Still Into You (ON HOLD)

33.Insanity

Samantha

"Why are you holding my phone? May tumawag ba ? may nagtext?". I urgently get my phone from Roxy after seeing her holding it. Mukhang kinukutuban ako ng di maganda sa pagkakahawak nya sa phone ko.

"Someone did. But I first called her!". paasik nyang sagot at naupo sa gilid ng kama.

"Dont tell me its Alrish?". sabi ko na nga at may ginawa na naman syang kalokohan.

"Is there something you want to tell me? Like the real score between you and her huh? Why the f*ck her name saved here as HEART?". kunot noo at salubong ang mga kilay nya ng itanong yon sakin. mababakas sa muka nya ang sobrang galit na kanina pa nya pinipigil.

And what am I going to say? I still wanted to protect her feelings. After all she is one of those people who help me get on with my life without Al before. I dont wanna be selfish pero ngayon I dont know. Kase how can I explain to her na hindi ko na mafufulfill yung pangako ko sa kanya back when we were on states. That I will definitely learn to love her more than the love she was giving me.

And that is selfishness already.

"Aaaansssweer meeee Daaaammnn".
she stood up screaming onto my face. She was out of control again with anger and started to threw things she'd hold.

"Hey Roxy.  Rox. . . Stop please". niyakap ko sya patalikod upang pigilan ang pagwawala nya. Unti unti ko syang pinakalma ngunit nagpupumiglas padin sya and this time she was crying. "I think this is not the right time for us to talk about that. Please calm your self down for a bit".

"Roxy? Only that? Dont you think I would not know? All these times Samantha. I am just observing. I am letting you do your devilish plan. To make her fall for you again. To give her numerous pain like she gave you before.". she turned around na parang sumusuko at luhaang tumingin sakin.  I can also feel her pain pero hindi ko alam kung paano ako magpapaliwanag sa kanya.

Na hindi ganon ang nangyari. Na muli kong minahal si Alrish. Na mas tumindi lang yung pagmamahal ko kay Alrish. Hindi ko na kayang maglihim pero kailangan. Because I dont want Roxy to put in a lot of pain. This is my fault. I am the one who needs to suffer. Pero paano? Si Roxy na ang nasasaktan.

"Now tell me how to calm down Sam", she holds my face and show how hurt she is"I did my best to stop you from loving her. Again. Pero you insist na ilapit ang sarili mo sa kanya araw araw and with that you're killing me".

"Please. Let me settle this issue first bago naten pag usapan babe". I felt stabbed after using this bullshit callsign again to atleast let her calm.

Her face suddenly glows and started to smile while wiping her tears with her arms like a child "Make sure of that okay? And I want you to blocked her on your phone. All of your connections with her starting today"

"Yes I will. Now let us head down for breakfast. And make sure to bring down your meds with you. Ayoko ng mababalitaan na magcocollapse ka because of skipping those okay?".

"I got stressed by you and I intentionally skipped meds and see if you are still concern to me". she rolled her eyes and headed to the bathroom.

For those meds ? Well I just knew about her condition last night. As I am heading home driving my car her dad called me and told me she collapsed and got seen by their private doctor and the doctor told them she was skipping meds.

For her vertigo.

She was diagnosed for having vertigo two weeks ago without my knowing.
That made me guilty once again.

Her dad called me asking if there is something wrong going on between us. Kaya I rushed to thier house. And ended up sleeping in here.

But Al. Thinking about her now makes my heart pound. Now what will I do? What am I going to tell her?

Ni hindi ko alam kung ano talagang naging flow ng usapan nila.

Or kung kakausapin pa ba nya ako.

Mababaliw na ata ako.

Itong problemang ginawa ko. Its like a time to time problem na hindi pa nasosolve ang isa eh nadagdagan pa.

I cant think straight.

How can I even do what she wanted? To cut every connection I had with Al? Ngayon pa nga lang nababaliw na ko kung pano ko aayusin ang samin ni Al.

Wala akong intensyon na pagsabayin sila. Ipapaliwanag ko din naman ang lahat ng totoo kay Roxy pero hindi talaga ito ang tamang panahon na nakikita ko para doon.

Bahala na muna. Pag nagkita kami ni Al mamaya mahaba haba talagang paliwanagan ito. Ang tanong matanggap nya pa kaya ang mga paliwanag ko?

______________________

"Hey M. Where's Al?". hindi ko makita si Alrish sa store this morning.

"Hindi po ba kayo tinawagan maam? Eh nag off po ngayon  ahh. May importante daw pupuntahan?". tugon nito habang inaayos ang daily log.

Importanteng pupuntahan? Birthday ba nino? Wala naman. "San daw?". Naku. Mukhang dahil na nga ito sa naging pag uusap nila ni Roxy.

"Wala pong sinabi kong saan basta sinabi nya sakin kanina through phone call na itinawag na daw nya yon kay Ms.
Lindsay."

"Ganun ba?". after hearing that tinawagan ko agad si ate to confirmed.

"Yeah. Very urgent daw yung pupuntahan nya at hindi pwedeng ipagpaliban. And since its weekdays at hindi masyado hassle ang orders at sales pinayagan sya gumora. Bat hindi mo alam anyway? I thought you were part of her urgent matter". confirmed nga. Pero san sya pupunta at bakit ganoon ang rason nya?

"She never informed me about that. Isa padin ako sa boss nya kung tutuusin." iritang sabi ko. Well infact totoo naman ah.

"Kung nag away kayo baka nasa kanila lang yon or tawagan mo mga friends nya. Hay nako kayong dalawa. Sige na im busy". and i heard an end tone sa kabilang linya.

Thats when I started to call her friends to ask them about her whereabouts.

But no one knows.

So I tried to text tita.

#hindi ba pumasok? baka may pinuntahan sila ni Jhane ngayon. Kadarating lang daw noon galing France. Nasa bahay nga sya kanina. Nag away ba kayo?

Para akong pinana sa utak ng mabasa ang reply ni tita. Nakalimutan ko na ngang may Jhane na umaaligid sa kanya.

This is not good. Wrong timing ang pagpapacute ng asungot na yun. Kung kelan nagkakalabuan kami ni Al. I had no choice na but to contact Al. Bahala na kahit galit ka sakin. Naiinis nadin ako sa thought na magakasama kayo ngayon ng asungot na yan.

Dial.

Dial.

Dial.

Pero wala akong lakas ng loob na marinig ang boses nya sa ngayon. Wala pa akong maipapaliwanag sa kanya. Gusto ko syang makita at makausap ng personal.

Baka mahuli pa ako. Mabulag sya sa panlalandi ng isang yon. Alam ko naman kung gano kahibang ang asungot na yon kay Al.

Ah basta I need to find them. At any cost.

"M. Hahanapin ko lang muna si Al ha. Maiwan na muna kita dito sa store". nagmamadali kong kinuha ang bag ko at nagpaalam kay Mia.

"Eh teka lang. Alam mo ba kung nasaan yun ngayon?".

"I will find her kahit sang lugar pa ko mapadpad". and I am sure of my words. To look for her kahit I dont have any trace of them kung nasaan ba sila.

Sabagay pwede namang magtext.

Al please.

Sana kausapin mo ko. Mababaliw na ko I swear.