Don't close your eyes - Woosan

Chapter 16

Seongwha POV

I quickly clutched my head in pain as I attempted to sit up. Well, I don't feel all too pleasant to be honest. The events from when I was last conscious came flooding back to me, commencing the wave of emotions I had felt when staring Sungho straight in the eye, as he spilled the biggest secret I had kept from anyone. How was I supposed to look any of them in the eye ever again? How could I face Hongjoong?

I couldn't.

Which is why I shut my eyes and held my breath when someone walked into the room, why my heart stopped as I realised Hongjoong was the one now sat beside the bed I lay in. Just my luck.

"Seongwha, you can keep pretending to be asleep, or you can realise that I'm not going anywhere until you at least look at me." He spoke calmly, but there was an edge of something else in his voice. Guilt.

Reluctantly I opened my eyes, however they stayed focused on the extremely interesting black wall in front. "What do you want Hongjoong?" I too breathed out calmly, however I'm sure he could tell how agitated I really felt inside. "I want you to look at me. No, I really need you to look at me Seongwha." "Please. Just do this one thing.

For me."

You know what hurts even more then unrequited love. Well, it's this moment right now, I've been rejected, humiliated, but I still can't say no to him, and it hurts to know I'll never be able to.

Therefore, I turn my head towards his slowly, flicking my eyes up to meet his. I probably looked absolutely pathetic right now, messed up hair, sickly looking skin, tears flowing freely down my face. Once I began staring into his eyes I couldn't stop, I didn't want to. Cautiously Hongjoong spoke again, "I just want to know one thing, then I'll leave I promise." My head automatically nodded, still unwilling to go against him.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Before I could stop myself a sudden anger bubbled up inside. After a moments of silence words flew from my mouth, words that I have wanted to say for years, and now, I had no control over myself, nothing stopping me. It almost seemed as if Hongjoong had turned my own free will against me.

"Tell you what? That 10 years ago something happened, something that humiliated and hurt me inside out. Should I tell you how the person I loved the most in this world made me feel exactly as I did back then, hurt and humiliated. Or should I tell you that no matter what he does I will still love him, and how it makes me feel so broken."

Only the sound of my ragged breathing could be heard through the silence, that, and the sound of Hongjoong's arms carefully wrapping themselves around my broken body. All I could do was relax into them, relax completely until my head was buried in his chest. For the first time in my whole life I felt safe, I felt loved, like someone really cared. But did he? "I know I will never be able to express how sorry I am, sorry for not seeing that you were hurting, sorry for being so blind for so many years."

Just you being here is sorry enough Hongjoong. When his arms left my body it felt cold again and an involuntary shiver ran down my spine. We sat there for quite some time, staring intently, wondering when the other would back down, it didn't feel awkward, nor did it feel comfortable, eventually it became too much for my heart to handle, so my eyes flicked away, head falling down in defeat. Until, Hongjoong placed one finger under my chin, pulling my head back up so my eyes once again found his before he spoke one last sentence to me.

"I'm sorry for lying to myself when I said I didn't love you."

Then he left. Swiftly but gracefully stepping out of my reach and through the door. My heart stopped, it felt as if the air around began to suffocate me, and I was left staring after his retreating body, almost gasping for air in realisation.

He had always loved me too.