King George x reader - An Uncommon Game - Hamilton

Chapter 43 ~ Second Thoughts

28th of December 1781

Dear Diary,

It's probably odd for someone my age to keep a diary but now that Ella hates me, I need something to vent my emotions out.

It has been a little over two weeks since I last talked to her and frankly I miss her. But it doesn't matter, people fight all the time. I'm sure she'll forgive me, even if it takes a while. Anyway better start writing my emotions.My mother said it would be helpful, so yeah.

I probably should start with my reoccurring dreams. They've stopped for a while so I can't really remember them, but I do remember that they were mainly of George.

I try to forget him, but it's hard. Especially when I see Frederick, I mean he's basically a small version of George. Sometimes my head tells me to get my butt back to England. Of course I ignore it, but lately it's been in my head more often.

But it's too late anyway, George has probably already found a better woman. (Anyone would probably be a better wife than me.) So if I came back George would probably send me to jail or kill me. I know it's dramatic but I haven't talked to him for a while, he could be nuts for all I know.

The reason I'm probably still think he loves me is probably my own ego. I know it's selfish, but I like the idea that someone loves me romantically. Of course he probably doesn't anymore but maybe it's just me. Even though I've sworn of relationships from now on, a little piece of me longs for affection.

All these second thoughts are driving me crazy, after all these years I'm still unsure if I made the right choice. But it doesn't matter now, I have my whole family here in America.

There's no reason why I should go back. Well maybe one, but I'm sure George doesn't give a heck about me.

It may seem crazy but I miss George. Of course I still want to stay here but the thought if him and I living here in America together, makes me wish George wasn't the King of England.

I hate to admit it but he was a great father and if I had to be completely honest, he was a good husband.

I hate how now, after all these years I finally have some affection for him. Love is a curse, but a blessing at the same time.

But I'm not leaving this life I've built for my family. Everyone who I love is here, Samuel, a friend and old crush, Ella my cousin, My parents, My two children and the country I've always longed to visit.

I may have some love for George but I won't forget the years he made me stay with him. If he truly loved me he'd be patient and wouldn't force me into things, I'm sorry the one part of me that loves George.

But I'm never going back.

Yours truly,
Y/N L/N

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Sorry for the short chapter, but I kinda of wanted to explore Y/N's feelings a bit deeper. Everyone has regrets and Y/N does to. It's a matter of if you care enough to dwell on them.

Anyway thanks for reading!