Worth Dying For // Kian Lawley

Chapter 10: Am I Not What You Want?

Grace's POV

It's been almost two weeks since I had last seen Kian because he wanted to leave town to travel to Florida for some reason. Probably to get away from me. Today was going to be my first day seeing him since that day we had at the pond and I wasn't exactly sure how to feel about it.

I wasn't sure whether I was nervous or excited... Perhaps a little bit of both?

A sudden knock at my door startled me, causing me to yelp in surprise, breaking me out of my nervous thoughts. I quickly ran into the bathroom to make sure my hair and makeup were still intact. I smiled in satisfaction when I saw that I looked fine.

I took a deep breath before exiting the bathroom and opening the door. Once I opened the door, I was greeted by Kian smirking at me.

"Gracie!" he shouted excitedly, with his arms out.

I cringed a bit at his use of my nickname, but I was still really happy to see him.

"Sweetheart!" I shouted in response and jumped into his open arms.

Kian hugged me tightly, lifting me off the floor and then carried me into the room. He shut the door behind us with his foot so he wouldn't have to release from the hug just yet.

"I've missed you," he stated as he put me down gently.

"Yeah right," I replied with a smile. "You probably had a ton of fun without me."

"Not even," he stated in response. "I mean, yeah I had fun, but all I was thinking was coming back to LA to be with my annoying little Gracie."

Kian then started to pinch my cheek, causing me to slap his hand away.

"Don't do that!" I yelled at him. "I really did miss you though. No matter how much you get on my nerves, I just can't seem to get enough."

"I could say the same to you."

Kian gently wrapped his arms around my waist, taking me by surprise. My eyes widened as I looked up Kian, who was smirking at me. I wasn't exactly sure what to make of this situation. Suddenly Kian closed his eyes as he moved his face closer to mine. I quickly jumped back and Kian released his grip on me.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"We're just friends, remember? Friends don't do that," I lectured.

He sighed and nodded. "Whatever," he said cooly. "I didn't wanna kiss you that much anyway," he stated sarcastically.

He crossed his arms and took a few steps back to lean on the wall to try and look 'cool' or whatever. Things didn't exactly go as he planned however, because he tripped over his own two feet and fell onto the floor with a loud thud instead. I broke out into a loud fit of laughter and also fell to the floor as I clutched my sides.

"Oh...my...gosh," I stated between laughs as I got up slowly.

Kian rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah very funny. Now be a dear and help me up?"

I nodded, still cracking up. I walked toward him, but didn't notice his foot sticking out, so I tripped over it and also fell...again...on top of him. My face was right above his and I could hear Kian breathing more heavily than before.

"Looks like the big bad Gracie isn't so graceful, now is she?" he stated softly.

I laughed quietly at his play on words. He bit his lip once my eyes met his again. I seriously wanted to get up and escape this awkward situation, but I couldn't seem to get myself to move. I stared straight into his brown eyes and found myself also biting my lip.

"Damn you," Kian stated. "Stop being so attractive."

"I'm not doing anything," I replied with a light laugh.

"Yes you are! You keep biting your lip and you're right on top of me right now and honestly, I'm kinda turned on because you're just so damn-"

I cut him off by placing my lips onto his. I didn't exactly know why I did it, but I just couldn't stop myself. He kissed back passionately and I found myself tangling my fingers in his hair as he did the same in mine. After about three minutes, I reluctantly came up for air and rested my forehead on Kian's.

Kian giggled softly.

"What?" I asked.

"Your hair is tickling my face."

I quickly lifted my forehead from his and laughed gently. "Oh sorry."

"No it's fine."

Things got awkward very quickly. It really sunk in that I was still lying on top of Kian and I had just got done making out with him. What the hell was I thinking?!

"Kian," I stated.

"Yeah?" he whispered.

"What the hell are we doing?"

"W-what do you mean?"

I sighed. "We can't keep doing this."

"Why not? I really care about you! And I actually thought you cared about me too," he said. "Am I not what you want? Am I not good enough?"

I sighed again and got off of Kian. I extended my hand to help him up, which he took. I sat on the bed and patted the spot beside me, signaling for Kian to sit there.

"Kian, it's not that. I care about you, I really do, but it's just that," I was holding back tears as I hesitated. I almost let my secret slip, but I caught myself. "Never mind. Forget about it. I just can't do this with you."

"No tell me!"

"It's nothing Kian. Just forget it, alright?"

"Well you brought it up and I honestly think I deserve at least an explanation as to why you won't just be with me."

"I just really don't want you to be mad at me," I told him with tears in my eyes.

He put his arm around me comfortingly. "I won't be mad at you. I promise, okay? Just be honest with me."

I took a deep breath before speaking. I was about to tell him something that would probably destroy him. I took a few shaky breaths, which didn't calm me down at all whatsoever. I was completely and utterly terrified about how he would react and I could never handle seeing him hurt.

"I'm going to die soon."

Kian stared at me wide-eyed for about five minutes before speaking.

"W-what?"

"I'm dying, Kian," I admitted.

"You're kidding right? Is this some sort of sick joke, Gracie?"

I slowly shook my head and my tears began to fall. My eyes focused on the floor, avoiding Kian's gaze.

"It's true. I was diagnosed by a doctor with a slightly rare condition and I only have about two months left. My parents don't know, nor would they care anyway."

I slowly and apprehensively looked up at Kian. I was hurt to see that he was crying silently. It absolutely killed me to see him like that.

"Please don't cry Kian," I begged him.

Instead of replying, he just hugged me as he cried. I hugged him back tightly and cried along with him.

About twenty minutes passed before Kian stopped crying and released from the hug.

"I'm sorry for crying," he told me. "I'm so sorry. But... I still wanna help you finish your list and I still wanna be with you. I think we should just enjoy what we have together right now."

I nodded in agreement.

Kian then laid back onto the bed and held out his open arms. I laid down beside him and happily cuddled up next to him into his protective arms. Kian and I just lied there for hours on end until the end of the night, not muttering a single word, merely enjoying each other's company.

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