Silent Cries ☾N.H.S

25| numb

❝ the funny thing is all i ever wanted i already had.
there's glimpses of heaven in every day. ❞

- hospital for souls by bring me the horizon

A/N: BEAR WITH ME LIL CHICKEN NUGGETS

☾25☽

Slanting my eyelids at the light streaming through the shutters across the room, I awoke to the faint beeping and the small pressure of the breathing mask covering my mouth and nose. There was a stand next to me with a bag of liquid being fed to me through tubes.

Looking around the white room, I passed the black televsion faintly playing my old favorite show, American Horror Story. How had I gotten here? I couldn't remember much, except- oh, no. I jumped off a bridge. Niall. Niall had followed me.

Scanning the room again, my frantic eyes finally rested on him, sleeping on a window seat, light bouncing off his faded hair. I tried to get up, but my muscles where weak from lying down for who knows how long, and the tubes attached to my body strained.

I could't say anything either, my mouth was dry and my lips where cracked. Lying back down, I smiled at his rumpled figure, but then stopped. He had on a hoody, and peeking out of his sleeves where thick white bandages wrapped around his wrists.

"N-Ni," I tried to say.

He sturred and rubbed his eyes, opening them to rest on me. "What?" He asked confusedly.

He bolted upright and stared at me. "A-awake?" He stuttered helplessly, his now silvery hair falling at different angles.

Niall got up from his seat, and ran towards me. Tears escaping, he made it to my hospital bed before his knees buckled, and he began kissing cheeks. I giggled, letting his soft lips peck the edge of my nose lovingly before he glanced down at my chapped lips.

"Thirst you're probably right?" He gasped clumsily, still looking dazed that I was awake. "Here," he said, running back to a water dispenser and giving me the water.

He was too adorable. I took the cup and looked down, the water swirled and suddeny I was feeling sick to my stomach. I put the water on my nightstand, and grabbed Niall's hand before he could run away.

"I-" I choked up and felt him press the cup up to me lips.

"Drink," he whispered, his eyes flaring with protectiveness.

I swallowed feebly and my throat instantly cleared up bit by bit.

Suddenly remembering something, I asked, "where's Carter?"

He stilled, a shadow falling over his face. "Uh, he got arrested a while ago."

Seeing the shock on my face, he hurried to say, "we can talk about it later."

The black door abruptly swung opened. My head swirled again in pain. What am I expecting? I blinked and imagened someone running in, brown hair swirling. Blink, and there was a whirl of nurses around me, grabbing Niall and telling him to get out.

"We'll talk about everything later!" He yelled before being thrown out of the room.

✧✧✧ LATER THAT DAY

My mom and dad rushed into the room the instant the doctors gave the okay. Niall was nowhere to be seen. Where was May, my sister?

"Niall's at school, finishing his exams," my mother said, reading my thoughts.

"Where's May?" I asked, my eyelids dragging down tiredly.

My mother's face wrinkled, as though she wasn't sure what she was supposed to say. "She just had her baby, so she's home."

Oh, wow. "When can I go home?" There was this weird hollow feeling in my chest, as though my heart was beating, but inside an empty chest.

"Soon, baby, soon." My mother began chocking on her tears and had to leave the room.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, feeling a strong wave of déjà vu hit me.

My father nodded, tears brimming his eyes. "It'll all get better once we get home."

He walked out as well. His face lacking color.

✧

The next time I woke up, a nurse was prying the sticky monitors from my skin and checking my vitals. There was no longer any mask covering half my face, and I was upright.

"Wah- um, what is going to happen?" I asked, wiggling my fingers and testing out my strength by slowly lifting my hand.

"Well, you're going to therapy now, and then some more therapy after that."

A therapist came in and helped me move around, getting my rusty joints to work properly again.

After that, they helped me to another room, large and towering.

Coming in and sitting down, I stared blankly at the wall behind the face, frowning.

A man came in and smiled at me, his face had brown stubble along his jaw and he was quite muscular. "Hello, welcome back, Halo."

Something stirred in me, but I couldn't quite recall anything. I felt sucked of all energy, so I just nodded simply.

"Hey."

"How are you feeling?" He asked kindly.

"I don't know." I looked down at my body for a clue.

"You surely must know? You seem a little shocked?"

I sighed. "I don't know? Like I'm here, but I'm supposed to be somewhere else?"

"What place?" He leaned in towards me patiently.

"I don't know. It's not really a place, it's more of a person."

"When we were here last- before you jumped, you told me you loved Niall?"

I nodded, twiddling my thumbs in my lap. I felt like throwing up.

"Is this place Niall?" Doctor Payne asked.

I felt myself shaking my head. "I- I don't know."

But there was something else. A feeling deep in the pit of my stomach that something had occurred for this change of my mind. Someone- someone in a dream? Someone had made me realize that life wasn't just a boy or my depression.

Life was adventure and sometimes life was terrible, but it was conquerable, and taking my life was horrible, so, so horrible, when so many people where desperately trying to save it.

It wasn't just about those that were trying to save it, but also myself. I should have realized that my life was a gift- not tried to throw it away because- why?

Swallowing the rough sandpaper texture that suddenly arose with the feeling of bile, it finally hit me. Repulsed, I put my fist to my mouth to keep my wavering stomach from convulsing.

Sitting forward, I stammered, "N-Niall?"

Doctor Payne looked at me gently. "What about him, sweetheart?"

I choked. "Niall's my stepbrother isn't he?"

A nod in return.

☪

oh my gosfkrjehwhwtjrhrjrjfffjfjfjf

*enters ur room and points at a hidden camera* niall is not bae, u just gotta punk'd

WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE
NIALL DARN U AND UR UNAVAILABILITY

no but guys, if you are ever feeling down you can talk to me or don't be afraid to open up to someone! suicide is serious and life shouldn't be serious, it should be beautiful and if it's not now, then just wait a lil and you're life will blossom like a flower! just stay positive :-)