Don't Try the Noodles

Chapter 39

Chapter 39

Bailey

The green tea Caleb gave me is delicious. It's still hard to believe he remembered that little remark Ethan had made a while ago. I hold my favorite green cup to my nose, breathing in the warm herbal scent. My chest feels hot. I can't tell if it's simply from the tea—

Or from the thought of him.

Fantasies can sometimes become reality. It's become like that for me. Or maybe I still am living in a fantasy. It would be a little sad if that is the case, although I'm not going to sulk over it for once. This time, I'm going to let myself enjoy what cannot be true.

Once empty expectations that only filled me with shame are now turning into sweet anticipations. This cannot be true, yet it is.

Caleb hasn't stopped messaging me all day. He wishes the restaurant isn't closed on Sundays, so he can come see me today.

I'm rereading that text over and over again, my grip over my phone getting tighter and tighter each time. I can't sit still on my bed anymore. I place my tea down on the nightstand and resort to rolling around in my covers a few times to get this tingling sense of joy out of me. I don't know what I should reply with.

He wants to see me.

I want to see him, too.

However, I can't bring myself to tell him that. I don't feel like I have the right to. All this must come easily to someone as great as Caleb. But for someone like me...

I drop my phone down next to me and stare up at the white ceiling. I think back to the past four years. What his past four years must have been like compared to mine. For someone who can stand so tall and confidently on a stage in front of countless people...

Surely, he couldn't have been bullied.

I gasp at my phone's ringtone. The dark thoughts begin to melt away. Caleb has come to take their place.

"Hello?" he says the moment I pick up. His voice is so gentle and kind. That hasn't changed.

"Um, hello," I say nervously.

"I'm sorry. Were you busy?"

"No."

"Did you read my message?"

"Yes." I shouldn't have said that. What if he thinks I was purposely ignoring him—

"I miss you."

"Me, too," I reply instinctively.

My face burns as I wish to bash it into my pillow from the embarrassment. I don't know if I should say anything else. I probably shouldn't. I'll just make a fool of myself even further. I can't even hold a normal conversation.

I'm so antisocial.

Stupid.

Ugly.

"Hey?" Caleb says.

"Y-Yes?"

I hear his breathing as he chuckles. "Um, the thing is..."

He pauses for some time, making me a little anxious. I stay quiet though.

Letting out a long sigh, he eventually says, "I'm so happy right now."

"What?" That's the last thing I expected to hear from him.

"Just getting to meet you and being able to talk to you like this. Bailey, I'm so happy you're here."

"But...I'm not that special."

"Yes, you are."

I shiver at the conviction behind his voice. I don't understand it.

"You really are special, Bailey. You've been so since I first met you. I'm an idiot for having taken this long to finally realize how special you are to me. I should've known it back in middle school. The way you made me smile with how cute you were whenever you got nervous in class."

I've always found my nervousness to be so antisocial.

"The way you made me feel grateful to be able to pick up the things you'd occasionally drop in the hallway."

I've always been so clumsy and stupid.

"The way you'd make me laugh from seeing you laugh so adorably."

I've always considered my laugh to be so unattractive.

Ugly.

"You ugly Korean. Do you know your eyes disappear when you laugh?"

"Caleb."

I take a deep breath. I have this sudden urge to pour everything out. To confess all the pain I had endured and held onto for these past few years. I want to let them out. I want to let them go now. It's been enough.

Enough.

I want to move on. Or better yet, come back. I want to come back to the time when the boy I like had liked me back.

Because he has come back to me even after all this time.

"Bailey?"

"Caleb."

Saying his voice isn't so hard anymore. He is nothing like the bullies of my past. He doesn't see me the way they had. He doesn't see me the way I have.

I finally understand it. And from that, I find confidence.

"Caleb, I liked you back in middle school, too. I regretted never being able to tell you before. But I think I've realized that maybe it's because I was never able to tell you—" And because of the painful moments I had had while apart from you. "—that I'm certain I love you even more now. Now that you're here with me once more."