Her Silent Cries

Chapter 27

To be honest after what happened between me and Jay I was certain that I was single and I was looking forward to making sethu my distraction not a rebound distraction.I take a quick shower and get dressed in my yellow cycling shorts a simple thrifter tee and my Dr Martin boots I call up one of my trusted friends I mean I love that human being to pieces although she's crazy asf I'm pretty sure I can trust her with Xavier
Phone call******
Me:Mrs vision
Her:Aww Jay Z!!!
(Mrs vision is my primary friend joy btw)
Me:(Laughing)Please come watch Xavier for me tuu I have to go somewhere I'll be back before you know it
Her:I've been waiting to meet this blue eyed baby give me 15mins I'll be there
Me:Sho Vision
I end the phone call and go up to Xaviers room I'm sure his still sleeping I open the door and his standing by the balcony looking at the sky
Me:Xavier baby are you okay
He turns around and his eyes are puffy it looks like his been crying I rush to his side and embrace him in a hug
Me:What's wrong baby
Him:I miss my mommy
Me:Ohh baby I'm sorry okay just know that she loved you and she still does even though she's in heaven
Xavier:Atleast god gave me you
I smiled and gave him a big hug after our comforting session I ran him a bath and dressed him up in a stripy tee with a denim jumpsuit and all stars then did his hair simple Travis Scott style.Man my baby was flames those primary girls ain't ready I take a few snaps of him and post them on my gram and as I guessed my fans love him and paparazzi can't wait to catch him outside with me.The doorbell rings and I walk downstairs carrying Xavier in my arms Joy budges in as if it's her house and of course this loud mf will scream
Joy:Familie!!!!
Me:(Rolling my eyes)Yaz I missed you but now
She comes and removes Xavier from my arms putting him down she stares at Xavier and starts asking him questions
Joy:Blue eyes yaz I don't like talking English because it's not my mother tongue so you must learn zulu because wow
Xavier grabs on to my leg creeped out by joys big ass eyes
Me:Awume uyabora shem yaz(Wait man you so annoying)
Joy:Uyaphi(Where you going)
I smile and kiss her cheek and on my way out I shout "I'll tell you when I get back"
I step into my Bentley and drive off to my dads place first.I arrive and it's still the same the place hasn't changed much and the atmosphere in that household is still heavy I get out my car and open the kitchen door I find her cooking and I roll my eyes ugh this human hasn't died yet.I fake a smile and give her a side hug and make my way out the kitchen avoiding any conversation.I greet my dad and he seems very excited to see me meanwhile I can't wait to leave this place he starts asking me questions about my life marriage kids ugh as if he cares he goes on and on and stops talking and stares at me
Me:Uhm
My dad:I know I haven't been the best father figure ever and I know I've broken your trust way too many times you probably hate me but in the end blood is thicker than water I will never forsake you  I love you so much Nonie don't you ever forget that and I would really appreciate it if we could start working on our relationship
I look at him in defeat I mean don't get me wrong I love this guy but he just broke me and I'm not ready to fix things with him atleast not now.After our deep talk I head out to go meet up with Sethu at Botanical gardens I arrive there late as usual and I spot him sitting at the corner table
Me:hey...
He looks up and his face brightens up as he stands up to give me a hug
Me:So wassup
Him:I just missed you that's all and you got a new boy?
Me:Boy?
Him:Your baby boy Xavier Smith?
Me:Oh yea my baby
Him:But your surname ain't smith so
Me:Phuma lapho(Leave that topic alone)how's life
Him:Bad my ex wife screwed me over and took everything
Me:Well that's sad
Him:Yea she just reminded me that your first love will always be your true love
Me:Hayii well(My phone rings)Excuse me I have to take this
Phone call*******
Me:Don't worry I haven't done anything
Jay:Uhm can we meet up today please
Me:Ayt where?
Jay:I'll come over I miss my son
I just hang up cutting him off as he was talking and walk back to the table
Me:Sethu I ain't tryna get back with you.You are my past for a reason the woman I am now doesn't want you so I hope you know where you stand in my life and don't ever try to fucking pull those stunts again,now would you kindly excuse me I got a doctors appointment
I stand up and walk out leaving him speechless and I'm too tired so I call up my doctor and ask him to come to my house with his equipment.I arrive home and I find Jay sitting on the couch watching soccer
Me:Where's joy
Him:I sent her home and Xavier is getting snacks from the kitchen
I just nod and walk upstairs to change into a oversized tee and my silk gown the doorbell rings and it's my doctor I direct him to the spare room and he sets up his machinery when his all done I lay on the bed with jay staring at the screen as we about to do an ultrasound God I hope I'm not pregnant
He puts on that cold gel and starts moving the monitor around my belly after a while I see a smile appear on his face
Doctor:Congratulations you are pregnant
Me:Is it too late for an abortion
Jay:Thank you doctor we'll see you next month for our appointment
Me:What(he cuts me off)
Jay:Let me walk you out doc
He walks out the doctor and comes back upstairs with eyes full of rage
Me:Yini wena(Whats wrong with you)
Jay:Why do you wanna abort my baby huh?
Me:Because I'm not ready(He cuts me off)
Jay:STFU!!!Sit your ass down and listen to me
I sit down because I've never seen him this angry
Jay:Listen here okay I'm not gonna let this opportunity of being a father slip again okay because Nonie I had a child but she was a stillborn do you know the pain of not hearing your baby cry huh? I was so excited to be a father but she was taken away from me just like that after that things weren't the same anymore and me and her mom went our separate ways so you crazy if you think I'm gonna let this opportunity slip right through my hands I never got the opportunity to see her first steps do you know how painful that is I held a cold baby in that hospital she was so still you would swear she was sleeping(At this point he had glasses in his eyes)I NEVER GOT TO FEEL WHAT OTHER PARENTS FELT WHEN THEY DROPPED THEIR KIDS OFF FOR THEIR FIRST DAY AT SCHOOL and you wanna take that away from me again are you crazy?
Me:I'm sorry Jay I didn't look at it in that way I'm so sorry I had no idea how badly you wanted this baby
Jay:Just stay healthy and give birth to a healthy baby okay
Me:I will but what does this mean for us is it over
Jay:(Chuckles)Nah you my wife I'm just giving you space right now
Me:Oh okay
Jay:But it's over since you seeing niggahs behind my back ....