cigarette ;; DISCONTINUED

fourty-six

46: Promise

Jisoo pov
With my hand wrapped around hers, Lisa and I left the building.

As I looked around, searching for a specific car, she startled mumbling something.

"I should go and apologize."

I turned to her and as my eyes were glued on her pale face, I felt even more sorry.

"Let's head home first, okay?", I softly replied and brushed a strand of hair out of her face.

I turned my head away from her and when I spotted Yoongi's car I gently pulled her towards it.

I opened the back door and made sure she got in without bumping her head. After fastening her seatbelt I got in and as soon as I sat down at the passenger seat I asked Yoongi to just drive us home.

It was quiet the whole time and I could see him taking glances at Lisa through the rearview mirror.

He stopped at a traffic light and looked at me with a raised brow. I knew he wanted answers but I couldn't give them to him just yet.

I took a look at the backseat, where Lisa had rested her head against the window. With dull eyes, she stared outside and probably did not notice that the car had come to a stop.

Silence filled the car during the whole drive and when Yoongi stopped the car in front of our building I gave him a tired smile.

"Why don't you just go upstairs, hmm? I'll be there in a second", I said as I turned around and patted Lisa's knee.

I was hoping that she would answer but I earned nothing more than a nod.

Yoongi and I watched her unfasten her seatbelt and get out of the car. The moment she entered the building I sighed deeply.

"Jisoo, what the fuck?!"

Slowly I turned my head to Yoongi, who was looking at me in concern. I knew what he was thinking and it made me feel even worse about everything.

"What were you two doing at an abortion clinic?!"

I leaned back a bit so my head was pressed into the headrest of the seat.

"What other reason should we have if not-"

I couldn't even finish my sentence.

"Who's the father?"

Everything started to spin and I felt like I was detaching from reality. How was it possible for us to get hurt so much because of something that physically didn't even affect us?

"It's... it's most likely Hoseok."

Yoongi let out a groan and punched the driving wheel.

"Fuck, Jisoo."

He ruffled through his hair and looked back at me. I lowered my head as shame overcame me.

"Does he know?"

"I- he-", I stammered, not being able to bring out a whole sentence.

Yoongi's hands grabbed my face as he made me look him in the eyes.

"Tell me, Jisoo, does he know? Does he know that she got- got rid of his baby?"

The following silence was enough of an answer to him.
Taking a deep breath he let go of me and leaned back in his seat.

He had been acting so distant ever since we had that fight in his apartment, that I almost forgot how his touch felt like.

The moment his fingers slipped from my body I wanted to pull him back to me and lean into his touch.

But I didn't. I watched as he ran his hand over his face.

There were still words unsaid between the two of us and this wasn't the right moment to talk about it.

"If he ever finds out...", Yoongi couldn't even bring himself to finish his thought.

I knew Hoseok would be devastated. He would cry, he would blame himself, he would beg Lisa to tell him that it wasn't true.

He would've fought for that baby.

But Lisa... she couldn't. And in the end, it would've been Lisa's fight all along, Hoseok could've only been supporting her.

Yoongi looked back at me, his hand reaching for mine.

"Soo?"

It's been so long since he had called me by that name. Solely him calling me like that made me stronger, it gave me the hope that everything could turn out right eventually.

"Can you promise me something?"

I nodded, not knowing what would come next.

It didn't matter to me.
It didn't matter, because I trusted him enough to know he would not ask for anything stupid.

He had gotten hurt by me and by promising him something, anything, I could prevent me from hurting him ever again.

"If we- if you ever get into the situation Lisa just was in... could you tell me?", his voice was only a whisper.

"I don't want to decide anything about it because it's your body but if we ever come to that point, please tell me."

With every word, he said it got harder for me to breathe.

"Please tell me, please let me know. Whatever you do, please don't hide it from me."

Slowly I lifted our hands, pressing a kiss on the back of his hand.

"I promise."

My chest felt heavy and with every breath, I took I more and more had to suppress the urge to cry out my frustration.

"Can you promise me something too?", I asked. My voice cracked at the end of the sentence but that didn't hold me back.

"Can you promise that if we ever get exposed, you won't turn your back on me. Can you promise that you'll be there, no matter what?"

Yoongi's thumb calmingly caressed my hand as he nodded.

"All for you, Soo", he said with a genuine smile on his face, "If it's for you, I'd promise anything."

His other hand moved to the back of my head so he could pull me closer. Our foreheads rested against each other as he closed his eyes for a moment.

He was tired, I could tell, but so was I. Everything around us seemed to crumble down and we only had each other to hold onto.

Just his existence was enough for me to keep on going, to not give up and I wanted to give him the same feeling.

When he opened his eyes again, our gazes met.

Looking into his eyes, I could see that he had forgiven me for meeting Jinyoung, but he surely had not forgotten about it.

"But I can't give you more than myself, Soo, remember that. I'm not Jinyoung, I'm myself. I wish I could but really..."

I shook my head, my hand finding its way to his face. The wound on his lower lip had gotten smaller. It was still there, red and swollen, but at least it wasn't as big as it was the last time I had seen him.

"And that's enough. You're more than enough."

With those words, I connected our lips and with that, I reconnected our hearts.