Maybe This Time

Here beside you

Beatriz

Sleep, cry, and then sleep again. This is what i've been doing since this morning. Actually after ng call i was so in shocked natulala muna ko thinking galit lang si kianna and i'll just make suyo later so i slept. I woke up around 11 am and remembered every single word kianna said. It was just this time na nagsink in na she really is breaking up with me. So i started bawling my eyes out.

To: Babe 🌺

Babe please let me talk to you. Please give me another chance. Last na promise i will make the most out of it. Let's fix this please. I swear babawi ako sa lahat ng kasalanan ko sayo. I know i fucked up big time babe. So please please please just talk to me. I love you

I texted her hoping for another chance, hoping it's not too late for me to make up for all my shortcomings. I wasn't expecting for this day to come. Masyado siguro akong nakampante? That she won't leave me but HAY i just dont know what to do anymore😭

From: Babe 🌺
Bea it's Mika. Please huwag muna ngayon. Kianna is so fragile at the moment. With all of these happening, her family problems, medyo napagiinitan pa ni coach sa training, and then this. Kianna needs to heal. You weren't there for her when she needed you. Kaya please if you really love her wag ka na dumagdag pa sa igugulo ng isip niya. Thank you.

"Isabel, anak, lunch is ready let's eat na." My mom said as she knocks on my door. Ugh im not in the mood to eat and ayoko pa na malaman niya na break na kami ni kianna. Ayoko din na makita niya kong umiiyak.

"I'm not hungry yet i ate salad this morning. Strict diet, cant get heavy, season's coming. Thanks mom love you" i answered. And then i started crying. Feeling ko tho gets na ni mom that im not okay. Usually kasi even if im not gonna eat i'll just go down and spend the time with them. if i dont go out of my room, they all know it already, im not okay and i want to be alone until im okay. Bahala na im just gonna sleep again.

I woke up. Again. At around 4PM and saw that Jho texted me. Hay finally, someone who understands me.

From: Jhowjhow 💛🌻

Beh!! Otw din kami ni Marci sa tagaytay. Meet tayo!! Ayan na makakapagdouble date na tayo hahaha asan kayo? Enjoy kayo ni kianna!! ☺️

Ah shit di niya pa nga pala alam. Wala pa pala kong sinasabihan. Hay nakakahiya naman if papapuntahin ko siya dito. Sisirain ko pa yung date nila just because of my own love life. Di bale na i can do this. I'll be okay.

From: Jhowjhow 💛🌻

Slr jho i jwu. uhm di kami natuloy ni kianna. She broke up with me this morning. Ingat kayo ni Marci.

I guess di naman talaga maiiwasan in a situation like this to feel alone no? Kaya ayun, i just cried again. This is how i handle pain. Kaya i dont want others to see me when im in pain. Im just gonna cry it all out until im okay diba i didnt bother anyone pa.

"Beh gising na. Di ka pa daw kumakain buong araw sabi nila. Nagluto ako ng food. Eat na dali" i woke up with jho's voice and the smell of bacons in my room. Wait Jho?! Why is she here akala ko ba may date sila? "Ay 9 na pala? Di ko napansin. I thought you're with marci? how's your date?" I asked while trying to smile. I kinda tried to change the topic but knowing this girl di niya ko titigilan until later.

"Ay ang daming tanong beh? Kumain ka na muna diyan ano gusto mo subuan pa kita? Lika dito." - Jho while fixing the foods on the small table here in my room. "Tsaka tapos na date namin sinabihan din kasi ni ate ly kanina na wag na magpagabi. Ops dont worry alam na ni ate ly na nandito ko at you, you will let me stay here with you tonight wala kang choice bleh" she added. Hay she really knows how to handle me on my bad days.

I just ate what she cooked. Bacons and eggs with fried rice. I really LOVE breakfast foods. I can eat a lot and really make up for the breakfast, lunch, and dinner that i missed today. "Beh how's your date nga with Marci?" I asked while my mouth is full pa. I mean nakonsensya naman ako no baka nageenjoy pa siya but now she has to notice how messed up i am pa.

"Hmm okay naman. Kumain lang kami ng bulalo. Pinapakamusta ka nga pala niya." Jho answered. Di ko na siya sinagot because im busy eating and i dont know how to answer the "kamusta" part. Tapos na din ako kumain and since she's the one who prepared all of these na ako na nagligpit.

"Beh seryoso na. You can tell me everything na. Andito ko i will listen. You know that di ako titigil hanggat di mo sinasabi sakin kung ano ba talaga nangyare." Jho said pag balik ko ng room with a serious face. Hay ito yung jho na hindi ko matitiis. So i sat down on my bed.

"uhm i dont know where to start but uhm..." and then i started crying. for the nth time. "It's my fault jho. It was all on me. Imagine I didn't even know na they have a family problem pala? And while i was reading our conversation kanina ilang beses ko pala sya tinurn down this week. I thought she would understand my schedule. Well she did but what happened today add up pa. So i told her i was gonna pick her up at 5:30 i woke up at 6 from her call and there she lost it." I managed to say while crying.

"Beh im so sorry. Dahil ata sakin kaya ka late natulog kagabi. Sorry talaga promise tutulungan kita makausap si kianna." She said. And i can hear the regret from her tone. "No no no beh it's just one of the thousand reasons why it happened. It was on me okay? Kaya ko to. Thank you for being here. That's enough for me jho. Thank you" i said but of course she insisted padin to talk to kianna.

Our night didn't there. I continued crying the whole night but it feels better knowing that you have someone beside you listening.