Cut Too Deep

Cut Too Deep [part 6]

END OF THE DAY
______________
I accomplished alot today.
Justin is mine now.
I have a few friends, and even got invited to a party on Friday.
This whole confidence thing is pretty cool.
I was walking home from the bus when that same lunatic i sprayed
pepper spray from the liquor store, was following me.
I seriously needed a car.
"What do you want?" i say in a rushed voice.
"You." he says with that same look in his eyes.
I start to walk faster but he wouldnt stop following me.
"Please go away!" i make a run for it and take a short cut through a alley.

All my confidence quickly turned into fear.
I out ran him and made it to my house bfore he could catch up.
I knock on the door.
No response.
I look in the driveway and mom's car is still here.
Wait a second. I see another car.
That car, it was so familiar.
Who could that be..
Its not a special holiday so no realitives.
I thought.
I knocked a few more times, anxious to know who was here.
"One second!" a voice shouted.
That voice was so well known to me. So memoriable.
I braced myself, when i heard footsteps come closer.
The door creaked, as it opened.
"Hello Ellen."

Oh my gosh.
It was my Dad.
I coughed. not really knowing what to say.
"Are you alright? Do you need some water?" he asks pulling
me into the house from the cold.
"Get off of me." i say snatching away from his grip.
He looks surprised.
"Now that is no way to treat your father."
"you are not my dad. Your just an irresponsible, bad excuse for a dad." i practicaully spit.
"How dare you?" he says.
"How dare I? How dare I? Really Vic you want to play this game with me." i say my voice rising.
"How dare I? How dare YOU leaving me and mom and Natalie, to fend for ourselves. How dare you turn mom into a alcoholic. How dare you
steal my innoncence knowing i was only a child." i rage.
He just stood there. Aloof.
"Douch­e Bag." i spit.
"Hey now watch your mouth."

"YOU have no right in telling me what to do. I can say whatever i want.
You never been around to tell me what to do and your sure as hell, not about to start." i say.
I cant believe this. Who does he think he is.
"Linda!" He yells for my mother.
"come in here we need a word with our daughter" he says.
"OUR DAUGHTER! OH HELL NO! Thats where i draw the line. You are not my
dad. You are not my father. You are a monster. and i am not your daughter."
"Ellen, Sherii Dodson. you apologize right now!" he yells.
"Heeelllll noooo." i slur out. "And my last name is not Dodson. Its Henderson. Mom's last name. I dont want anything to do with you." i say.
"ELLEN!" my mom screeches.
She came in on my last sentence.

"how dare you speak to you father like that!?" she says wide eyed.
Oh no no. i cant take this. too many bad memories start to creep
up but this time i cant push them down. This time they over take me.
"Mom." i beg.
"No. Apologize."
i scoff.
"Fine. Im sorry you've done nothing but ruin my life. Im sorry youve made me
not trust anyone. Im sorry im such a horrible person. Im sorry
that you cant except the fact that you will never be apart of this family again.
yes i apologize." i say.
"Room now!" he says.
"You have no right!" i yell back.
"Yes he does." my mother seethes, looking at her toes.
"What?!"
i was confused.
"Me and your father are getting back together."
My life slowly starts to unravel. I become woozie and lean up against the wall for support.
"No." i half whisper.
"yes. and from now on your going to treat him with respect." my mom says

"This is a joke."
"I swear to it isnt." They were serious. he was staying. He was actually staying.
"Mom you dont know what he did to me!" i say.
My dad's eyes grow big and he trys to hush me.
"MOM! please." i start to cry.
Those urges i use to have started flowing back.
Those urges to cut.
"He he.." i tried but i was cut off.
"Your just making stuff up to keep him away." she says.
"Im not i promise!" i yell snot dripping down my nose.
I couldnt take this. it was like someone just slapped me in the face.
I run up to the top of the stairs and stand over the balcony. I say one last thing.
"Well fuc­k me twice and flip me over. Aint this dandy. We one big happy famliy again." i say in a fake country accent.
"We all gone have sh­it loads of fun."

"WATCH IT ELLEN. I HAVE HEARD ENOUGH FROM YOU." my mom says outraged.
"man whatever." i flicked them off and shut my door.
My mind is racing. and my body cant keep up.
I fall to the ground crying so hard my throat hurts.