REAL, michael j. fox

Chapter 22: No Light

"Time of death 15:02," I said finally. The group within the O.R. continued to stare on for a moment, seemingly shocked by the phrase finally being spoken by me. Weakening for a second, I shook my head and tried to maintain a certain composure as they soon began prepping to take her away. Jodie continued to look onto me for some kind of order as I simply took off the mask and gloves, leaving the room just as quickly.

Taking a deep breath for a moment, I continued to maintain a breathing rhythm that wouldn't result in me suddenly hyperventilating. Once I had maintained a professional composure again, I walked into the waiting room to find her parents waiting for me expectantly.

Speaking of death is never easy. But it hurts worse when you feel that sense of responsibility.

Leaving them to their grief and time to think about preparations for the body, I left off towards my office in quick strides. Shutting the door behind me for a second, I took a seat to stare ahead in the dark room. Knowing quite well this would be publicized more than it should be broke me a bit more.

If I hadn't- She deserved better than to be a news story about me.

A knock came from my office door as I turned towards it immediately. "Yes, come in." The door ahead opened to reveal Dr. Wilson, having me sit back in my seat once again.

She frowned momentarily to take a seat across from me. "I was making sure you weren't still sulking in here. It's been two days Caitlin, mourn him in a different way? There's still more patients that need you."

I looked to her in disbelief, shaking my head over this. "I've just got mountains of paperwork to fill out? That's why I'm in here," I lied to her, "And the fact I had to have to heard on the news today didn't help my process either."

Dr. Wilson sighed, sitting back for a moment. "You know they can train you all you want but- but losing someone isn't easy to deal with. Especially with what we do." She nodded and stepped up from her seat. "I'd try to talk about it at least; when you're ready."

I smiled to her softly and nodded in agreement as she left me alone to my thoughts yet again, replaying the events in my head repeatedly. Another knock came onto the door to have me groan. "Yes, what-" I stopped to see Mike looking to me apologetically for a moment. "Hi, Mikey."

He held up the two coffee in his hands to have me frown for a moment, getting up to take them from him. "Figured if you're gonna be sleeping here these days I might as well give you a little pick me up."

I sighed deeply over this, rubbing my temples out of annoyance with myself. "I've been so preoccupied here I haven't even had the chance to get moving. I'm sorry-"

"Hey-" He stopped me immediately to hold my hand. I turned up to look up to him looking to me sympathetically, bringing me to ease easier than anyone else these days could seem to do. "You don't have to apologize with me, alright? I understand, it's okay."

Simply nodding along in agreement, I held the cup of coffee tightly in my hands. "You're supposed to be headed to filming in a bit?"

"I had something else that was more important to check up on." Michael smiled to me for a moment. "I know there's not really the right words to say and I could never understand the pressure you're put under constantly, but I do take pride in knowing what I need to tell you to put you at ease. You can move past this Cat? It's nothing to do with your skill, this happens as sad as it is."

Growing annoyed over the same iteration of advice I'd received twice in a row, I simply nodded along to pretend to agree. "Alright." I motioned over to my desk. "I've got some work to do here."

Michael nodded quickly, kissing my cheek to eye me worriedly. "I love you?"

"Love you too," I muttered out, going back to being behind my desk again as he left out soon after.

***

Standing alone in the room for a second, I folded my arms in deep thought as I continued to replay the situation in my head. Knowing Thea's condition was already in a bad state as it was meant I couldn't put myself fully responsible for the situation. Yet here I was, putting myself fully responsible of the situation.

"Dr. Hall-"

I wiped my eyes quickly before turning to see Jodie standing beside the doorway, looking onto me worried. "I just- I thought you'd be in here."

I nodded, turning back towards the bench. "You should be heading home now. There's no point in you staying here."

She sighed, stepping beside me for a moment. "If you're gonna stay here for the night, I feel I should too? It's only fair."

Looking over to her smiling to me sympathetically, I shook my head. "You're the best of them, you know that? But I need you to get some rest, god knows how little of it you probably get. Please? Just do me this favour, alright?"

"I'll see you tomorrow then, Dr. Hall." Leaving me back alone to my thoughts for a moment in the operating room, I contemplated going home myself. By now there would've been some word in the medical community and I'd have to face the music more so with the king of perfection at home.

Quite honestly, I don't think I could take a few kind words right now. At least I don't think I deserve them this time.

Setting myself up to sleep on the couch in my office again, I didn't feel the need to tell Michael where I was this time around.

I mean- he deserves better than the mess I am right now anyways. So much better.

A/N lol we're gonna be // s a d //

~J.S. 💋