Her Silent Cries

Chapter 43

Jays Pov
Everything starts moving in slow motion as Nonie drops to the ground he shot her.
Thabo:Jay bring Octavia here take Nonie to the hospital
I look around and see guests running out I turn to Lubonke and stare at his lifeless body as my boys continue beating him up
Me:Thabo shoot him
Everything is still moving in slow motion as I rush to Nonies side and pick her up
Me:Bring the car around!!
We place her inside the backseat and rush to the hospital at this point my mind is just everywhere I don't even know where my kids are my main concern right now is Nonie
We get to the hospital and I pick her up rushing inside
Me:I need a Doctor!!!!!
Nurse:(Bringing a stretcher)She's losing a lot of blood we have to move her hurry!!
I stand there watching as they take her away again.Why does this keep happening I failed to protect her once more she's in here because of me again!!I should've just taken care of Lubonke when I had the chance
After an hour her family started arriving including joy actually everyone was here
Thabo:Any updates
Me:No I've been sitting here for 2 hours now
Doctor:Family of Nonie
We all stand up and stare at him
Me:Doctor how is she doing
Doctor:(looks down)I'm afraid to say she didn't make it.
My world stopped I couldn't breathe
Me:Wait what she didn't make it
Doctor:I'm sorry
Me:Don't fuck with me she's been through far worse !!!!and survived so she can't be dead (Grabbing the doctor roughly)You said you would do everything to save her go do something!!!
Thabo:Jay mahn calm down
Me:Don't tell me to fucking calm down
I walk out of the hospital and get inside my car and I instantly break down it can't be I lost her.
I lost the woman I was gonna marry I lost the mother of my kids
Me:Fuck!!!!!(Crying)
What am I gonna tell the kids actually no I don't have to tell them anything because she's alive yes Nonie is alive..she's alive
I get out of the car and run back inside the hospital
Me:Is she awake yet?
Thabo:Jay you heard the doctor
Me:I know but she'll be fine right lemme go see her I'll be back
Thabo:Jay stop it man she's gone
Jay:(Smiling)She said she will never leave me she's not gone bro
Nonies Mom:His losing his mind take him home Thabo
Me:No Ma(Laughing)You guys are the crazy ones Nonie is alive
Thabo:Let's go Man
Me:Thabo let me go see my wife what's wrong
Thabo:Okay lets go get her something to eat then
Me:(Smiling) okay lets go
Thabos Pov
We get inside the car and Jay looks far from normal his lost it honestly he still thinks Nonie is alive his broken and his indenial the moment the doctor pronounced her dead I knew he would take it hard but I didn't think he would lose him mind damn
I drive him to his house I can't take him back to Nonies house.I stop the car and look at him
Thabo:Bro come lets go
Jay:I thought we going to get Nonie something to eat
Thabo:Yea sure follow me
He unlocks his door and heads towards the kitchen
Thabo:What are you doing?
Jay:Making her something to eat
Thabo:Dammit!!!Jay fuck man she's gone okay Nonie is gone she's dead and you have to get yourself together for the sake of the kids she's dead !!! Okay she's gone ...
Jays Pov
The minute he said she's gone it's like I snapped out of my trance and broke down
Thabo:I'm sorry I know you loved her and she loved you just as much I'm sorry jay
Jay:(Crying)We were supposed to get married Thabo(sobbing) please get out lock the door on your way out I need space
Thabo:Call if you need me
He walks out and I start smashing stuff I can't believe she's gone I was supposed to protect her and now she's gone !!!
********************************************
It's been two days since Nonies funeral and I'm still in the same state I was when I found out she's dead Im on crack now I've tried everything to forget but I can't.Nonies mom is keeping the kids until I'm better but I don't think I'll ever be okay I'm watching tv with a bottle of whiskey in my hand when I hear a knock on the door
Me:...
Whoever was knocking just barged in
Thabo:Fuck man jay..You get high on your own supply now huh?
Me:Leave me alone
Thabo:Not when you like this
Me:I said leave me the fuck alone Thabo!!(Throwing the bottle towards him)
He ducks it and comes closer looking at me
Thabo:Do you think this is what she would've wanted?..for you to turn into an addict give her kids away huh?
Me:I didn't give them away
Thabo:Then what did you do jay huh? Where are they I don't see Octavia or Xavier around here I don't even remember you embracing them because they've also lost a mother I don't remember you calling to check up on them you failed Nonie while she was still alive and you wanna fail her when she's dead too
Me:..(Crying)You don't understand I loved her Thabo actually I love her
Thabo:If you love her as much as you say you do then fix your fucking self she's no more but she left you with a lot of memories cherish those fix yourself bro your kids need you Nonie must be turning in her grave seeing you've abandoned her kids and you've become a crackhead.Jay we need you the business needs you enemies are moving into our territories because they've heard around the block that the almighty kingpin has fallen fix yourself bro Ive booked you into a luxurious rehab center you should be out after two weeks and after those two weeks you go fetch your fucking kids and be a father they just lost their mother they can't lose you too and once that is done you gotta come back because these mfs think they are taking over
Jay:(faking a smile)Thanks Thabo and can you drive me there tomorrow
Thabo:Of course I'm the one that booked you into that place(chuckling) I gotta go I'll see you tomorrow clean this mess up
Jay:Okay thanks again
He walks out and I head upstairs and stare at the mirror I don't recognize the person I've become it's been awhile since I've seen myself and I'm disgusted by what I'm looking at right now I run myself a bath after taking a bath I call up my barber because I look like a hobo right now
He arrives after 20 minutes and gets to work after his done I finally feel like my old self again I head downstairs and throw away all the bottles and flush the cocaine once that is done and my place is clean I sit down and make a phone call
Phone call**********
???:Hello
Me:Hey Ma how are you
Nonies Mom:Oh Jay finally I'm coping  how are you
Me:I'm barely coping how are the kids
Nonies Mom:Xavier is not okay at all he needs his dad and Octavia I mean his just a baby but here and there he cries uncontrollably I think he senses that his mom is no more
Me:I'm working on myself please keep them for two more weeks okay
Nonies Mom:Okay Jay
Me:Can I speak to Xavier
Nonies mom:Sure(Yelling Xaviers name) somebody wants to talk to you here
Xavier:Hello
Me:Hey Bunny
Xavier:Hey daddy I miss you so much why have you abandoned us we already lost mommy we can't lose you too
Me:I haven't I'm working on myself okay I'll fetch you guys soon then we can start a new life okay
Xavier:Okay daddy bye
End of phone call*****
I head upstairs and just close my eyes dreaming about her again..