Cut Too Deep

Cut Too Deep[part35]

Somewhere deep within myself I found the courage to finally take the drugs. It was great. I will never forget this night. I got back at Missy, I was invited to a Senior party even though im a junior! Me and Peter are closer and I tried drugs. Okay im not so proud of the last part but it helped me become closer friends with some people.

6 Months Later

After that night my life has never been the same. I loved the rush and feeling I got once the drugs finally set in. It made me feel like I was somewhere else than here and I just needed more I had to have more. It was weird because that following Sunday I saw Yael, Fiona, Damien and Sam at Church. Perfect little ponytails, and teeth. Surprisingly Fiona was back to that unattractive look she had when I first met her. They acted as though nothing has happened and carried on like they were saints. I knew there dirty secrets, and they grew to know mine over the course of six months. It was as though we were bound to this unsaid agreement. You tell my secrets, I tell yours. Don’t tell mine then I wont tell yours. It was kind of one of those things, where it was just  understood. Once school opened bright and early Monday morning, I noticed that Missy was not her usually self. She had died her Barbie beach blonde hair to a nasty grunge black, and cut it up to her ears in a bob. Her makeup was nothing but blacks and dark purples and blues. Magically, her skin turned from this tanned orange, to pale white. Her eyes once bright and vibrant were now dark and empty. In a way she reminded me of myself. It wasn’t long after the party when she feel in the social ladder. She went from Superior, to popular, to important, to try hard, to just not giving a shit anymore. And neither did anyone else. Word spread like wild fire what happened at the party and once school began everyone teased her for it. She deserved it. Karma’s a bitch. All her little minions dropped her and she lost most of her friends, oddly retiring to my old friends. Or should I say friend/ex- boyfriend. Over the summer going into Senior year some how me and Justin started to talk again. I don’t remember what sparked it up but we came to an understanding and apologized. I think we are slowly rebuilding our friendship, but I don’t want Missy getting in the way of what might happen. Actually me and Justin are pretty much back to old times sake. Hanging out and laughing together, but just not in school, I cant be seen with a freak. That would ruin my reputation but outside of school we can have as much fun as we want. I have found enough trust in Justin to tell him about the drugs and what happened that night and how from then on I cant stop. He has tried taking me to AAA but it never works.. It was quite sad at times I missed him more than anything but my emptiness and sadness was replaced by something much better. Lately everything in my life has changed. Me, Yael and her crew have become much closer. Unfortunately I outgrew hanging around Sarah, Tasha, Zella and my sister. I mean when we see each other in the halls we say hello or smile. Or if we happen to end up together in a group for something we can pick up conversation like we were best buddies, but other than that neither of us went out of our way to talk to each other. Just let fate take its toll. As for my mother and father things have gotten out of hand. My mom went total ape shiz on me once I got home from the party, about her car. Plus she could smell the weed on me. I didn’t care I was so high, I wouldn’t care if she slapped me just then. We have gotten I a lot of fights lately, and I have been sneaking out to go have sex with Peter. Oh I didn’t tell you? Well I finally let him hit it about a month ago. And ever since then he cant get enough. But beyond my wildest dreams I had become a very popular girl in school. Everyone loved me. Only if they knew what really went on behind closed doors. I was addicted. I always needed something. I didn’t care I just wanted to feel that feeling of my heart beating extra fast and sweat caking at the naps of my hair. In last six months I have tried any type of drug you can think of. Yael thinks I need to slow down but she can go suck one. I don’t care what anyone says. I NEED it. I thrive off of it. Im afraid if I don’t stop soon then I might end up making a mistake in leaving it out in my room. My life was perfect. All up to a week ago, my life came crashing down on in.