Cut Too Deep

Cut Too Deep

There’s snow on your face, and your razor blades.

The twilight is bruised and there you lie.

And sing to me about the end of the world.

End of these hammers and needles for you.

We cry tonight but in the morning we are new

Stand in the sun, we’ll dry your eyes.

I kept replaying those lines of the song over and over again.

I loved Flyleaf they gave me hope. Gave me strength. Gave me knowledge

In knowing that this life will soon be over with, done, and I can be free. Free like

The caged bird, Maya Angelou wrote about. “Arise.” That song title, has so much

Meaning and value behind it you don’t understand. NO one will every understand.

“End of these hammers and needles for you.” I replayed that part over and over with each repeat raising the volume and silent tears following down my cheek. I closed my eyes and drifted away into some place better than this.

A place where everything was perfect.

I’m Ellen. Better known as freak or, that emo girl.

Pfft if only they knew. If only they knew how much that hurt. They should kill whoever came up with the saying “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words may never hurt me.” Yeah right. I wish that was true.

All I wanted was to be normal, instead I wasn’t and everyone made sure I knew

All I wanted was to be cool, instead I was a loner.

All I wanted were friends to talk to, but even the ones I do have think I’m weird.

All I wanted was a understanding family, instead I got a dead beat dad and an alcoholic mom. Yeepie!

All I wanted was to fit in and be like everybody else but at the same time myself

All I wanted was a new life for Ellen. A new life for me.

I was so in my zone that I had no idea what time it was.

Suddenly I heard pounding and screams on my room door.

“Ellen get your worthless piece of shit self up and go to the store I’m out.” That thing I call mom said.

I sighed. Usually “I’m out” meant out of alcohol.

I rolled over off my bed dragging with each step and grabbed my coat.

Once I reached the bottom of the stairs I grabbed the money off of the table and reached for my mom’s keys.

“Uh uh uhhh what do you think you’re doing with those?” My older sister Natalie asked.

Natalie was the golden child. Perfect grades, perfect life, and perfect hair -____-. My mom and even my dad, who is hardly around, adore her to the point were I’m invisible. It’s sickening.

“What are you talking about Nat.” I say.

“You’re not driving. Walk there.” She says with an evil look in her face.

Any chance she gets to torture me she will.

“NO way its almost 30 degrees outside.”
“What’s all the noise about?” My mother screamed stomping into the kitchen where we were.

“Mom, Ellen won’t listen to me! Tell her she has to walk.” My sister pouts.

That bit\ch.

My mother turned towards me and slowly but surely made her way to where I was standing.

Her body odor was horrible. Her breath smelled like someone took a dump in there. I

I scrunch up my nose.
“The hell you looking at hand the keys over and walk.”

“Are you serious?” I screech my eyes getting big.

“What do you think doofus!” she says smacking me against the head and taking the keys.

I lost. No surprise.

I heave a sigh and rub the place where I was hit.

I find my scarf and walk outside. The cold air filling my body with sharp, icy pains

Each time I took a breath.

I walked and walked and finally reached the liquor store. I hated this place.

It was always full of drunks (no duh) and pervs. I make my way through

The front door and make my way to the back of the store. I’m standing behind the glass door deciding what to get my mother when I hearing grunting noises.

Out of the corner of my eye I see a man standing beside me trying to get my attention.

“How you doin sweety.” He said with a sly smile on his face.

Eww.

I just continue grabbing the beer and vodka and make my way to the counter.

“Come back here I’m talking to you!” He says after me.

Not anymore. I think to myself.

I place the alcohol on the counter and wait for the clerk to ring me up.

Now the creeper’s at my side.

“So how old are you?”

Think Ellen… Aha.

“Ahh sorry me no speaky English.” I say with a fake accent.

“Ohh I like a woman who can speak dirty to me.. Epically in a different language.” He slurs.

I plaster a tight smile and turn to the cashier.

“That’ll be 25.98” he said.

I hand him the cash and make a run for it.

But the man is high on my heels.

“Baby I’m loving this view!” he says. He just won’t give up.

I feel around in my pockets for some kind of weapon when I find pepper spray.

Score.

I turn around and spray him

“Ahh ahh.. stop .. you freak!” he yells.

I turn around and run as fast as I can back to my house.

Once I get there the door is locked and the car is out of the drive way.

“No, no please no.” I whisper to myself.