Violently Icy

Fall has Fallen

Fall has come once again and thank God for it because it's the most beautiful time of year. Even though I was seriously annoyed with Ryder, I knew the twins would make everything better for me. With or without Ryder. I knew what he was going to show me too so my decision really wasn't that difficult, it just sucked for the twins. The Embers brothers were all I had at this point, but they were better than nothing.

I knew they could sense the irritation and disappointment in me and they wanted his blood for doing this again to me, but most especially, to the twins. They didn't deserve this bullshit and he was probably out getting high and fucking other bitches.. Again. I just stopped trying to get him to pay attention to us because it was clear it wasn't worth it. We weren't going to be worth ANY of his time. He was NEVER going to change his ways.

My heart just broke. Just losing my friend and now doing this pregnancy all the way through without the father of my children.. There aren't enough words to describe the pain I was in. I had been constantly lied to and betrayed and for what? To be continuously lead on by someone I ACTUALLY loved. Believed in. Trusted. It didn't matter if he had bought me whatever I was going to need, it mattered that he meant what he claimed about wanting his family back.

I just wish he understood where I was coming from. Wish he'd get the stick out of his ass and do what he knows he needs to. What he promised he'd do. I finally understood where I stood though.. Although I already knew exactly where I stood the whole time.I had to bite back the tears that were forming in my eyes and the sadness already forming on my face.

We got to the hospital and immediately they both said," We aren't going anywhere so let the nurses know if you need us". I knew then that they were the family that I never had. They were also all I had left (aside from the twins). Right before I was taken back to the room, Ryder showed up and started to apologize for not getting back to me. The Embers brothers stood in front of me, partially in Ryder's way.

They're arms were crossed and they weren't standing down. "I'm sorry something came up and I should have gotten ahold of you sooner, but I'm here now. I love you", Ryder said. I just rolled my eyes behind the brothers and they also rolled their eyes. They stepped to the sides of me and I replied,"You can't lie anymore. I know what you are trying to do and it's not working. I'm not getting lead on anymore, Ryder. And you sure as shit aren't going to hurt these kids either. Me, I could give a fuck less about. Its about THEM.

You can't even handle them because you can't even show up when you're needed the most. I just don't know if I can even try to co-parent with you. I can't count on you. You keep trying to buy me and promising shit that never goes through. I'll try to co-parent with you but of it doesn't work for ANY reason, I'm cutting you off completely." The nurses got on our asses about heading to the room now and we did just that. The Embers brothers followed behind Ryder.

They all turned around while I got undressed and into the gown. Once they hooked me up to everything, Ryder came to the side of the bed and said,"I'm sorry for not being perfect but I never stopped trying to figure shit out with us. Our family. Trying to make shit happen for us.." I interrupted him, saying,"It doesn't matter if your perfect because that shit doesn't exist. You had the chance to prove eitherwise by being there and you chose to do you. There is no us. No REAL family.

He began to get irritated by my words but there was no care because it was the truth. "As I was saying, I know what I need to do I just.. I'm not sure how to start on things anymore. I know I fucked up though and I admit that I should be better than I have been. I'm admitting my fuck-ups. That's a start.. I hope, he replied. I couldn't help but shake my head at him. He clearly STILL didn't understand. "You still don't get it! That shot doesn't matter, it's not important to me. Yeah, I do appreciate you admitting you were wrong, I do, but it's not enough. You KNOW what you have to do. The problem is you don't give enough of a shit to actually do it," I replied back.

He was getting very frustrated now because he didn't want to be called out because he felt he wasn't in the wrong completely. That his attempts to do shit were an excuse for his ultimate laziness. I had no fight left on me anymore and I knew it was visible. The Embers brothers came forward and Tate said,"I think it's best if you just leave now. You won't change for her and those kids won't be any fuckin different. I know your kind, they can never give up even though they're hurting others."

Daemon followed him to the door and watched him walk out of the hospital room and sit in the waiting room right outside of the room. They both went and sat down in the chairs in the room, directly across from the bed where I was. None of us uttered a sound, we just stayed in silence for what seemed like an eternity. The nurses occasionally came in and did what they needed to and left not really saying much themselves.

I felt incredibly overwhelmed by pain and I knew the time had come.. The twins were coming! The doctor and nurses rushed in and the brothers stood on their feet. Ryder didn't come on for a bit because he was busy being mad about the truth. He wandered in before they had me pushing. He came over to my hand and held it and let me squeeze when I needed to.

The brothers watched him closely. Watched his every movement. Waited for his fuck up. He shocked us all when he didn't fuck up and he cut the cord to them. He didn't really have much of a smile on his face as he held then in his arms (which didn't surprise us). The few days in the hospital weren't too bad but they could've been better. Ryder's attitude hadn't changed much and he seemed like he was bored and wanted to leave.

"Just go ahead and leave. Go do whatever you want. You're bored anyways. Its completely obvious," I said. But for whatever reason, he just stayed and carried on. When they cried things began to go very wrong... He'd become heavily upset and would even lose his temper a bit. He'd hand them to me most of the time, as if he didn't want them at all. It really hurt. They mostly cried and he would just get up and leave the room for hours at a time when they'd start.

The brothers watched it the entire time and even thought about locking the door on his ass. Tate came forward to my bedside and held my son while I held my daughter and almost instantly, they calmed down. I hated that Ryder was incredibly impatient and was super stuck in his ways. When he came back in, he scoffed at Tate and Daemon jumped to his throat. "Whatever it is, back off because you are VERY wrong.  I almost guarantee it," Daemon said, his teeth bared.

"You've been lying to me since day one, Ryder. So you being jealous is just proving more than I already figured out," I said. He just scoffed again. "You know what, I don't need this! You were nothing then and you sure as shit aren't anything now. Always claiming I'm the asshole when I have done nothing but been at your side. It may not have been right away but I still came when I could," Ryder shot back. He pushed Daemon away and left the hospital altogether. Daemon watched him drive away from the window in the room.

Tate and I switched because my son, Sabin, was hungry and it was helpful that he was there for me. He held my daughter, Wynrie as I fed Sabin. I felt incredibly overwhelmed with emotions. I knew I had to name my daughter after my fallen friend and it wasn't that that was emotional for me. Ryder never even said their names. Just called them "Girl and Boy" and that hurt. I wish he cared and ACTUALLY cared. It wasn't even about me, it was about Sabin and Wynrie.