pAroDy sToRiEs fiLled wIth nOnsEnse

School is a bootiful candy store

*Don't mind the changes in lyrics

September 1, 1989

Dear Diary, I believe I am a good person. Actually I believe there's good in everyone, but here we are! First day of senior year! And I look at these kids I've known my whole life and ask myself, what the heck just happened?

Vivi Sawyer (totally not me) wrote in her diary in the corner with all the kids insulting each other like, "Freak, trash, loser, ugly and etc." Like what happened. She reminisced the days when they were tiny and shiny playing tag. She walked through the halls while remembering her childhood. It was basically comparable to the Huns invading Rome.

'Don't worry, one year left until college.' Vivi thought to motivate herself. 'It's gonna be paradise, unless I'm dead by June'

Vivi believed that this school can still be beautiful, despite what was going on. She had just tried to help a dude who fell down but was insulted as a nerd. 

And now the bell rang and it was lunch time. She fell in line while the students continuously insulted each other. Why can't they just get along? Hopefully her letter comes from Harvard, Duke or Brown. That would be nice. She bumped into someone while being too deep in thought. Unluckily for her it was Logan aka jock dude who is a huge pain in the neck. He smacked her tray off her hands.

"Oops, what did you say to me-"

"Aaah nothing-"

She grabbed a new lunch tray, sick and tired of these people. We were kind before, can't we be kind once more? Now her best friend since diapers, Sun approached her.

"Hey Sun!"

"We on for movie night?"

"Yeah, you're on Jiffy Pop detail."

"I rented the Princess Bride!"

"Again? Don't you have it memorized by now?" 

"Yeah, I'm a sucker for a happy ending."

Out of nowhere, this JERK knocks off Sun's tray. His name was Chad and he is very close to Logan.

"OI PICK THAT UP" yelled Vivi

"Sorry are you actually talking to me?"

"Yes, why the hell would you pick on my best friend future gas station attendant?"

Silence...

"You have a zit right there."

God it was a NIGHTMARE! She just wanted to have lunch and this happens? MIND YOUR OWN DARN BUSINESS- 

The door to the cafeteria literally shined- It was the Heathers, but they like to call themselves by different names. They float above this school system. Sunny McNamara was the head cheerleader, her dad is loaded! He sells engagement rings. Susan Duke runs the yearbook, she has no discernible personality whatsoever, but there are rumors that she- Yeah no.

Finally, Sweet Chandler, the leader. She is a mythic person.

Kids started chatting while Vivi and Sun just ate lunch together. The Heathers were that popular. Most people admired them, but some really hate them.

The bell rings. Vivi walked to the bathroom, but was greeted by Mrs Kirby scolding the Heathers. 

"Ah, Sweet and Sunny... "

puke

"And Susan. Perhaps you didn't hear the bell over all the vomiting, you're late for class."

"But Susan isn't feeling well! We're helping her!" reasoned Sweet.

Vivi walked in. Finally a chance to shine!

"Actually Mrs Kirby, all four of us are out on a hall pass. Yearbook committee" She hands a slip to Mrs Kirby.

"I see you're all listed.. Hurry up and get where you're going!" Mrs Kirby left right away.

"This is an excellent forgery! Who are you?" asked Sweet.

"I'm Vivi Sawyer! I crave a boon!"

"What boon?"

"I just wanna sit at your table at lunch, no talking necessary. I just wanna let people know you tolerate me." Vivi asked anxiously. The Heathers laugh.

"Before you answer I also do report cards, permission slips and absence notes!"

"How about prescriptions-"

"Shut up Susan" cut off Sweet

"Sorry Sweet."

"For a greasy little nobody, you have really good bone structure."

"And a symmetrical face. If took a meat cleaver down the center of your skull, I'd have matching halves, that's very important!" exclaimed Sunny. Vivi got concerned by that.

"Maybe you could lose a few pounds." stated Susan.

"Let's give you a makeover, Vivi Sawyer." sAid Sweet.

After a few minutes, Vivi was changed up. She had makeup on and different clothes. She actually looked... Beautiful! She walked outside with the Heathers. She was so long in the bathroom that she missed class. It was already their free time. She could hear whispers on who she was.

It was going to be a beautiful freakin day.

---

It was Vivi's third week with the Heathers. She still hang out with Sun of course, but she was enjoying this. No one would bother her that much anymore. 

It was lunch time now and Sweet asked Vivi to do something.  

"Oi Vivi, please write this in Logan's handwriting. Susan bend over."

Vivi politely accepted.

"Join my party or I shoot you with an AK47. From Logan, to Sun."

"Isn't that a bit mean?" asked Vivi.

"No it isn't, it's gonna be hilarious! I heard they were a thing before!" cackled Sweet.

"Yeah they were, they even kissed! Gross." exclaimed Sunny. She and Logan were a thing (teehee) so it was weird to remember.

"Ay Logan please be nice and give this to Sun! Don't look because it's girl stuff.""

"That was mean!" exclaimed Vivi.

"Are we gonna have a problem here? You got a bone to pick? Why come so far and now you're pulling on my skirt!" yelled Sweet.

"This is what it's like in my candy store." 

Vivi immediately shut up after that.

--

HhHHhhhHHhHH Losunny will never not be a thing.