cigarette ;; DISCONTINUED

fourty-five

45: The talk

Jennie pov
j: i'm on my way to meet jongin now
j: i hope everything's gonna turn out alright

I stared at my phone and waited for a reply. My heart was racing in my chest and seeing Taehyung's emotional support would've at least calmed me down a bit.

"We've arrived at the destination", my driver said and quietly I thanked him. I opened the car door and stepped into the snowy winter night.

I intentionally had planned to meet Jongin in the daytime but I gave in as soon as he talked about paparazzi and fans seeing us.

There was no use in arguing with him and I wanted to get over with it as soon as possible.

I was tired of having him sitting on my shoulder like a little devil, whispering things into my ear that I didn't want to hear.

He was already out of my heart, now I only needed him to get out of my life.

I recognized his figure near a street light, his slender figure making a long shadow on the frozen ground.

"So what is it that you want so urgently to talk about?", he directly asked before I could even open my mouth.

I wanted to be annoyed that he didn't greet me but I knew that it was for the better.

"I want you to stay out of other's people's business. More specifically, mine and Taehyung's."

"Really Jennie?", with a chuckle he turned to me. The tips of his ears were red because of the cold and his cheeks were slightly pinkish.

"Mhm, really. I'm sick of it and it's just childish."

Before I could even continue he had taken a step forward. His hands wrapped around my arms and pulled me closer to him until I bumped against his chest.

His face was inches away from mine and I could see how he was staring at my lips longingly.

"Don't talk bullshit. I know you still love me, Nini. I know you still want me."

The moment the nickname he used to call me slipped from his lips, I was ready to slap him across the face and just leave right then and there.

But I had to stay.
I had to stay so he would finally leave me alone.

I wiggled in his embrace and when I felt his hands letting loose, I pushed him away from me. He stumbled back a few steps but the smug grin still wasn't washed from his face.

"You crave for my touch, for my love. I just know it, Jennie."

"I don't, get that in your head, Jongin. It's over, why can't you understand?!", I tried so hard not to raise my voice too loud.

A bitter feeling started to spread in my chest, the same feeling I had right before our break up.

"It was over the moment you treated me like I wasn't even existing", I quietly added, my lips pressed together to a thin line.

"Then tell me, do you love him? Do you love that smoking rat, who just sugarcoats you with his words but then probably fucks other girls when you're not looking?"

My words were stuck in my throat. I wanted to answer but my mouth just wouldn't let the words come out.

Did I love Taehyung?

I didn't know. He wasn't my boyfriend, nothing was official between the two of us. All I knew was that he helped me heal and that his presence had been the only source of my happiness in the past few weeks.

"You disgust me." My voice was creaky and I tried to calm myself down by taking a deep breath.

"I seriously don't know why I ever fell in love with you. Seriously. You- you-", I spit out the words I had wanted to tell him all this time.

"You're not answering my question, Jennie", Jongin sighed as he started messaging his temples.

You have no right to act this annoyed, I thought as I clenched my hands into fists.

"It doesn't matter if I love him or not, I want you to stay away from us-"

"There is no 'us'! You two aren't even together, Jennie, don't act so stupid", Jongin broke out in laughter, "He probably just wants to fuck you."

I shook my head.

Taehyung wasn't like that. He cared, he really did, I knew it. He cared more about my feelings and my wellbeing than Jongin ever had, and that despite never getting the confirmation from me that I wanted something serious.

"I'm tired of you being so selfish", I said and looked at him sternly.

Our eyes met and I felt like worlds were clashing. The fire in his eyes met my cold gaze and it was as if a silent war broke out.

"I hate you", I whispered into the winter night, "With every inch of my body I hate you."

Something in Jongin's eyes changed. The confident smile finally started to break down as he stared at me emotionless.

"You might hate me now but remember when you used to love me? Remember when I used to love you?", he groaned, his jaw clenched.

"Those times are over now. Let's just move on and let go of it, please."

The emotional torture he had put me through was coming to an end if he wanted to or not. Now I was strong enough to withstand his manipulations, the influence he had on me.

"I'm not asking for much", I calmly said, "All I want is to live in peace, without having to worry about you ruining my day. Is that too much to ask?"

He stayed quiet as he watched me turn around. Snowflakes fell from the sky and I held out a hand, catching a few of them.

As peacefully as the scene looked, there was chaos within me.

"And as much as I hate to admit it, you're right. I  remember the times I loved you. I remember them and I cherish them, really. But they're over now and I've grown out of our love."

Moving on was hard but there was now someone to endure my pain alongside me. I wasn't alone anymore, I was in good hands.

And it didn't take more than that one thought.
It didn't take more than that to realize that it was all worth it.

Leaving the pain behind was worth it for Taehyung.
Because he brought up the best and worst parts of me.

He lit up my world and broke me out of the prison I had built around my heart.

Every time he looked at me his eyes dripped of sincerity and love, of craving and respect.

I had been running from him and he had been waiting for me, waiting for me to come into his arms, into his warm, comforting embrace.

"Goodbye, Kim Jongin. May our paths never cross again."

With heavy steps, I walked away from him and the moment I got into the car I felt a weight being lifted from my shoulders.

I was free. After a year of emotional torture, I freed myself and was now being able to look into the future without worries. I could now go to Taehyung, who was waiting for me.

Waiting for me to come home.