Her Silent Cries

Chapter 15

I woke up on the sofa and everyone was staring at me the tension in the room was so thick that you could cut  it with a scissor I sat up straight avoiding eye contact with everyone when the questions started rolling in I'm surprised to see my father pitch meaning he came all the way from benoni here to kempton park because of me I couldn't talk it's was like I went mute they asked me if I wanted to see someone do I want to go to the hospital but all I could do was look at them I felt dead inside I was a dead girl walking I didn't talk to anybody besides people on my app I would isolate myself I stopped going to church I was just dead.My sister couldn't take it anymore so her and her husband decided that next year I would be moving back to springs and I guess I had no say but I did need the fresh air so I packed my bags and 2019 it was new beginnings and new school.I chose to stay with my dad he still was my favorite person in the entire world plus my mom and sister would always gang up on me so I resided with my dad which probably wasn't the wisest decision ever considering the circumstances we were living under when my dad brought a new wife home..The first few weeks were paradise she was still trying to impress us so we would wake up to breakfast,Afternoon it was lunch and then supper.I adored her from all the woman my father had been with since his divorce with my mom I thought that she was the one but I was wrong as time went by her behavior changed she set a lot of rules about stupid stuff like how  you have to ask to take something from the fridge imagine asking for ice-cream the food in the house became less she cut down on a lot of stuff she made sure that we don't get nice stuff around the house it was just the necessity's while her children got everything they wanted from then on I saw her true colours and that was the beginning of my downfall I developed a major attitude towards her I hated her guts and I hated the fact that my dad would always choose her over me.My dad has always been an emotional abuser and the stuff he would say broke me.It was worse than the pain of a breakup and worse than the pain of losing your loved one I watched my dad turn into a stranger as the days passed.I watched my dad sacrifice his kids for the sake of love I would spend sleepless nights crying myself to sleep because his words cut so deep.I wasn't fine and I was way past being a normal girl.Falling inlove became difficult because I lacked what I needed the most which was my dads love he made me feel useless and he made me pray that god takes my life.I promised myself that I would bring no harm to myself anymore so I would spend all my nights pleading god to take my life.I totally shut down my eyes screamed help but I guess everyone was too obnoxious to even notice.I couldn't open up to anyone I was constantly battling my demons lord knows how much I wanted to end it all but I always keep my promises and I promised not to hurt myself.The situation became worse it went to going to school without lunch money and coming back home to no food.I would starve and have countless headaches due to overthinking.I dropped in my school work due to fatigue and hunger I couldn't focus and I couldn't get help it's safe to say that I was depressed whenever people came  around we would have to play happy family to potray a good image to the outside world but as soon as they left it was back to that hell hole going home was something I wouldn't look forward to I would spend most of my days at my bestfriends house Kay or Vuyelwa.He killed me inside he killed the happy girl inside me he made me have trust issues because of him i found it very hard to trust people he forced me to build a wall around my heart he turned me into stone as the months went by I couldn't take it anymore and my relationship with my mom and sister had become better.I opened up to them and we came to a decision that I would stay with my mom and we would figure out the rest later I was finally out of that house I was finally free...To me my dad was dead I stopped answering his calls stopped visiting I just stopped trying and it's funny because they say you don't know what you have until you lose it but he didn't see his loss and he chose her over me.