianna or Briannelle and apparently both of those suck. She said a random name like Ciara would sound better with Janelle's name: Jiara or Cielle.

I think it's safe to assume Jessica is on to me. It's kind of sweet. I love that girl.