Our Delayed Dreams (Dream Series #1)

Prologue

"You're such a big disappointment, Larae. We're transferring you to law school sa ayaw at sa gusto mo."

All my dreams are going down the drain now. Ano pa bang susunod?

Fuck this life, ayaw kong maging abogado, kamukha ng mga magulang ko. No way!

Kila, I'm going to reach for my dreams. I'm sorry if I'm leaving you this sudden. I want to be able to reach them before I plan my future with you. You know that being a pilot was my long life dream, and because of that, I'm leaving. Three years with you was not enough to say how much I love you. Continue dreaming, Doctor. I love you so much.
~ Axel

Mas lalo lang akong nasasaktan sa tuwing binabasa ko 'tong sulat na 'to. Bakit hindi ko pa ba 'to tinatapon? Wala na rin naman siya, wala ng saysay kung babalikan at babalikan ko lang lahat ng ala-ala niya. Hindi naman maibabalik ng pagbabasa ko ng huli niyang sulat lahat ng nawala sa 'kin noong lumisan siya.

He left for his dreams, but what about mine? Paano naman ang sa 'kin? I delayed my damn dreams for him. Look what I got in return? Pain.

I failed this sem and I can't proceed with my first year of med school.

He promised to stay, he promised to always be there with every milestones I hit. But look where are we now. I don't even know when was the last time we spoke. When was the last time we saw each other. Ang buong akala ko hindi niya 'ko iiwan. Pero buong akala ko lang pala 'yon.

What pains me more was when he left me with only a single damn note saying he's leaving me after all these damn years!? Anong expect niya? Okay lang? I cried my eyes out, hurt. I was expecting him to say I'm sorry more than once.

I was expecting him to assure me he's going to come back after he reached his dreams, but no, walang ganoon sa sulat niya.

I failed this sem, I lost weight, I failed my quizzes and projects. Pre med was tough for me. Pero mas naging mahirap 'yon ng sabayan ng paglisan ni Axel. Tatlong taon, tatlong taon 'yon tapos mawawala lang sa isang iglap para sa pangarap niya.

Ang pinangako niya aabutin namin ang mga pangarap namin ng sabay. Hindi namin iiwan ang isa't isa. Sabay daw pero lumisan siya, scam siya.

Ilang araw na 'kong hindi kumakain, iniisip kung ano ng susunod na gagawin ko ngayong wala na ang taong parating sinasabihan akong magiging doctor din ako balang araw. Paano na 'ko ngayon?

Parehong abogado ang mga magulang ko. I was even surprised when they allowed me to take med school. They never dreamt of having a child that has interests in medicine. They wanted a child that wants law. I guess they got that with my brother.

Tinatanong ko ang sarili ko, 'hindi pa ba 'ko pagod?' Kasi grabe na lahat. Lahat ng pinagdadaanan ko ngayon.

Ilang araw na ang lumipas simula ng sabihin nilang ililipat nila ako ng law school dahil sa bagsak na sem ko.

I beg them every day, trying to change their minds. I cry in front of them telling them I'll do better. But who am I kidding? How can I do better when this pain in my heart hasn't faded yet?

Paano ako tutuloy? Kung ang isip ko mismo pagod na. I can't pay for my own tuition. I don't even know if I'm mentally stable to be able to continue studying.

'Yang pagalis niya sobrang laking impact sa 'kin. When he left only leaving a note, I payed more attention questioning myself kung ano bang kulang ko?

Kung ano bang wala ako? Para lang hindi siya umalis. Was I not enough to make him stay? I spent so much time questioning myself, I forgot to eat, study and submit all my deadlines.