Cut Too Deep

Cut Too Deep [contin. of part 1]

I bang harder and harder. Still no response.

They probably left to go out to eat knowing there was nothing in the fridge for me. I walk around the back of the house, leaves crunching at my feet. Luckily the tool shed is open

So I grab a ladder and climb to my window. I never leave it closed.

I pop it open and climb in. The warmth filling my body. I hadn’t reazlied how cold I was

Until I could feel the blood flowing, making it feel like 1000 needles were pricking me.

I unraveled myself, stripping only to me tee and short shorts. I blasted the heat and popped in my ipod. I put it on shuffle and it landed on Careful, by Paramore.

I waltzed over to my laptop at my desk and turned it on. The only reason I have this thing is cause I paid for it myself. Most things I have I pay for myself. I work at a local T-Shirt shop which only pays 10 an hour. Which is pretty good for a 16 year old, in Caliborne.

Caliborne is a small town. Filled with smalled minded people. Usually the kids you go to Preschool with are the kids your going to end up working with, and marrying. Everybody knew everyone and word travels fast. Just like in 3rd grade when my mom found out my dad cheated with our neighbor, Mrs. Annie. Everybody knew, and I got teased for it.

“Haha Ellen’s daddy is a cheater. Her momma don’t know how to satisfy a man.” People would taunt.

I shiver.

“Brriiinggg. Hello Ellen.” My computer spoke. She was my only true friend. All my most inner thoughts and feelings were saved on her. I could always rely on her to make me happy and cheer me up when I’m feeling down. I type into the browser

“yahoo.com”

I pull up my email.

"Cool 7 new emails."

I open the first 3 it was just spam.

But when I reached the 4th one, something was not right.

"Hey Ellen, you are so cool and awesome. I mean I don’t know why we aren’t friends

I love the way you do your makeup and the way you dress. Its super hot.

-Love Missy."

Oh Gosh.

Missy. She was the "popular" in school. She always sent these to me

to make me feel bad about myself.

I opened the next one.

It was from Peter, my crush. He was also popular but he was super sweet.

"Uh, yeah Ellen. I need you to stop staring at me so

much. it’s annoying. plus your ugly."

My heart sank.

I immediatley closed my laptop and flopped onto my bed.

I sighed. This is what I had to put up with.

Unfortunate for me tomorrow was Monday.

I closed my eyes to stop the silent tears from slipping over.

I remember when I learned how to cry without making any noise.

It didn’t take me long to master since I cried so much.

Especially that day. I try and push the horrific memory to the back of

my mind and focus on my music.

“I wanna be there for you

someone you can come to

runs deeper than my bones

I wanna be there for you

I wanna be there for you"

I woke up to the song There For you, by Flyleaf.

I quickly turn it off. It makes me sad because I know

no one is here for me.

I get out of bed and make my way to the bathroom.

The white walls were stained with these nasty brown spots.

And it was dirty and disgusting.

It was Natalie’s turned to clean it but did she. No.

I turn to the pink shower, the only thing I like about this place.

I and the shower have a lot of memories.

I've cried, slept, ate, hid... even cut inside that tub.

But I don’t do that anymore. Cut I mean.

I turn the shower on full blast, hot and look in the mirror.

"Whoa" I looked a mess.

My fiery red hair a tangled mess. My hazel green eyes, bloodshot.

I hopped in the shower and lathered by body with soap while rinsing my hair.

It felt so good to be clean. After a good 5 minutes I withdrew from the shower and

Put on my clothes. I decided to wear my black hoodies and gray skinny jeans

With my old tattered vans. I put a lot of eyeliner around my eyes and some

Chapstick on my lips. I through on black eyeshadow and I was down.

I went downstairs to get breakfast but when I opened the fridge it was empty.

I looked for my mom’s stash of money so I can buy food.

“Yes” I say once I find the jar. I grab a few bucks and make a run for it before

Natalie or my mom wake up. I step outside, the chilling weather make my face

Turn bright red, and walk to my bus stop.

I sat on the bench and waited.

“Please, if there is a God, do not let Missy show up.” I whisper.

Im not very religious, never have been, I don’t think I ever will be. I’ve

Prayed to “God” so many times, and nothing has changed. So I simple do not believe he is real. He has never pulled through for me like people say. And of course Missy comes clomping down the street in her ugly powder yellow pumps. How she hasn’t caught pneumonia I don’t know. But what she has on today is ridiculous. Mini skirt, Tight crop t shirt, and those ugly pumps.