cigarette ;; DISCONTINUED

thirty-one

31: Nightmares

Jennie pov
There he stood, not even two feet away, his back facing me.

He was looking right into the setting sun and I could do nothing but smile as I held my hand in front of my eyes, blocking out the dazzling light.

I couldn't tell where we were but I heard birds sing and the scent of fresh rain rose up into my nose.

He had his hands in his pockets, the wind blowing through his hair.

I called out his name, one time, two times.
But he didn't turn around.

I wanted to see his face, watch his beautiful smile grow as he would pick me up and spin me around like in those romance movies.

Slowly I walked up to him but with every step I took, it felt like he was getting farther away from me.

My steps quickened as I held out my arm, trying to get a grip of him.

Soon enough I started to run, panting hard. My legs and my lungs hurt but I didn't want to stop.

I needed to reach him, I needed to pull him into my embrace.

But as my steps got slower, the pain in my feet got bigger until I dropped to my knees.

I felt the skin at my knees give in to the hard ground, scratching open until I was bleeding.

Once again I wanted to call out his name but my voice was stuck in my throat. I could only whimper as my shoulders slumped.

My heart was beating hard against my rib cage while I had to watch him vanish into the bright light, leaving me behind.

The moment I lost sight of him, everything went dark.

I was alone. I was let down by him, just like I had let him down.

For the last time, I screamed his name, hoping that he would come back and get me out of this misery.

"Kim Taehyung!"

Drenched in sweat I sat up, gasping for air as I felt tears stain my face.

There was no blinding light and there was no darkness. I was in my room, sitting on my bed. Kuma, who was laying right next to my foot, looked up to me, wagging his tail.

The early morning sun shone into my room. Inhaling deeply, I closed my eyes again and laid back down.

I was exhausted and this nightmare had drained all of my energy. It was a weird dream, not to say less, but it was way too familiar at the same time.

Feeling a warm tear roll down from the corner of my eyes, I remembered how I had the same dream when Jongin and I were in the first stages of breaking up.

I had felt lost and left behind, having to watch him walk away as I could do nothing to prevent him from leaving me.

The way I felt now, the way my heart was aching, was exactly the same as it was back then.

With a sigh, I stood up and peeled myself out of my dress. My head hurt and I felt like I would pass out any minute.

I left my room and walked into the kitchen to get myself a glass of water. The other three were already sitting at the table, the food on it untouched.

Both Jisoo and Chaeyoung were starring at their phones, Jisoo with a soft smile while Chaeyoung nibbled on her bottom lip.

Our youngest was staring down on her empty plate, sitting there, leaned back in the chair while her arms were crossed in front of her.

"Unnie, don't forget to take your meds", she mumbled as I sat down next to Jisoo.

Taking a small peek at the phone in her hand I could see that she was texting Yoongi.

Clearing her throat Chaeyoung put her phone away and took a strawberry out of the bowl in front of her.

She tried to hide the hickeys on her neck as much as she could with her hair but we had already noticed.

Just when Jisoo was about to open her mouth and say something she interrupted her.

"So why did you two leave earlier, yesterday?", the blonde tried to find a topic to talk about that would not lead to us talking about those reddish-purple marks.

For a second I felt Lisa's gaze on me and while she stayed quiet, I brushed a strand of hair out of my face.

"I just wasn't feeling well and Lisa decided to accompany me home", I replied before taking a toast and putting some peanut butter on it.

They didn't need to know about what had gone down the night before. I didn't want to burden them with my problems, especially since they all seemed to have problems on their own.

None of us said anything as we just silently started to eat our breakfast.

I wasn't hungry but I knew if I didn't eat, they'd be worried. Forcing the toast into me, I then took my meds before putting my plate into the dishwasher.

Jisoo started to tell us something but I wasn't listening.
I still needed to talk to Taehyung and... apologize?

I didn't know what I'd say if he stood in front of me but I somehow had to explain my actions to him.

"...he said they'll be on tour again."

"What? Who will be on tour?", I turned around and looked at Jisoo with my head tilted.

Please don't tell me...

"Yoongi and the boys. That's why we won't see them until the 20th or so. I don't know, he just mentioned something like that."

That meant I wouldn't be able to see Taehyung face to face and talk to him personally.

"When are they leaving?", Chaeyoung asked, her voice pitching higher than usual. Anxious her finger was tapping on the table so Lisa put her hand on top of hers.

"He said something among the lines of them getting ready to go to the airport right now so-"

"Damn it!" Chaeyoung stood up and rushed to her room as I followed her. She put on her jacket and was about to put on her shoes as well when I stopped her.

"Where do you think you're going?", I asked as I held her back.

"I need to talk to Jimin one last time before he leaves."

She tried to get out of my grip but I was stronger than her.

"Don't. Let's wait for them to come back", I mumbled as I felt her slowly giving in, "Let's use this time to think about some stuff, okay? Whatever it is that you want to ask him can wait."

Finally, the younger stopped struggling. Closing her eyes she stepped closer to me and rested her head on my shoulder.

"Okay. I'm sorry for acting like a whiny child... it's just- just so confusing."

I didn't know what she was talking about exactly but I had the feeling that it had to do something with Jimin and the marks on her neck.

I, too, was confused but I knew that I had to make a decision sooner or later.

Taehyung wouldn't wait for me forever and Jongin would not stop hurting me until I'd put an end to it all.

I had yet to find out what was going on in his head and as long as I wouldn't understand the reasoning for his acting, I could not focus on Taehyung.

Now that they would go to their last tour stops overseas, I had time for myself to figure out what I really wanted.

I patted the blonde's head as I whispered something into her ear, forcing a smile on my own lips.

"Don't worry, time will solve everything."