cigarette ;; DISCONTINUED

thirty-three

33: Bound to drown

Jennie pov
Almost stumbling over liquor bottles, I made my way towards Taehyung's bedroom.

I knocked at the door and waited for him to say something and when he didn't, I just opened it.

Quietly I stepped into his room. He was laying on his bed, his right arm above his eyes and had an unlit cigarette loosely in between his lips.

"What do you want?", he groaned, the cigarette wagging up and down with every word he said.

I took a few steps towards him, almost tripping over a pile of clothes. If it wasn't for the streetlight shining dimly into his room, I'd be walking into complete darkness.

I felt my other senses sharpen as my eyes started to get used to the shadows. Especially my hearing got better so I could hear Chaeyoung and Jimin get into the apartment.

"I wanted to see you... and talk to you."

Standing in the middle of his room, I looked down at him. His breathing was so low that I almost thought he wasn't even breathing anymore.

"I don't think there's anything to talk about", his deep voice echoed through the room.

Stopping right at the end of his bed, I felt the fluffy carpet under my feet. Nervously I bit on the inside of my cheek until a familiar metallic taste lingered on my tongue.

"Please don't be like that. Don't push me away."

He didn't respond to that so silence filled the space between us. The air was tense and I felt like needing to break the silence because I was slowly getting uncomfortable.

Taehyung, on the other hand, didn't really seem to care too much. He didn't even move an inch or attempted to look at me.

I couldn't bear looking at him anymore as a horrible feeling overcame me. By my actions, I had hurt him more than I thought and I knew apologizing wouldn't make it undone.

"How many boxes did you smoke in this one month we didn't see each other?", I quietly asked as I eyed the three empty cigarette boxes on his nightstand.

"Not one. I couldn't."

The cigarette fell from his mouth and landed right on the hem of his shirt. When he attempted to put it back to his lips he moved his arm from his face so I could finally look at his eyes.

He had dark circles under them but the spot where Jongin had punched him didn't show any sign of wounds or marks. Luckily.

Scratching his neck he sat up, looking down at the cigarette in his hand. He tried to avoid looking at me by turning and twisting it around his long fingers, almost breaking it into two pieces.

"Why? I thought smoking relieves your stress", I said, sitting down at the edge of the bed.

I knew that I disappointed him. I was aware that I hurt him. But I wanted him to know that I was hurting as well.

Not only were Jongin's actions hurting me, but my own were too.

Stepping in between the two of them wasn't the smartest idea, I had to admit that, but at that very moment, it was the only right option for everyone's sake.

"It normally does. But now the smell of smoke just makes me miss you even more."

He chuckled sarcastically and then looked up, right into my eyes. Strands of his dark hair fell into his face and I had to fight the urge to brush them away.

"But that's a good thing isn't it?"

Trying to loosen up the tense atmosphere, I plastered a smile on my face which he did not return.

"How is missing someone, whose heart belongs to another person a good thing?", he bitterly asked, flicking the cigarette, that was in his hand just seconds ago, on the ground.

Looking down at my hands, I sighed. He was right, we both knew that.

Jongin still held a piece of my heart in his hands, crushing it until it was completely destroyed. And while I was busy pitying myself, Taehyung slowly had started to pick up every piece that Jongin had shattered.

"I'm sorry."

Taehyung inched closer and gently grabbed me by the back of my head to pull me to him. I hid my face in the crook of his neck, inhaling the scent of his perfume.

"It's okay, I guess", he replied, "You know I like you. I really do. And it annoys me so much because I can't stay mad at you because you're constantly in my head. Like a- like a parasite almost."

"Oh, so I'm a parasite now?", I asked, the corners of my lips quirking up.

"No- that's not... I don't- uhh-"

"It's okay, I get what you mean."

Pulling away from him, our eyes locked. And when I was completely drawn into his gaze, I noticed that he had changed.

His emotions were no longer displayed in his gleaming brown eyes. They were now hidden, locked up into the darkest corner of his heart.

They were impossible for me to reach.

He fell back into his pillows, pulling me with him as his arms wrapped around me tightly, not ever letting go of me.

My head was resting on his chest and I felt his heartbeat right next to my ear. It was calming but at the same time so unsettling.

"A sorry won't change anything and I know that. So give me some time so I can make it up."

Taehyung had tried to help me out of my broken misery. He gave me comfort and held me close to him.

And what did I do?

When he tried to pull me up, I pulled him down.

"Okay, I'll give you some time. To figure everything out, I guess", he mumbled.

I drowned him, pushed him down along with me.

It was my mistake. Letting him fall for me was my mistake.

I shouldn't have let my guard down.
Because now it wasn't only me drowning in my darkness.

"But please, for my sake, make up your mind quickly. I don't think I can wait forever."

It was him too.