Avengers Interracial Preferences and Imagines

i'm back

may 31, 2015. 

i was 14 years old when i first started writing this. 

i was young, and naive, and not afraid of my own willpower to succeed. at 14 i was more than just the adjectives i previously used, i was in love with marvel, more specifically in love with tony stark. 

tonight, as i logged into wattpad for the first time in nearly two years, i realized how much i have changed since i was that high school little girl. i feel that i have not completely fallen out of love with the mcu, contrary to what i previously thought. with the release of endgame last year i really shut down and felt disengaged from my life. i had become so emotionally invested in tony stark, the only positive father figure i had in my life during my teen years, to the point at which i spent an entire therapy session talking about how his death deeply affected me. as im writing this, it is 2:35 a.m., and it is almost the one year anniversary of tony's (wrongful) death on the big screen. 

in the last year alone, i found myself more disengaged with marvel as a whole, and more engaged with my own life as i began my freshman year of college. in that year alone, i fell in love, i got hurt, i laughed, i cried, i danced, but most importantly, i grew. i grew so much that wattpad became something i lost sight of, something i felt that i was no longer interested in; however, i deceived myself. i realized i was scared. for me, writing this book was a step into creating this world that i and other people who look like me could live in. a safe universe where words become figments of our imaginations, where those imaginations help us escape whatever we may or may not be going through. i was scared that i had let you guys down, that i had shut down that safe space because i felt that i no longer needed it, but the truth is, i need it now more than ever.

at the time that i started this, i felt that it was almost necessary for me to have this book, a place to retreat after a long week of geometry homework, or after listening to my parents yell at one another. it was my crutch. in the 5 years since i started writing this, ive fallen in love with Jesus, and he has become my safe space. however, i now believe that since i am secure in my own identity in Christ i feel that i am ready to write again. i feel that when i wrote 5 years ago it was an outpour of emotion, an expression of my frustration in my daily life. as i've matured in the last 5 years ive come to realize that writing shouldnt be a punishment, it should be something i enjoy. 

i want to change the world with my words, and i know that that happens partially by continuing here. i never expected that my stories would have almost 200,000 reads on wattpad when i started 5 years ago. tonight was the first night in 2 years that id opened the app, and reading through my old works nearly brought me to tears.

im in love with writing, with sharing, with helping people discover who they are or to help them escape reality long enough to find out who they want to be. i want to continue to be an inspiration to every single person who decides to click on my story to see what i have to say. 

my only obligation is: where do i begin? i feel that endgame screwed me up so bad, to the point at which when i was reading my work from 2 or 3 years ago, i felt sad. i missed the days as an mcu stan when the biggest of our worries was ultron levitating sokovia into the ground. nothing has been the same since endgame. everything has felt off. even now when i go back and watch old mcu movies i cant help but think it will never be like that again. no more original 6 on the big screen. tony is gone. cap is gone. nat is gone. i was heartbroken and devastated, watching my childhood crumble before my eyes last year. 

however, now that i have healed, i know that there is hope. 

our favorite characters stay alive because we write them into our stories, we give them life and a future with a few keystrokes at midnight when inspiration strikes us.

tony isn't gone because the russos wrote him off, he exists because we, the writers and the fans, control our stories, the one where he actually gets his happily ever after. the one where tony and morgan grow up together. the one where (y/n) gets to fight in the battle of new york with the original six. we are limitless. we can go forward and write a beautiful woman into every scence in infinity war, or we can hop backwards and write a powerful character into the battle of sokovia. we control the narrative. 

so what im saying, if im saying anything at all, is welcome back. im here to keep hope alive for so many people. im here to help people. im here to inspire people. 

its all i am, and its all ive ever wanted. 

see you soon,

xx- gigi