BTS HYYH Notes (Book 1, 2, BUS Game) // COMPLETE [Part 2]

2022, Jul 25 - Hoseok (Stop Running Away Yoongi Hyung)

[Places: Road, hospital, workroom, crosswalk]

I ran into Yoongi hyung on my way to the practice room from the hospital. I was heading to the practice room without realizing it and stopped.

What would I even be able to do there? My ankle had gotten worse. The soft cast had been replaced with a real plaster cast.

The doctor scolded me. "You shouldn't strain your ankle."

But I couldn't sit down while working at the burger joint. I had a lot going on at the practice room, too.

"You have to be extra careful with your ankle. It's been injured before, and it might get damaged permanently unless you take extra care." The doctor kept saying this again and again.

I entered onto the main road leading to my house on my crutches. I hadn't gone home at such an early hour before. I hadn't skipped training without a special reason. I came face to face with Yoongi hyung. He was drunk and staggering at a crosswalk. He didn't recognize me as he brushed past. I turned my head and fixed my eyes on the "Walk" signal.

(A/N: Kinda throwback)

Two days after my visit to Jungkook at the hospital, I'd gone to Yoongi hyung's workroom. He didn't answer my call, so I just went straight to his workroom. It must've been in the morning because it was before I went to Two Star Burger. I knocked on the door, but no one responded. The faint sound of music streamed through the door. I thought of calling him again but gave up. I kicked the door instead.

I’d known Yoongi hyung since middle school. I knew how his eommeoni had died, how her death had impacted him. I tried to be a comforting, reliable friend to him. I laughed off his harsh words and took him around even though he thought I was annoying. But we were of no importance to him. We thought at least Jungkook would be different. He surely knew what he meant to Jungkook. He'd already heard about Jungkook's accident from Jimin. But he didn't come to the hospital. What's worse, a woman who claimed to be his musical partner came up to me out of the blue several days ago. She told me that she'd found me after asking around with everyone. She said that she wasn't able to contact him.

(A/N: End of throwback)

The "Walk" signal turned green. I began to cross the crosswalk, staggering myself. I looked back as I bent my steps. I tried not to but couldn't help it. Yoongi hyung lay on the street in front of a cart selling accessories. The vendor screamed at him as passersby frowned.

"When are you going to stop doing this?" He looked up at me blankly. "Do you think you're the only one going through tough times? Do you think I put on a smile in front of others because my life is all rosy and bright? Tell me. What are you so upset about? Everyone knows you're good at music, and they all willingly put up with you even when you act up. Yes, you must've been in pain since your eommeoni died. I know. But — You can't go on like this forever. Aren't you going to make music? Can you live without it? Haven't you been happy, even just once, because of music?” I continued. “Why didn't you go see Jungkook? Don't you know what you mean to him? DON’T YOU KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN TO HIM? Don’t you see we're all hurting too? Don't you see that?!"

I didn't mean to push him so hard, but I was really upset. It wasn't entirely because of him. I was upset that I was on crutches. Injuries were inevitable but also fatal for dancers. I thought I'd been on guard, but I got hurt at an unexpected moment. It was my fault. No one else could be blamed for it. I knew I'd be nervous and conscious of my ankle every time I dance, and that'd make me dispirited. Or else, I'd get injured again. And yet I couldn't get away from it. I couldn't live without dancing. I had to keep dancing despite being dispirited and injured.

"It's time to stop running away. If you're going to run away again, don't ever come back." I turned around and crossed the street.

"Hoseok!"

Thought I heard him calling me but I didn't look back. I had always blamed myself for everything that went wrong. I’d always thought I should’ve done this or endured that.

I didn't want to live like that anymore.