Brayleigh
I listened to the professor drone on about how happy he was for all of us graduates. I can't believe I was dragged here by Dylan and he didn't seem to mind being separate from me, so I just barged in at the very last minute. Emily and Theresa yanked me to a spot in the middle. Paul, Dylan and supposedly... Mark were supposed to graduate next year. Tears glassed my eyes and I tried my best to keep them in.
Thank God a funny video came out and I pretended to laugh very hard, and laughed my tears out, call me an actress. I mentally thanked mum for her acting genes. Emily gave me a funny expression, "You sure have eyes for tears."
"Shut up, Ems." If I could sweep out of view, I sure as hell wanted to do it now. "Liar!" She denied. "You're thinking of Mark aren't you? You always do!"
"Why would I?"
"Because... he's your boyfriend, Brayleigh, it's normal as f--- to think about him."
"OK, I'm seriously okay, trust me, maybe worried about tonight's funeral but honestly I'm fine, absolutely fine, Emily." She gave me a serious look, "I'm not letting you off this time."
"Sure you will."
With that, I stormed out off this sickening place.
All the happiness was driving me insane, Dylan could keep me sane, I hope. I can't help but feel mad that everyone was feeling okay, happy, and I can't. I walked towards the beach, if I could run to my death, I would, but sadly, I adored running, too much to die running.
The beach was my refuge area, I guess, I actually wanted to hear Mark very badly, even though that meant I would be a psycho. "Mark?" I called. "Mark!" I repeated.
No answer, just the screeching of seagulls and splashing of waves.
My eyes fall to the surface once more. I want to be in the water, gliding dolphin-like to the ocean bed further below till my last breath. The coolness will bring me to the present like nothing else. In those perfect moments I can forget the past, and cease to analyze the future. I wouldn't have to worry about who I am, who I will become, who I might never be. In its watery embrace there is only me and it to embrace my lonely feeling though I am technically still alone. Underneath the surface I can escape the dull drag of gravity. It is as free as I've ever experienced in my seventeen years, nothing else would come close, nothing but Mark.
"Fine, Mark, I admit it, I miss you, I miss you like crazy, I know you're still out there, because I haven't given up on you yet." A voice inside me screamed. What if he gave up on you? Don't be an idiot and quit standing here like a stupid statue.
"Please walk with me, Mark, I don't want to feel lonely, I need your company, do you love me? Did you miss me?"
I have always been a giver, warm and loving. Even as a child I never cried, seeking to make others happy. Often people sought me in times of trouble and I gave all I had, I give my whole heart and showered love upon them. When I was ten, my parents leaned on me as their spark of light. Yet, when I suffered, a hurricane of ice draw in front of me forming an ice wall. It was like every light in me was shut out, and left no sunshine, no rays of joy. I never felt more empty in my heart, mind and soul, never so bereft of any comfort. I have never felt so worthless or disposable, never so wretched and cold.
"Brayleigh?" Dylan. "What are you doing here, hue hue?"
Ever since he learnt about my Hawaiian name, he was using it non stop. He even started speaking in Hawaiian with me. "Stop, Dylan."
YOU ARE READING
Don't make the same mistakes again
Romance(EDITING) (on-going) A girl broken by the death of her brother and her best friend seems fine on the outside but is torn from the inside. A boy struggling to handle the death of his girlfriend looks like he's on a good path of recovery but soon fal...
