Worth Dying For // Kian Lawley

Chapter 14: Nothing Without You

Time remaining between Kian and I was quickly dissolving. I only had about three weeks left to spend with him and I could tell that Kian was becoming more and more depressed by the day, but for some reason... I wasn't.

I knew it sounded crazy, but death didn't exactly phase me anymore. Death was a part of life and dying didn't seem so bad, honestly. I mean Kian was amazing and all, but it kinda sucked that he was all I had. I had no friends and worst of all I had no family. There was no point in being sad though...my pain would soon end. I wasn't too worried about Kian, mainly because I wasn't that important, so he would easily survive without me. He would be falling for some prettier and nicer girl in no time.

Kian would be okay without me... of course he would-right?

At that moment, nothing could reassure me.

~*~

A sudden knock on my door got my hopes up. Could Kian possibly be surprising me with a visit tonight? I quickly jumped out of my bed, almost stumbling to the floor in excitement. I took a deep breath before grasping the handle and opening the door.

I instantly smiled when I saw Kian. His blonde hair was a complete mess. It looked as if he put no effort into it, but I found it oddly attractive. My smile soon went away however, when I noticed that he had a pained expression on his face. He instantly pulled me into a tight hug, not saying a single word. After a while, I soon began to wonder if he would ever let go. My question was soon answered when he released from the hug. I quickly shut the door behind him and I motioned toward my bed.

Kian nodded and gently lied down. I lied beside him and he held his hands up, taking both of mine in his, intertwining our fingers.

"Kian," I whispered, breaking the silence.

"Yeah?" he whispered back.

"Are you okay?" I asked, truly concerned.

"I'm afraid," he confessed.

I gently broke one of my hands out of his grip and softly caressed the right side of his face. He placed his hand over mine and closed his eyes.

"There's no reason to be."

"Yes there is!" he argued. "Whenever I'm alone I constantly think about me losing you."

"I usually try not to think about it," I told him. "It usually gets me through the day."

"But I don't want to lose you. I don't want us to be over. I can't live to see this die, Gracie."

I gently pressed my lips to his forehead, hoping to give him some kind of comfort.

"You'll be fine, Kian. In the beginning, I've always been scared, but I'm not afraid anymore."

"But the world as I know it will never be the same place without you here in my life," he replied.

"But for now, I'm right here."

"Not for long," he muttered under his breath. "How can you be so positive about this whole thing?"

I shrugged. "I guess you can say my years alone have taught me very well. I'm pretty much used to bad things happening to me all the time."

He sighed. "I hate that you've had to go through all of this, baby girl. You don't deserve it."

I shrugged. "I survived, though, I guess," I muttered. "But Kian you'll be fine without me. Pretty soon, you'll find some other girl more amazing and more beautiful than I'll ever be and you'll completely forget about me."

"I am pretty sure that that is the most ridiculous thing you have ever said to me, Gracie. I could never possibly forget you. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me."

"We both know that's not true."

Kian sighed and wrapped his arms around me to pull me closer.

"Of course it is."

I wrapped my arms around his waist and buried my face in his warm chest. The sound of his steady heartbeat was soothing and calmed me down.

"I love you," he whispered against my hair.

"And I love you."

It still baffled me how someone as amazing as Kian could possibly feel that way about someone as awful as me. I truly didn't deserve him.

I moved my face out of his chest so my dull eyes could meet his perfect ones. He noticed me staring at him and gave me a half-smile in return. I giggled softly as I pushed his soft and messy blonde hair to the side. I continued to touch his hair and run my gentle fingers through it, still giggling softly. The corners of his lips slowly curled up into a grin as I did this.

"You're so damn adorable," he told me, causing me to blush.

He teased me by pinching my warm and very red cheeks. I gently slapped his hands away playfully.

"Stop," I whined.

"You're such a baby."

He then held my face in both of his hands and pulled my lips to his. Kian tried to break the kiss, but I held it, deepening it. I intertwined my fingers in his hair, not realizing that I was pulling it slightly, causing a moan to escape Kian's lips. He then smirked into the kiss and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me closer...if that were possible. After a few minutes, he suddenly got on top of me and I surprisingly wasn't nervous. Everything at this moment felt so perfect. Everything felt so right. My fingers somehow found their way to the hem of Kian's shirt. I wasn't even thinking about my current actions. They just seemed to happen on their own. I slowly moved his shirt up and he broke the kiss realizing what I was doing.

"Gracie, you don't have to do this," he whispered.

"I know," I replied. "But I want to."

"Are you absolutely sure that you want this? I never want you to regret this decision."

"Kian, of course I'm sure," I reassured him. "I love you."

"I'll still love you just as much whether we do this or not," he replied.

"I want to," I told him.

He obviously tried to hide his smile by biting his lip, but it didn't exactly work because that was the most genuine smile I've seen from him since him and I first met.

Kian quickly pulled his shirt over his head and began kissing me again. This was the most amazing thing I had ever experienced.

~*~

I woke up in the middle of the night in Kian's arms. I couldn't believe that I actually lost my virginity to this perfect guy. That was something I never thought I'd do.

Out of nowhere it struck me that I finished everything on my list. I finished my list much sooner than expected. Granted, I took a few things off the list, but only the unnecessary things.

I slowly lifted Kian's arms from my waist, hoping not to wake him, climbed out of bed and grabbed my notebook from the dresser. I opened to the correct page and swiftly pulled the pen out of the spiral to cross my final completed task off the list:

Lose your virginity to someone who loves you as much as you love them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hello my dear, dear readers! Exams are finally over so I am no longer as stressed. It's about time I updated, right?

And you're amazing if know what song I referenced multiple times in this chapter (:

Typos, typos, typos. Don't mind them please!

Vote and comment if you enjoyed this one!