cigarette ;; DISCONTINUED

thirty

30: Back to zero

Lisa pov
The ride back home was quiet. The whole time Jennie was looking outside the window, not noticing the worried looks I sent her.

I quickly texted Jisoo and Chaeyoung, notifying them that the two of us already went home.

Back in our apartment, I closed the door after her and watched her walk into her room. Her eyes were empty, motionless as if she had just seen a ghost.

your hope: hey where r u??
your hope: did u already leave

lili: yeah sorry about that

Hoseok then continued to bombard me with messages, to the point where I just muted my phone.

I wasn't exactly mad at him, I was rather confused. Both of us had already confessed that we liked each other, we went on dates, and acted just like a normal couple.

Yet, he still hadn't asked me out officially.

Another thing I had noticed, was that he seemed to avoid kissing me in public.

It was as if there were two Hoseok's. There was the cute and clingy one, that would try to kiss me at every given occasion whenever we were alone, and then there was the other Hoseok, that would act like we're just friends as soon as another person enters the room.

I didn't want to make too big of a deal out of it, yet I could do nothing but feel uneasy.

With a sigh, I went into my room to change into some sweats and took off my makeup.

Hoseok was a great person, no doubt, but sometimes I asked myself if he was showing me or others the real him.

This duality, this two-face facade wanted to make me scream at him, asking if I really meant something to him.

Putting my hair into a loose bun, I left my room and knocked at Jennie's door. After a few seconds of waiting, I opened the door a bit and peeked through it.

The room was filled with darkness, only a small ray of the crescent shone into her room.

She was laying on her bed, her arms spread to each side as she was staring straight at the ceiling.

I entered the room and sat down at the end of her bed. She was still wearing her dress, the shiny bits reflecting the moonlight at the wall.

"I've chosen him over Taehyung." Her voice was nothing more than a low whisper, almost unnoticeable.

"What?", I asked. Her words confused me.

"Jongin. I've chosen him over Taehyung."

Silence filled her room. I knew she was talking about what had happened in Aurora.

I remember the way my heart had dropped when I saw her step in between the two of them. Without hesitation she would have gotten hurt, only to save Jongin's ass.

I should thank Hoseok for holding Taehyung back, I thought before turning my attention back onto Jennie.

"Unnie, can I ask you something?", I asked into the quiet.

Her breathing was low as she nodded.

"But you must answer truthfully. No lying!"

Once again she nodded. She looked drained as if she had no actual power to even respond to me.

"Do you still have feelings for Jongin?"

I watched as she bit on the inside of her cheek before closing her eyes.

"Because I don't think you do", I answered my own question, "I think you're right in the middle of developing feelings for Taehyung but because of the fear of getting hurt once again, you make yourself think that you still love Jongin."

Jennie knew as much as I did, that the feelings for Jongin were long gone. She was just missing all the memories they had made together, all the moments of pure and innocent love they had shared, before he had started to change.

She was in love with the man that had shown her what it meant to live and not give up, who had loved her in the very moments she couldn't love herself.

But that man was long gone.

Only the memories of him stayed, engraved into her mind, just like the memories of all those times Jongin had hurt her.

"But, y'know what? At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what I think. All that matters is what you feel", I added, waiting for her to say something.

Slowly she sat up, resting her hands in her lap, fiddling with her bracelets.

"And I can only hope you choose what is best for you so that you can be happy again."

The three of us had to watch her as she got her heart broken, not being able to do anything. We had tried to cheer her up, let her forget about everything but in the end, he had always crossed her mind in her happiest moments.

We were waiting for her to regain her confidence as much as her happiness and when time had progressed we thought that there was an improvement.

But the moment the four of us had stepped into Aurora and she had seen him again, everything went back to zero.

"Y'know", Jennie finally mumbled, "after everything that happened with Jongin, I really wanted to learn how to depend on myself for happiness but then- then everything just-"

Tears glistered in her eyes as she lifted her head to look at me. There was a pain in her eyes that made me want to cry with her, letting out all my frustration.

I've might not know the pain she must've gone through but that didn't change the fact that somewhere, I was hurt by the way Hoseok treated me so differently in front of others.

But this wasn't about me, this was about her. With a distorted smile, her shoulder started to shake as the sound of laugher left her lips.

"Is it too much to ask for a moment where I'm not hurting?! I don't want this anymore, Lisa-yah!"

Her brows drew together as she grimaced in pain, pressing her eyes shut, which lead to her tears being shed.

It pained me, seeing her like this because I knew there was nothing I could do to help her. Not a hug, not a kiss on the forehead, not even the brushing away of her tears could get rid of the numbness she was feeling.

I knew that she wanted to cry, scream, bash around and let it all out but that wouldn't make her feelings go away.

Jennie was lost, entangled in her own emotions and as much as I wanted to get her out of there, the two of us knew that she was the only person to help herself.

She had to let go of all the memories she was still treasuring of her past relationship but most importantly she had to let go of Jongin.

He didn't love her anymore. To him, it was probably all fun and games to see her like this. He was human trash and even though I had once admired him, he now only disgusted me.

"I should talk to Taehyung, shouldn't I?", Jennie asked, her voice cracking at the end of her sentence.

"Give him some time, hmm? I think both of you need to think about a few things before seeing each other again", I responded as I took her hand into mine.

She definitely needed some time as well, reevaluating for whom she cared most about.

Jongin, Taehyung, or herself.