King George x reader - An Uncommon Game - Hamilton

Chapter 59 ~ In Other Words

14th of May 1782

~Ella's pov~

The rocking of the boat had ceased and the warm lights of the little port glew, I watched Marianne dock the boat as we neared the pier.

Y/N was so close, but still far enough. I smiled at Marianne who was holding the sides. "Who knew England could be so nice?" she remarked. I walked towards Marianne and smiled. "Saying that makes me adore the sight of it. Never knew I'd actually find this country appealing." I replied. Marianne chuckled, her green eyes glimmering. "Be careful Ella, once you step foot in this country you need to keep your profile low." She urged me. I nodded and Marianne looked at me, "What you're doing is risky, this king doesn't seem like one to mess with." she replied.

I scoffed slightly, "I know, but I don't think it'll be easy to just leave Y/N to suffer. I mean after what I said to her I can't-" Marianne cut me off. "Don't worry dear I understand, I'm just telling you to be careful, ok?" she questioned. I nodded and she smiled. "Well we're here, I guess you're going." She laughed.

I turned around and saw Samuel approaching us. He was smiling in his usual innocent way and holding Will in his arms. "Thank you so much, Marianne," he replied. I smiled at him and Marianne placed a hand on my shoulder. "Don't worry, any friend of Francis is mine. And lending others a helping hand is always great." she laughed. I grinned, "Thanks." Marianne smiled one last time and Samuel, Will and I started to step off the boat.

I waved, one last time to Marianne and set my eyes back forward. The stone towering buildings that I had always associated with England surrounded us. Small warm, orange lights glew in a few windows. I moved closer to Samuel as we walked through the town. "Odd being back here." Samuel quietly voiced. I grinned slightly, and we continued through the streets.

"So how exactly are we getting to Windsor?" I questioned. Samuel smirked and held William tighter and walked towards a path turning to a dirt road. I followed him through the row of tree's surrounding the road. Samuel sneaked around and stood next to a stable, smiling. "No-" I stuttered. Samuel opened the stable door gently and a horse walked out. "Ladies first," he whispered. I furrowed my brow and he lifted me onto the horse. "Ya know I'm only agreeing to do this to save Y/N," I whispered. Samuel grinned, "Shh, now come on." He pushed me and I sat up balancing myself.

Samuel chuckled quietly and he carried Will and climbed onto the horse. I held onto Samuel's back and he smiled looking back at me. He hit the horse slightly and it began to run. I grinned slightly. Then we heard a loud yell behind us. "COME BACK HERE, YOU THIEVES!!" My head cocked to see an angry-looking man and his wife latching onto his sleeve.

I giggled at Samuel and he smirked kicking the horse slightly to make him go faster. The man was throwing his first and running after us but we were to fast. Samuel smiled and I looked forward.

"Here we come."

~Y/N's pov~

I shuffled the pieces of paper in mt hands and yawned leaning back against the couch, I rubbed my eyes tiredly and draped the thin blanket Jane gave me around myself. I sighed and placed the pieces of paper on my lap.

The candles around me glew and I felt my eyes drifting off. I huddled myself down and I layed down on the small couch. I gripped the soft fabric pulled it closer to me, my face rested on the stiff pillows and I stared at the door.

I listened to the passing by chatter and the click of shoes against the floor. The melancholic feeling of regret settled in my heart.

I was 29, lying on a small couch in a large castle staring miserably at walls. Never did I expect to see myself like this, and yet here I was. It felt like defeat like I had lost this cruel and endless game. It was relief that maybe everything was done. I was fine with being a loser, as long as I don't have to continue.

But this game wasn't finished, even after 6 years were all still playing. Playing this game I never wanted to be a part of, and yet it was also my fault it was still going. If I hadn't left George maybe, I'd be happy or dead. Either one sounds better than what's happening now.

I've played this game for years, failing at every turn. Was there a point in resisting? I sighed and looked at the ceiling. This game I've been playing was one of loss. I didn't gain anything from being here, this game was about survival. And I felt myself not wanting to survive.

Maybe George is a good person and maybe this life is great. But tell me, why do I still feel lost. Why do I every time, when I see my family smiling do I wish I could rewind time and tell my self to stay? I love Frederick and Matilda but yet sometimes I wish they were never born.

It wasn't because I hated them, but because they were reminders of what I wanted and could have had. I never wanted children or a husband but the game decided that they were my reward. That is why I, Y/N L/N, feel lost. Every conflicting emotion and everything I do is coming back to tell me that I should've done something else.

I took a deep breath staring at my hands. I was a mess, the stupid, simple mess that was me.

I felt tears brim in my eyes as they reflected the orange candlelight in my eyes. I hugged myself close my eyes.

"Y/N?" George's voice called out. I quickly turned to face the back of the couch and wiped my tears away with my blanket.

The study door creaked open and the cold from the castle crept around my spine. Only silence came after that and I stared at the couch. I sniffed quietly and clenched my eyes tighter.

I felt someone lean against the couch and I looked to see George sitting at the front of the couch. I couldn't see his face and yet I saw the same disdain I felt plastered in his face. I sighed softly and turned back around. Not because I was scared but for other reasons.

In other words, I was scared to feel.