cigarette ;; DISCONTINUED

fourty

40: Giving up

Jisoo pov
I rang the doorbell of Yoongi's apartment and waited for him to open the door. When he did I was a bit taken aback by the face he was making.

He was looking annoyed, a line appearing on his forehead and with a deep sigh, he stepped aside so I could enter.

"Am I'm disturbing you at anything?", I asked as I took off my shoes.

"No", he mumbled in response, walking past me into the living room. I followed him and was greeted by a small fluffy dog.

Stroking its head, I watched as Yoongi sat down on his couch. He ruffled through his hair and let out a low groan before looking back at me.

Besides tiredness, there was something else in his eyes, something I couldn't identify.

"Is everything okay?"

I sat down beside him. Yoongi turned away with a nod and when I tried to take his hand, he pushed mine away.

"Talk to me, Yoongi. What is going on?"

He stood up and took a deep breath. It was shaky as if he had to control himself of not doing something.

"How-", his voice cracked so he cleared his throat, "How was it?"

"How was what?" I was confused and didn't know what he was talking about.

Yoongi chuckled sarcastically and a heavy feeling spread in my chest.

"Meeting Jinyoung again."

My heart stopped and with that, I felt like everything else did too.

"I know you went to hang out with him and Doyoung", he added when he realized I wasn't going to respond.

"How do you know?" My voice was only a whisper, almost unable to be heard.

"Jaebum told me about it."

He turned around and when I looked into his eyes, I felt shivers going down my spine. His eyes showed no emotion as if he wasn't breathing anymore.

Looking into his eyes felt like looking a dead person into the eyes, expressionless, dull. empty.

"L-look, I can explain, hmm?"

I stood up, my hands reaching for him but he dodged them. With a pounding heart, I stood in front of him, his eyes not meeting mine.

My hands started to shake as I looked at the ground.

I knew I had fucked up as soon as I had sent that text to Jinyoung.
I knew I shouldn't have met him.

Even though nothing had happened, I knew that I shouldn't have gone and seen him because I knew how much Yoongi disliked the idea of me seeing him again.

"I don't want an explanation, Jisoo. It's okay."

"You're not mad?", I asked, lifting my head slightly so I could look at him.

Yoongi shook his head. I knew he wasn't. He wasn't the type of person to get mad, he was someone that got disappointed.

I disappointed him, my boyfriend, and with that, I had disappointed myself.

"I- I don't know what was going on in my head when I went to meet him but when I say that I'm sorry, please believe me."

I felt like breaking down and crying. Even though I did not cheat on Yoongi in any way, it was still a horrible feeling to see how I had hurt him with my actions.