Undone

18 (Colby's Pov)

"Goddamnit." I groaned, scrubbing my hands over my face. I was in the elevator of Jade's apartment complex, my heart was pounding out of my chest. Partly because of our kiss, and partly because of well.. I'm not sure. These last few days with her have been so different from what they usually are.  At first, we never hung out alone except to hook up but now, I want to be around her all the time. I want to be friends with her. But there's something else, something that I can't even understand. I feel different, my brain isn't working around her anymore, I'm not sure it did in the first place, though. I didn't even meant to call her love when I left, it slipped out, just like it had the first time I called her that. She didn't freak out this time, so maybe she was getting used to it. Getting used to it? I shouldn't be calling her that anyways, it's against our rules, and I don't feel that way about her. Do I? No. Absolutely not, I can't do that. It would ruin everything, not to mention Jade would hate me. I stepped out of the building and got a blast of cold air to the face, calming me down a bit. I got into my car and pulled out of my parking spot. I wonder what Jade would do if I did have feelings for her. I sighed, I don't even know her well enough to answer that. "Shit!" I yelled, slamming on the breaks. The care in front of me slammed on its breaks in front of me and honked the horn. Dammit, I need to focus. I turned on some music to drown out my thoughts until I got back to my apartment. When I got back I realized I should probably come up with an excuse for the way I've been acting. I know Jade suspects there's something going on that I'm not telling her. But what am I supposed to say? "I feel like I might be catching feelings?" Hell no. She would freak out, I mean, I'm freaking out! I texted Jade a quick apology and a half-hearted explanation. I told her that I was sorry for acting out of character and that we should talk later. She read it immediately but she didn't respond, so I put my phone down. I caught myself looking at it every five seconds. Frustrated, I decided I was going to clean my apartment. It wasn't dirty, I just needed something to keep my mind off of Jade. I went to my bedroom and began picking up all the clothes on my floor. I picked up and band tee shirt that I didn't recognize, then I realized it was Jade's. Are you kidding me? I can't even get away form her in my own house. I spent almost half an hour cleaning before I heard my phone go off. I literally ran across the living room and grabbed it, opening it quickly to see Jade's response. Damn, that wasn't smart. I was probably coming off super needy. So what? She already thought I was, well not necessarily in that way, but whatever. She said that I didn't need to apologize, which wasn't true, and that we could talk either tonight or tomorrow. She still wasn't sure if she was coming over tonight. I sighed, part of me really wanted her to come over, but I knew I needed time to think about what to say. How was I going to tell her that I'm questioning my feelings for her? That's not an easy conversation to have with your sex buddy. I felt like i had to though, I already felt guilty about it and I knew I would feel worse if I didn't come clean. I told Jade to call me when she figured out where she was spending the night and told her that I hope she had sun. She didn't say anything, just sent a heart. I wonder what that meant. Nothing, probably. I was most likely just looking for something that's not there. After I finished picking up a few things, I crashed on the couch. I watched some TV, trying to keep my mind off Jade again. I think it's safe to say that it didn't work, she kept invading my thoughts. I was getting tired of it, why is she just now starting to effect my like that? I was getting tired so i tried to edit some YouTube videos until I fell asleep.

Sorry today's isn't that good. There's going to be sex soon, so that'll make it more interesting. I feel like I'm loosing my mind. Please vote and stay safe!