𝙁𝙖𝙣𝙖𝙖
(𝑛.) 𝑑𝑒𝑠𝑡𝑟𝑢𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝑜𝑓 𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑓 𝑖𝑛 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒
Little warning, I wrote this when I was like 13 so it's incredibly cringe and definitely not my best work. I would've unpublished it if it wasn't for the views 💀😂
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• Empty • Word Count ~ 1469
I stayed up all night...
I didn't get a wink of sleep...
Tears had stained my face...
I just sat there behind my locked door, in the safety of my cabin.
I felt empty.
I'd stopped crying after about an hour last night, then I just looked at the empty walk across from me for the rest of the night.
I knew I looked like a mess, but I honestly couldn't give a fuck anymore.
What had I done wrong?
Why did I have to fuck up the one thing that made me happy?
That made me want to fight.
To live...
I'd made sure to cry quietly last night so no one would hear.
It was about midday and no one had come to see me.
'Good, I want to be alone'
They were probably still all at training.
My wrist was throbbing in pain, but I felt as if I'd gone completely numb, I don't even care about the pain. If it wasn't broken then it was definitely sprained. A massive purple bruise surrounded it, with red marks still clearly visible.
'Just another scar among many...'
All the concealer on my face and body had completely rubbed off, all my scars, cuts and bruises from my father now on full display.
I'm really bloody thankful for that lock on my door right now.
I hate that he has this much control over me. If only he didn't kiss me after the beach. If only I didn't kiss back, this all could of been avoided.
I'm so fucking done. I don't even in know if I have it in me to put on a fake smile anymore.
Id never allowed myself to get close to anyone. I used to mentally block everything out. Just deal with it physically. And now the one time that I finally let someone in, I get hurt.
I thought I could start afresh here. Now I see how much of a mistake that was.
Now I'm not only dealing with the mentally pain from this place but also the mentally pain from my past.
Sometimes it's easier to pretend you don't care, Then to admit that inside it's killing you so badly.
But what if you just don't have the energy to put on an act anymore?
