BTS HYYH Notes (Book 1, 2, BUS Game) // COMPLETE [Part 2]

2022, Aug 3 - Seokjin (The Notebook & The Only Answer)

[Place: hideout]

(A/N: POV #1)

We opened the door to the classroom-turned-storage room and walked in. It was a summer day, and the air in the classroom still hot from the afternoon sun, was mixed with dust and the smell of mildew.

Suddenly, memories flooded back: the principal's shiny shoes, the expression on Namjoon's face as he stood outside this classroom, and how I ignored Hoseok on the day before our vacation and left the school hurriedly.

The throbbing headache came back and I shuddered, feeling chilled. Complicated emotions which I couldn't describe, as either frustration or fear, overwhelmed me.

While I visited the places in the pictures with Taehyung, I struggled the whole time with a headache. I had suffered from a headache during this entire time loop. When I was reminded of something, a headache came first. It was a clear physical and mental signal: don't remember anything.

When I walked to the middle of the classroom, the headache became worse. It was as if the cells in my brain being shredded to pieces. Things became blurred and there was a ringing in my ears. I had to get out.

Taehyung must've noticed it. He grabbed my arm and said, "Try a little harder. Try to remember what happened here."

I pushed his hands away and turned around. The pain was unbearable. I was about to scream. Everyone looked at me --- not knowing what to say.

Remember --- what Taehyung said was meaningless to me. That I'd done those things, those things had happened to me, and the stories of us doing things together.

I think we did. It seems we did. But remembering is not understanding or accepting. Experiencing is not grasping something by hearing about things. Experiences should be rooted deeply in one's heart, mind and soul. But everything I remembered was terrible. Things that tormented me and that I wanted to run away from.

When I headed to the door, Taehyung blocked me.

"Step aside," I said, but Taehyung wouldn't budge.

I shoved his shoulder but he pushed me deeper into the classroom. In no time, we got into a physical fight. But we were both exhausted. Throwing a punch and blocking it felt heavy and slow as if we were fighting inside a hot, glutinous liquid. My leg became entangled with Taehyung's.

I thought we would crash into the wall as I lost my balance and reeled. I didn't know what happened next. Because of the thick dust, I couldn't open my eyes or breathe. I coughed nonstop.

"Are you okay?" Hearing that, I realized I'd keeled over.

I got up and saw that the seemingly solid wall had crumbled down. There was a space beyond the crumbled wall. No one moved.

"What! We spent so much time here, but never knew ---, " someone whispered.

We had never imagined something would be hidden beyond the wall.

"What is that?" When the dust settled, we saw a cabinet.

Namjoon opened it. I stepped closer. There was a notebook inside the cabinet. Namjoon grabbed it and opened the cover page. I gasped. There was an unexpected name on the first page of the old notebook: Kim Changjun. My abeoji.

When Namjoon was about to turn to the next page, I whisked it from his hands. Namjoon was surprised, but I didn't care.

I turned the pages. The pages in the old notebook turned as if they would crumble to dust. Written in abeoji's handwriting, the notebook was his diary of the things he and his friends had done back in high school. It wasn't a record of their daily life. Sometimes it skipped a month, and there were pages too, smudged with what looked like blood to be legible.