Loving The Dark

Part Fourteen

Nyah looked up at the ceiling of the dormitory she shared. She didn't want to continue like this, though she couldn't give up either. She sighed and got out of bed. Grabbing some parchment, a blanket, and a quill on her way out.

She went to the couch in the common room. Snuggled up on the couch with her paper. She addressed the letter, dear mom.

Dear mother,

Oh how I wish you were here. It's Nyah, your only daughter writing to you. I just don't know what to do any longer. I'm sure you know what's happened with Draco. I know you're there, I'm sure you and James watch Harry and I. You keep us safe. James isn't my father and probably hates me for all I know but I know I haven't been alone some nights. Some nights I feel your presence. I just want to be able to open my eyes and see you. Oh how I hate love. I told him I love him and he broke me. This letter is going to be very scrambled, I'm sorry. I don't understand how I can do all that for him, be myself around him, be vaunerable in front of him, just drop my guard and he was lying the entire time! Feelings are terrible. They make us believe everything is okay, everything will always be okay, then it does something like this! Love, I detest that word. Oh the meanings to it are endless. Enough about that. Harry and I are getting along. He and I are very close actually. I trust him and a boy I met, Cedric Diggory. They're the only friends I have here. I've only really made enemies. Harry has a crush, mom. He fancies a Weasley girl. Her name is Ginny, Ginny Weasley. She's the girl he rescued from the Chamber of Secrets last year. Then Cedric says he doesn't fancy anyone but I don't believe him. I think he has his eyes on Choo Chang. Shes' a Ravenclaw in my year. She's quite smart and very beautiful. I wish I had the smarts of her. I dont know what to do. Father is always helping me but it seems he isn't telling me as much as I need to know. Then Sirius Black is on the loose. He went after Harry! On Halloween night! I was with Draco and we-. Not important. Is he a bad guy? Everyone speaks ever so lowly of him. I don't believe it though. If he was a friend of you and James then he mustn't be like that. And the Mauderurs map, oh I love that thing. The odd thing is I'm always seeing a Peter Pettigrew on it. I thought he was dead. I went searching for him not long ago and it was just Ron Weasley. He's the boy who fancies my worst enemy, Hermione Granger. She- ugh I cant rant about her enough! The things she has done! Oh my Merlin! Then there's Professor Lupin, I don't understand him. Though he has told me he was a friend of you and James. I've spoken to him many times, I respect him very much. Anyways, I know you'll never be able to read this but I had to write to you. I love you mom, I always will.

With love, Nyah.

Nyah smiled sadly as she finished the letter. She folded it and put it in the pocket of her pants. She wanted her mother ever so badly. The one thing she could never get.

She sighed and decided to write another letter. This one to Cedric.

Dear Cedric Diggory,

We both know I'll never become this emotional and open in person so I thought I'd tell you how much you mean to me in writing. Though I hope to god this letter will never be in your possession. You've helped me through so much more than you'll ever know. Everything with Draco Malfoy. From the party to everything with Hermione. And not hating me after I was a crazy girl in quidditch. You saved me, it's safe to say it. You saved me for all I can say. You picked me up from rock bottom. I know that as long as I'm friends with you I'll always have someone to go to, someone to rely on. And I'll do the exact same for you. You ignored my bumps and rough edges, unlike the rest of Hogwarts. Even though it's my own fault. You're an amazing person, Cedric. Don't ever forget that, ever.

Lots of love, Nyah.

She finished her second letter and decided to write a couple more. She had to get her feelings out.

Dear Harry Potter,

Older brother, oh how I envy your talent, your bravery, your will. You get what you want the right way, no side deals. I look up to you more than you'll ever believe. I hated you for all the right reasons, now I love you for you are my brother. Mother gave her life for us. That will always stick with me, no matter what. The way she screamed will always haunt me. The memories will. Those nights, with Voldemort and him as his younger self, Tom Riddle. We both felt it. It was as if I was living in the moment with you, in the same body as you. I gave my strength to you those nights. We'll never speak of it though. We did once and it was clarified. I haven't got much to say. You're a good person, you're going to change the wizarding world.

Love, Nyah.

Third one finished, one final letter. Draco.

Dear Draco Lucius Malfoy,

First of all, fuck you! You're such an ignorant, selfish, mindless, sarcastic, impatient, closed minded, empathy lacking, asshole! I hate you with everything I live for, but I live to love you so it seems I'm stuck in a dilemma. I want to hate you, I need to hate you but I can't. The things you've done for me and the things I've done for you. I just can't. I can't hate you. I'll always love you Draco. You were my first everything really. Kiss, love, you know, first boy I trusted other than my father. With all those terrible traits I listed I'm just like them. I'm the same as you, cold hearted, closed off, vaunerable. I love loving you, even though you think so little of me. I tried, and it wasnt enough. That is the absolute worst feeling in the world, worse than trying to live without someone you love, when you try your best and do everything you can, but it isn't enough. You feel empty inside, dead, numb. That's all I have to say. I mustn't say more.

I'll always love you, Nyah.

She put her quill down and put the letters into her pocket. One to her mother, one to Cedric, one to Harry, and one to Draco. That's all.