Ani - An ftm star wars clone wars au

Chapter 20- Matters of Motherhood

So hey, I'm back (?) and I'm gonna try and write a bit more for this. Trigger warnings for dysphoria, periods and trying for a family. At the end of this chapter I might put a bit about where I've been, not too much tho.

Written by Sam
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Anakin and Padmé, finally husband and wife, were returning to Coruscant. Their guests had stayed another two days at the villa, but Obi-Wan convinced the council to give Anakin two weeks honeymoon. It was bliss, two weeks with nothing but each other - no war, no politics, just their love. However, all good things must come to an end as they say, and thus the newlyweds were on the twilight, getting ready to land back home.

"Hey love, I've, ah, I've been meaning to ask you something." Padmé's voice cut through the comfortable silence like a blade.

"What is it? You're shaking, what's wrong?"
"Nothing is wrong, I just, this is a big decision for us and I wanted to talk about it."

The young Jedi pulled her down to sit on the bed, encouraging her to continue.

"I want to start a family." There. She had said it, now to wait for his response.

It took a few moments for the young man to truly grasp what she had asked of him, but, in his heart, he knew he wanted this as well. Turning to her, smiling widely,
"Let's do it," he said, "let's have a family together. I love you and I want to share that love. Let's do it."

Padmé was buzzing with joy, she hadn't expected him to take it so well, he was still not even 21 standard years old, and he was willing to do this. It reminded her his much she loved her husband. She pulled him into a rushed and sloppy kiss, one ladened with joy and love and excitement, not realising she was crying until his gloved hand gently wiped a tear from her cheek.

Pulling apart, and earning a small, involuntary whimper from her man as she did so, she looked at his beautiful face.
"So I know we'll have to work out all the logistics, but I was thinking we try IVF, and I could carry? I know we could adopt, but I really want this baby to be ours, I want to be a mother."

Smiling gently, he took her hands and kissed them both, "Mé, I will do whatever you want, if you want to carry, I will support you 100% of the way. We could speak to the Kaminoans, they're a tad xenophobic, but their technology is unbeatable. That way we could both be the parents... As if I were a real man."

Trailing off, he realised so much of this had to be meticulously planned because of him. He was born wrong and wasn't the man Padmé wanted. If he was normal they could just wait until fate decided the time was right, but he wasn't. He was flawed.

Seeing his mind start spiralling, Padmé quickly mimicked what Anakin had done just previously, kissing his hands. She spoke between kisses, gently, but true.
"Anakin, my dear, *kiss* you are the bravest man I know. *Kiss* you don't need to have a willy for me to love you, you just have to be true to who you are."

Her voice was like a warm candle in the dark forest that was his thoughts, guiding him back to the light, to his happiness, to her. He inhaled slowly, taking the time to centre himself, exhaling, he kissed her gently on the lips.
"I love you so much. Thank you, you are everything to me Padmé. You are my light, I will love you till my dying days."
Anakin would have continued his monologue, but R2 came rolling in, letting them know they were dropping out of hyperspace. The young Knight stood and made his way to the cockpit, beginning the landing sequences to take them into the atmosphere and to their shared apartment for some well deserved rest.

----x----

Anakin's sleep was anything but restful, his dreams were unusual, but at least for once only dreams, and nothing more sinister. When he awoke, he was hit with a wave of nausea, causing him to curl into himself and groan. His wife was in the kitchen, he could hear her hunting for food in the cupboards (a downside to being away for two weeks was no food had been bought). Shuffling out of bed and to the fresher, he realised the issue, 'kriff' he didn't want to deal with this on his first day back, but being a Jedi didn't stop for his menstrual cycle.
After a quick shower, he put a pad in his underwear along with his packer, then began putting on his robes, thankful that his trousers weren't too tight as his stomach was horribly bloated. After putting on a sports bra, his chest being to sore for binding, and his tunic, he made his way downstairs to his wife.
"Hey Mé, were gonna have to change the sheets, I started in the night and it's gone through." His tone was exasperation exemplified, his face equally as lack luster. Today was going to be tough.

Padmé finished making his tea, and set it along with some medication in front of him. Enveloping her husband in a hug she simply whispered to him that he was a stronger man than most.
"Do you want any breakfast honey? Or are you not feeling well enough?"

It was simple things like how she knew the nuances of his cycle and just how to cheer him up after an irritating council meeting that made him love her so much. He was so focused on admiring her that he forgot to answer, just smiling at her brown eyes as if they held the world. They did, at least to him.
"Anakin? Quick, decided so I know to make something before you end up late."
"Oh," he laughed, a tad embarrassed, "I got caught in thinking of my beautiful wife. I'll never tire of saying that. But to answer your question, I'm going to get something at the temple."

"You better, or else I'll storm in and spoon feed you in front of all the masters." Laughing at her lover's words.

Mockingly indignant, he gasped at her threat, "you wouldn't dare!" Knowing that she absolutely would dare to do so.

After finishing his cup of tea and bidding his wife farewell, he climbed into the twilight where R2 was being charged. Switching on his friend, they departed for the Jedi temple. Arriving in twenty minutes, only a little slower than usual, he landed and was greeted by his wonderful padawan and former master.
"Obi-Wan! Ahsoka! It's so good to see you both! I have some big news, but first tell me how you both have been."

Obi-Wan never ceased to be amazed by Anakin; he had known his brother long enough to tell when he was feeling run down, but he still kept his upbeat, cocky attitude. Ahsoka meanwhile was recounting her two weeks under Obi-Wan, and how she was a much better padawan than Anakin. Clearly their competitiveness was something neither would grow out of. Arriving at their shared quarters, Anakin having a camp bed in Ahsoka's room since he usually stayed with Padmé, they sat on the couch.

Obi-Wan decided that the younger two had bickered long enough, "so, Anakin. What's this big news you have to tell us?"

Ahsoka immediately stopped talking and looked expectantly towards her master. He smiled and looked between them both.
Taking a deep breath, he answered, "Padmé and I are going to have a baby."

----x----

RANT ABOUT WHERE I'VE BEEN
Okay so basically I missed my meds (antidepressants) because my GP fucked up which sent me into a spiral. I was also really dysphoric and cramping a lot so it was a generally bad time. Even though I got my meds on Monday, so I was only off them for three days, I was really depressed. I had a breakdown. I won't go into details but there was self harm involved. I hurt myself again on Wednesday, but I haven't done so in four days which I'm proud of. Also I live in Manchester in the UK so I can't go see my family for any support because the government decided to lock us down again. In short, it's been a really fucking rough week, and I'm not out the woods yet.

I hope everyone is doing the best they can in these trying times, love you all, thank you so much for reading, please vote, thanks, bye!
- Sam xx