cigarette ;; DISCONTINUED

thirty-five

35: Waiting

Jisoo pov
"Guys, lunch is ready", Jennie shouted through the dorm as I placed the pan on the table.

It was late noon and we had to hurry since we were scheduled to be in the studio in less than two hours.

I sat down on my seat and waited alongside Jennie for the two younger girls to come.

With a big smile, Chaeyoung peeked into the kitchen before sitting down on her chair. Cutely she scrunched her nose, pressing the insides of her hands together as she slightly clapped.

"Hmm, it smells so good in here."

Not much later Lisa also entered the kitchen, looking way less excited than our blonde friend. Lisa had already skipped breakfast and seeing her lack of interest in eating lunch made me worry.

Not saying anything, she just sat down and we started eating.

Chaeyoung, on the one hand, was so cheerful like we've never seen before. Her eyes crinkled while she complimented the excellency of the food.

It was almost weird to see her this jolly, blabbering about everything and anything.

Lisa, on the other hand, was completely silent. Listlessly she poked around in her food, pushing it from one side of her plate to the other.

"Oh, by the way, Jimin and I are dating."

Chaeyoung's words were followed by a short silence before Jennie made some squealing sounds.

"Really? Congratulations", I cheered, lifting my fists into the air, waving them around.

So that explained the way she was behaving. It was good to know that, whatever she and Jimin had to talk over the night before, must've played out well.

"Did he really asked you to be his girlfriend or are you just interpreting too much into his words?", Lisa suddenly asked, her gaze still focused on her plate.

"I mean, he didn't really mention the word girlfriend or boyfriend but-"

"As long as he doesn't ask you out officially, you're not dating", Lisa interrupted her, stuffing some rice into her mouth.

"What? He doesn't have to ask me out officially for us to be dating me. I understood the meaning of his words and- Lisa-yah, aren't you happy for me?", Chaeyoung put down her cutlery and looked at her best friend with slumped shoulders.

"I am. Trust me, I really am. But I don't want you to get hurt by misinterpreting something."

"Hey, did something happen?", I carefully asked. The way Lisa was acting was so unusual.

Lisa looked up, right into my face. She had an insincere smile on her face, which almost looked like she was in pain.

"Hoseok and I are done."

I slowly laid my cutlery aside and from the corner of my eye, I could see Jennie tilting her head.

"Really? Why? I thought you liked him?"

Our youngest looked at each and every one of us with a pained smile. "I do. But it's not worth it risking to lose myself in a helpless fantasy. In the end, I'll just end up heartbroken."

"But a relationship is all about taking risks. Love... is about taking risks", Jennie softly explained.

Instead of quietly agreeing to her words, like I thought Lisa would react, she scoffed and leaned back in her seat.

"Huh, you're the one to talk. Didn't you completely lose yourself after your breakup with Jongin? And now you're just as scared as I am of giving a man your heart."

She made a small break, in which she looked away from us before continuing. "Just look at the way you're treating Taehyung."

I felt my shoulder tense at her word while Chaeyoung sucked in air sharply.

Jennie took a deep breath, grabbing the chopsticks in her hand harder until the white of her knuckles could be seen. I knew I took her a lot of patience to not just shout at the younger girl.

"I know that you don't mean what you're saying right now. You're hurt and we acknowledge that. And as your sisters, we just want the best for you," Jennie calmly responded after taking another deep breath, "But I prefer you not to talk about my feelings and my relationships in that way."

Before Lisa could reply to that I cleared my throat so that their attention was on me.

"Let's not fight, okay? And y'know what, there are so many ways to ask someone out without using the word girlfriend or boyfriend", I added, making sure that Chaeyoung wouldn't feel insecure about her relationship again.

Of course, I didn't know the details of what she and Jimin went through to finally end up like this, but I was just hoping that she had to go through less uncertainty and doubt than I did.

"Ugh, whatever. If Jennie and Taehyung really start dating now, Jisoo unnie and I will be left alone", Lisa mumbled under her breath before continuing to eat.

At that moment, my heart clenched.

I decided not to tell them about me and Yoongi. I would, at some point in the future.

But at that very moment, it just didn't seem right.

Lisa had dumped the man she thought liked her. In order to protect herself from the heartbreak Jennie had gone through, she made a decision that seemed to hurt her more than she wanted to admit.

I couldn't just tell them about my relationship because it would just pull her down. I knew that she would be happy for me but at the same time, it would make her feel more lonely and left behind.

Quietly we just continued to eat as if this whole argument never happened.

Jennie was right, taking risks was a part of the beautiful and nerve-wracking journey of falling in love. But I also understood where Lisa was coming from.

Jennie getting her heart broken had not been easy to watch and I suppose it somehow scared the three of us away from love.

Especially Lisa had seemed to try to suppress even the smallest thought of falling in love, seeing how much Jennie had suffered.

For a few times, my eyes wandered to Lisa.

I couldn't bring myself to tell them about Yoongi.
As much as I wanted to share my happiness with them, it would be better to wait.

Wait for Lisa and Jennie to find their happiness again.

Wait for Yoongi and my relationship to establish more.

And most importantly, wait for the right time and the right place.

But the question that didn't want to leave my head was, how much longer could I really wait, trying to hide this new and adventurous part of my life from them?

As much as I didn't want to admit it, I knew that it would sooner or later slip from my lips, hurting someone way harder than it should.