Why? [YiZhan FanFiction]✔️

-6- Anger

-6- Anger

When I woke up, my heart was still racing. I don't understand why I suddenly dreamt of Yibo and our night together.But I do understand he still has my heart in his hands. Even though he had no control over it for a while.

Maybe it was just a short relapse after everything that happened to me these past months. And maybe it's also because my parents wanted to talk to me about Yibo again at the airport. "You should talk to Yibo." Said my mother when she hugged me goodbye.

And my father whispered, "You should stop being so stubborn and let us talk to you about Yibo."

I was so angry that I took Xinxin and left before the flight was called. I don't understand why they can't finally stop after all these years. I only hope they keep to what I asked them to do back then in the letter.

I wrote them about Emma and our impending marriage. But I also asked them to keep it to themselves and not to speak of it to anyone. My mother told me that she and my father said nothing to anyone, not even to my sister.

And they explained their long stay with me by saying that they just missed me and wanted to spend time with me.

I know it's childish of me and selfish. But that's just the way I feel. I don't want Yibo or Yanli to know anything about me, just like I don't want to know anything about them.

After that dream last night, I am just angry again. What the hell did I do to make Yibo reject me like that?

Then why did he start something, just to get rid of me?

Did he think he could just see what it was like to sleep with a guy? Why don't we just use our best friend, fuck him and then he can piss off? Was that his thinking?

He told me to think for myself about what I did wrong. But what did I do? Until that night, everything was fine between us. Or does he blame me for him falling all over me?

And do my parents support him now even though they knew what was going on between him and me? I told my parents before I went to the US. I told them that he slept with me and then dumped me. Do they think that's OK because of Yanli?

Maybe I shouldn't have contacted my parents, because then all these questions from back then wouldn't torture me so much again. I would just be myself and a good father for Xinxin.

I am twenty-three years old now and I have been torturing myself with all these questions and pain for four years.

Whatever I did wrong in my previous life, it must have been bad enough to cause such suffering. Yibo and Emma, two people I loved and both are no longer in my life.

Emma was the most beautiful woman I knew. Loving, sensual, tender and absolutely pure. And she turned into this mentally ill woman. And without her ever coming back to her senses, she took her own life and left me and our daughter.

I don't know how to explain it to Xinxin later. How can I tell her that her mother suffered a pregnancy-induced psychosis, lost her mind and killed herself five months after her daughter was born?

I don't want to lie, nor do I want to tell her the truth. But what if she grows up and wants to have a baby herself? Did she inherit this predisposition from her mother? So can I hide what happened? No! But then how do you tell this to your innocent child?

If I could turn back the time, it would probably be to the day when Yibo and I became friends.

Yibo came to my class in the middle of the school year. He didn't talk to anyone, avoided their looks and always stood alone in some corner while all the other kids played outside.

I went up to him and offered him some candy. He looked at me grimly and shook his head. But I didn't stop, I put the candy in his coat pocket. I sat down on the floor next to him and quietly sang a song that my grandmother had taught me.

The next day I went back to him and sat down next to him. He did not speak a word to me and did not look at me. But I did not care, I knew he needed a friend. Everyone needs friends!

For two weeks I did that. I sat down next to him. Sometimes I'd talk about myself, sometimes we'd just watch the other kids in silence. My classmates and friends always told me to stay away from him, he was strange.

But I didn't care. I kept going that way. Unfortunately the other schoolmates always teased him. One day he was so angry, then he yelled at me when I sat down next to him.

He told me to leave him and not to annoy him any more. For the first time someone told me I was annoying. That hurt me very much and I left him there and sat down in the shade under a tree where I, small and stupid as I was, cried at first.

A few days later I accidentally ran into the meanest boy in our class when we were in the schoolyard and I turned around to Yibo. I wanted to see if he was okay.

John Lau, the mean boy, grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and pushed me to the ground. I banged my elbow on the ground. John Lau laughed and sat on me, punching me in the face.

And just when I was expecting another punch, Yibo dragged him off me and kicked him so hard that he lay on the floor crying. Yibo helped me up and took me to the nurse's room.

"You'd better always stay by my side, ZhanZhan." He said to me after the school nurse had treated my wounds. And I did it, I stayed by his side and John Lau had never bothered any of our classmates after that.

When I think about it, my heart hurts again. Why did I have to fall in love with him of all people? Why? Why did I have to fall in love with him? Couldn't it have been anyone else? Why did it have to be Yibo? Why did our friendship have to suffer because of this?