BTS HYYH Notes (Book 1, 2, BUS Game) // COMPLETE [Part 2]

2022, Aug 7 - Seokjin (Confronting My Abeoji)

[Places: Den, Kim's house]

After I got my memories back, I felt wretched. The fact that I had lost my memories wasn't the whole problem. I couldn't stand what I had done during the last loop.

I attended the redevelopment plan meetings several times. I knew everything about it. What they were planning to do, and what problems they were expecting. Among my abeoji's documents, I even saw the current resident's statuses with a red circle around Namjoon's name.

(A/N: Refer to the video. The difference is that, the name was highlighted in yellow.)

I was an accomplice and willing participant in the plan to drive Namjoon to his death. This accomplice felt foreign as if he were not me. Like a hollow shell that mimicked me. It was vicious and vile. Selfish and stone-hearted. Without any human warmth. I wanted to claim that he was not me. Nothing was done out of my will, and the blame should go to that hollow shell. But he had my face on him. And my body. The one who committed all the mistakes was none other than myself.

I picked up my abeoji's diary. If I remembered correctly, he had not like seeing me hanging around with my friends. He called my friends "useless" and held them in contempt because they didn't come from power or privilege.

I suddenly had a question. How could my abeoji do that? The way he thought of my friends was just like him. But according to his diary from the classroom-turned-storage, he had had friends. Friends who were so important to him that he tried to save them by turning back time. When he gave up his friends, did he gave up his soul as well? And he became that cold-hearted person?

I went to the den. I showed him his diary.

"What is it?" Without paying much attention, he took the diary and flipped the pages.

Instantly, his face became distorted. He was as still as if he had frozen on the spot. He didn't look at me or close the diary. His eyes were glued to it.

His hand turned the pages. His expression changed to one of pain. The will to forget and the wish to remember crisscrossed his face.

It was impossible to read his expression. When he met his voters or supporters, he looked trustworthy or modest, but that was one of his many masks. A look of pain was on his face now.

I stared at him in disbelief. "You know about the redevelopment plan---."

Hearing that, he closed the diary. "I don't know where you found this, but it's all in the past. Too much time has passed, and too many things have happened." The expression on his face vanished again.

"You had friends who were important to you, and you tried many times to save them." I did not utter that out loud.

I knew that he would know without me saying it. He knew why I had handed him the diary. But my abeoji's answer was no.

"Can you think about it one more time? It's not too late and you can make this right." I asked him as he was about to leave.

He slowly turned back and said, "It has nothing to do with me now."