Don't close your eyes - Woosan

Chapter 30

Seongwha POV 

The room was eerily quiet after he had stopped talking to me. I was so frustrated with myself, why cant I just...remember? My eyes flutter shut slowly and I find myself desperately attempting to succumb to the darkness, to fall asleep. It was not possible, not with him still sitting just meters away, quiet breaths escaping his mouth along with the occasional shuffle as he adjusted himself in his seat. 

I didn't imagine he would leave, even after the hour was over he stayed in the same spot, and so did I. After all he must've believed I was asleep, so I couldn't just....wake up, I would probably scare the shit out of him. But I think I've already done that anyway. 

After what seemed like just minutes, although it was probably multiple hours, his breathing became much quieter, almost inaudible and the shuffling I had grown accustomed to had stopped all together. Because of this I allowed my eyes to open, slowly at first, and turned my head towards where he had been sitting. What I didn't expect to see was him hunched over the bed with his face mere centimetres away from mine. 

My breath instantly caught in my throat, and he didn't seem to be making any sort of movement to get out of this situation, although the slight widening of his eyes suggested he too was surprised at what had just occurred. I thought the room was quiet before but no, this was what silence sounded like.

I hated the silence, and hated the fact that I had nothing to say that could prevent it in any way shape or form.

However I made no attempt to back away from him as I didn't dislike this situation, and definitely didn't hate the site of this beautiful man in front of me, In fact I loved it, loved him. 

I started to speak carefully, in a whisper "This is all just so..." "Fucked up" he took the words straight out of my mouth and I subtly nodded in agreement before stopping to listen to his next words. "You don't need to remind me, I know. But tell me Seongwha" his breath tickled my face as he spoke, "tell me what is so fucked up about this situation." 

"Everything."

I half expected him to laugh at my lame description but he didn't, no, he kept his gaze fixed on mine and continued to question me. "Not everything Seongwha. I believe I was having the same thought as you before you spoke, the same thought that indeed makes this whole situation seem," he paused to breathe, shakily exhaling a long breath before continuing "just so fucking unfair. I could tell you what that thought was, but I would rather hear it from you first. Please." 

For some reason my mind temporarily shut down as I spoke without thinking, as if I had willingly given this man some sort of control over me without saying a word. "What's so fucked up about this whole situation is that it hurts me to hurt you, however no matter how hard I try there is absolutely nothing I can do to fix it, to prevent all this pain. The only thing I remember is something that just increases the hurt." 

"Which is what?"

"The fact that I love a man who I can't even remember" 

The flesh of his lip soon became caught between his teeth as he responded "say it."

The weight that felt as if it had been lifted off my shoulder through the sentence I spoke was replaced right back down again at his words, "say what?" 

"Say my name Seongwha, don't think about anything else just say it." 

"I-I..."

"Please Seongwha, just, say that you love me, not a man, me." Somewhere between my half choked sobs and his breathless sentences our foreheads now rested against each other's, "I want to say that, right now there is nothing else I want more on this earth then to say your name but, I can't, I promise I'm trying I just.."