Ani - An ftm star wars clone wars au

Chapter 3- Tribulations

Warnings- nightmares, misgendering
Written by Sam

As Anakin slept, his dreams were intense. He could see his mother, begging him to come back to her on Tatooine, to be her daughter again. He remembered Watto shunning and shaming him for being upset, the closest thing he had to a father figure was an abusive slaver. He saw master Qui-gon telling him he regretted bringing him to Coruscant; it took everything in him to remember what Obi-Wan taught him.

"You're not worthy of his love, you puny little girl."
A voice rang out through the darkness, he turned around, afraid and alone.
"You're not worthy of the rank of Knight."
Again, the voice was taunting him, mocking him, hurting him.
"You don't deserve to live."
"No."

A bright light began to grow, the voice began screaming in anguish, it was clear now that this was the darkness itself, the darkness inside of him.
"I will not let you hurt me any longer. I will not let you bring me down. I am stronger than my pain, stronger than my fear. I am stronger. Than. You."

The world around him grew infinitely brighter, without realising it, Anakin was opening his eyes. He jerked upwards, gasping for air, searching for anything grounding. His master turned to him, gently placing his hand on the boy's arm, reminding him that he wasn't alone.
"Master," he said, his voice breathy and weak, "I think that was my trial."
"What?" Obi-Wan was confused, he knew Anakin often had vivid dreams and even premonitions, but surely his trials, or in this case trial, wasn't all in his mind...
Once he regained his composure, Obi-Wan gave the young padawan a look simply asking for an explanation. Anakin saw this, he felt that he was right, and his master would understand.
"So, um, basically, I kept seeing people, like my mum, and master Qui-gon, they were saying cruel things, about me being trans mostly, but also just in general. I also saw Watto, my, my enslaver, he would never let me be sad, always calling me weak and hitting me if I cried. Then this, this voice, it was saying things like that I'm not worthy of living. And yeah, it was bad... Really bad, but I said no. I remembered our lessons, that everyone deserves to live, including myself. I realised that the voice was the darkness inside myself, my self hatred and anger. In that moment I accepted myself, and my position as the chosen one, I believe I brought balance to myself. I believe I am ready."

It was a lot for Obi-Wan to take in, he knew Anakin struggled with these issues, but not to that extent. Listening to the one he saw as a little brother be so open and calm, it was heartwarming to see. He nodded, taking in everything he said, he could see the growth in his sense of self, he was proud.

"How long was I out?"

That brought Obi-Wan back to the material plane,
"Sorry young one, I was lost in thought, um, I think it was two and a half days."
"Days?!"
"Oh, yeah," rubbing the back of his neck, "when the med droid gave you a sedative you had a reaction to it after about an hour, so I took you to the healing chambers, that was three days ago, and since it's early morning now, and you were out midday, yeah, two and a half days."

Now it was Anakin's turn to take in what had just been said, "kriff... What have I missed?"